Posted on 08/29/2007 2:18:39 AM PDT by Caipirabob
A few years ago, my husband, Mark, and I were at one of those hip downtown restaurants sipping mojitos and nibbling on lime-spiked seviche when one of my bosses appeared from a cloud of Cuban-cigar smoke and patted my shoulder. When I introduced him to Mark, he naturally asked what he did for a living. We both froze.
"I do some freelancing," Mark said.
"He studied film at NYU," I said at the same time.
Mark looked at me and shrugged. "I stay home with our daughter," he said, as my colleague quietly balked.
"He makes it possible for me to do my job," I said, laughing. But inside, I was mortified. Technically, I had it all back then, including a gorgeous toddler and a cool job.
What I didn't have was a husband I felt proud of.
(Excerpt) Read more at lifestyle.msn.com ...
The only thing missing from this (lord help us!), is finding out that the second husband is actually a child predator who stats home with her daughter for nefarious purpose.
The man she married afterward is completely satisfied with being a stay-at-home dad and makes no bones about it.
Ah, I think I get it now. Well, in that case, she definitely traded up! (NOT!) No, seriously, I still don't get it!
The daughter either grows up fine or she doesn’t — it really doesn’t matter since she’ll blame her parents for every problem in her life anyway. The ex-husband gets a job bartending. The current husband gets a few good European cut suits and spends the rest of his life making small talk at business functions.
The point of the story is that the first bum didn't like being a bum and wasn't happy being a bum. The second bum was happy and showed extreme self-confident in being a bum, and that got her hot.
When I went back to re-read the article, it turns out it was published in Marie Claire and posted on MSN. So, yep, it's from a fashion mag (which means a lot of it is probably embellished).
My point was that any time a person is not satisfied with their own personal situation (the first husband) it spills over into their other situations (Friends, family, marital partner).
The first husband, and his wife, thought HE should be the bread winner, not her. He couldn't find a job, she could, he wasn't satisfied to let her bring home the paycheck while he took care of their child, and it changed the outlook of both of them on HIS masculinity.
She doesn't expect her second husband to be the bread winner, her second husband doesn't expect to be the breadwinner, he's satisfied to be the spouse that stays home, sooooooooo it doesn't change the outlook of either one of them.
My main point is that marriage, many times, is not an institution thought of as a permenent status anymore.
People don't get married for life anymore, just till their interests take them in different directions.
In my view, marriage is WORK. Just like it takes WORK to do a good job in just about anything you care to name that matters, marriage takes WORK to make it a good marriage.
It doesn't seem to me that either one of them made that much of an effort to keep the marriage alive after they figured out that neither one of them was satisfied with the situation.
I've tried to be fair on this thread, mostly because Hubby #1 was such a useless, freeloading layabout, but in the spirit of full disclosure, my wife is from Ukraine. Not because I dislike American women but because I fell in love with a Ukrainian woman. She's not without her faults but has far fewer of them than her husband.
Marie Claire sounds about right.
If you want real insight into fashion magazine mentality watch the re-make of Willy Wonka. Depp does a oddly dead on impersonation of Anne Wintour — right down to the hairstyle — Vogue’s editor (who was also the basis for the Devil Wears Prada).
I read the book. Guilty pleasure, what can I say?
Damn! Should I 'fess up to that one on FR? I swear I'm not a metrosexual! I'm a Navy Aviation Ordnanceman! Really, I am!!!
And isn't that why we're all here anyway?
The movie was somewhat entertaining on DVD. There was a scene that I particularly liked — when the gay friend tells her not to look down her nose at the job. I’m not in the fashion business by a long shot, but that rang true. I hate people who think they’re too good for a job they agree to do.
Anyway, it’s been fun. I’m out. Take care.
I was joking when I said she traded up. Didn’t you see my “NOT!”?
Oh, brother...men, do not try this at home, lest you end up in jail, presented with a restraining order, kicked out of your house, and charged with felony rape.
Actually, it's much more complex than standard libertarian boilerplate. It requires judgment and discernment; it requires one to consider the real world.
Have some state under ISLAMIC OCCUPATION, and the survivor women will kiss the footprints of ANY “BETA HUSBAND” in this country.....
Men are MUCH more inclined than women to think theyre better than they are.
You beat me to it!
One of the guys at work married a woman from the Ukraine. She is drop-dead georgeous. Conversation stops when she walks into the room. And yes, she is about 20 (maybe more) years younger.
For the team, one person cannot make all the decisions.
That assumes her story to be accurate. Another possibility is that she exaggerates his shortcomings. Much like ex-spouses tend to do.
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