Posted on 07/06/2007 5:24:51 PM PDT by Bluestateredman
COMING OUT: Parents learn true meaning of family after both son and daughter announce they are gay
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Photo by Shawn Lynch/staff photographer Tom and Carole Allen, the parents of a gay son and a gay daughter, at their home in Arlington on Saturday, June 30, 2007.
By Patricia Bertuccio GateHouse News Service Thu Jul 05, 2007, 10:18 AM EDT
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Story Tools: Email This | Print This Arlington, Mass. - “Imagine that, one day, the Massachusetts Supreme Judicial Court sees what you could not — that your children are entitled to the right and privilege to marry the person of their choosing just as you and your husband did 36 years earlier. You begin to understand how discrimination is perpetuated and feel stupid for having accepted it. The old hopes and dreams for family weddings return.”
-From ‘Imagine,’ by Carole Allen The fact that Carole and Tom Allen’s two children are gay was not what disappointed them when their first child, David, then a junior in high school, “came out” and told his family he was attracted to men. Or when their daughter Abbie, at age 14, discovered she was a lesbian.
It was the dream of weddings and grandchildren that really made their hearts ache.
“It was at a time when [homosexuality] was not out there,” Carole said. “It’s just realizing and adjusting your expectations. They had to be altered.”
“But it turned out a lot less than we thought,” Tom added. That was 15 years ago. David, 31, wed his partner Michael in 2004, less than a year after Massachusetts Supreme Court made same-sex marriages legal. On New Year’s Eve, Abbie, 27, will marry her partner Anna at the Charlestown Navy Yard under Boston’s New Year’s fireworks.
Carole beamed when asked to see her son’s wedding album. Her face radiated with pride like the sun on a perfect beach day as she pointed out her son and son-in-law, her daughter and her fiancée Anna, and other family members in the photos.
“Weddings are for parents, by and large,” Tom said. The Allens felt relief when the state legislature, on June 15, voted 151-45 against a referendum that would let voters decide whether to add a constitutional amendment that defines marriage between a man and woman.
“It would have been really humiliating to have people vote on our children and how much our children were worth,” Tom said. “The existing definition of marriage works out very well, thank you very much. It’s just letting more people in the club.”
Tom said his wife should be a registered lobbyist as she worked with local state representatives and senators, wrote a piece called “Imagine” that describes her experience having gay children and the opportunities same-sex marriage has allowed for her family. She testified at the State House to oppose an amendment to outlaw any same-sex relationship.
“People who claim that their marriage is being hurt by gay marriage are missing the point,” Carole said. “It’s quite the opposite.”
Out of the closet “Imagine that, when your son is in high school, you discover that he is attracted to men. Even though your brother is gay, you somehow have ignored evidence that your son could be gay, too. Out of fear, you and your husband confront him about this “dangerous lifestyle,” then spend the next two years anxious and yearning to regain his and each other’s trust. You finally find a way to reach out to each other and become even closer than ever before.”
At their home on Beverly Road, Carole and Tom laugh and talk freely about the uncertainty and adjustment that came with learning their children are homosexuals.
Carole calls accepting the sexual orientation of their children a journey. Her brother is gay, but hearing her son was shocked her.
“We didn’t handle it well. We confronted him in a way that made him say, ‘I don’t know yet.’” Carole said of her son’s sexuality. “We went through a couple of years of isolation and not talking to each other about it, which was very hard.”
Carole said she wanted to learn more about it and went to some PFLAG, Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays, support group meetings. She admitted talking about it made her teary-eyed, but after she wrote a letter to David, they reopened the lines of communication.
Tom said he put it aside for a while and it took him years before he could accept and openly talk with coworkers about his children and their sexuality.
“The adjustments are mental. You envision a future for your child and that vision is turned upside,” Tom said. “But as it turns out, it absolutely hasn’t been.”
After picking David up from college his first year, Tom and David talked it out and they began to rebuild their relationship.
When Abbie came out, Carole said it was turbulent time in her daughter’s life and her being a lesbian was the least of her problems.
“She went through a lot of adolescence stuff,” Carole said. “Some of it had to do with that her school placement wasn’t correct for her.”
Abbie helped found the Gay-Straight Alliance at Arlington High School before she transferred to the Cambridge School of Weston, a more arts-focused secondary school. Carole said a school guidance counselor and a therapist helped get Abbie’s sexuality out there and made it easier.
Carole and Tom said some Arlington community members knew David was gay before they did. They didn’t face any discrimination and lauded Arlington’s tolerance.
“The town has a very active focus on diversity and they’re very protective of diversity,” Carole said. “[Discrimination] is not tolerated in this town.”
The Allens said even though the transition was hard, they loved their children and worked hard to embrace them for who they were, regardless of their sexual preferences. And with state officials moving in favor of acceptance and expanding gay rights, everything was falling into place.
“There’s no question that this is the way things are going and anyone trying to resist it is just pulling back against the tide,” Tom said of the recent gay marriage rulings. “You get the feeling that society is moving along with you.”
Brides and babies
“Imagine that your legislature has the opportunity to oppose discrimination once and for all by defeating the proposed constitutional amendment. You will feel pride and gratitude if they stand up for your family – a family that just wants happiness, togetherness, and standing in the community.”
The Allens are gearing up for a second wedding this winter for Abbie and Anna while waiting for David and Michael to work through the adoption process. David and Michael plan to adopt the child of a woman whose pregnancy they will follow while Abbie and Anna already have talked about adopting a child internationally.
Carole said Abbie and her future daughter-in-law both have bride’s dresses and will be back in Arlington this August to continue wedding planning and making arrangements. Carole said wedding planners are excited about organizing a same-sex marriage so they can add it to their portfolios.
Both Tom and Carole called weddings “fun.” The excitement and anticipation of the second wedding gleamed in their eyes and smiles.
Though it took years for the Allens to fully accept their children, the journey is over and they look forward to the next phases of their children’s lives, particularly grandchildren.
“Neither of us would wish they would be any other way because that would change who they are,” Tom said. “You just have to look beyond [sexuality] and embrace your children for the unique and wonderful people they are.”
Quoted material is taken from Carole Allen’s “Imagine,” a piece she wrote and submitted to legislators to earn their support for gay rights.
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Love is unconditional, approval is not, and shouldn’t be.
>> So they still have a son and daughter right?
Not really, the have a daughter and a son.
“And why don’t I find the line below reassuring? My first reaction is that maybe that the school “guidance counselor” and “therapist” belong in jail, or worse, for child molestation.”
Anyone can argue that point till they are blue in the face, it will be no less true!
Fight the sin, love the sinner.
FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAABULOUS!
That would have been news to him:
“Nuryev is certainly not gay.”
No, nor Barishnikov, nor Gudunov. It’s a cultural thing.
Culturally, in the US, ballet is seen as feminine and several sports are seen as masculine. To enroll boys in ballet or girls in football is going against the norm.
I’m not saying it’s wrong, I’m just saying, it’s not typical.
In Russian, most dancers, ballroom included, seem very much hetero and I’m sure there’s not much baggage to enrolling your son.
I would not enroll my son in ballet as long as I lived in the U.S. Tap dancing, maybe. The action of enrolling in ballet means something here that it doesn’t in, say, Russia.
Similarly, I am enrolling my daughter in soccer, but I wouldn’t enroll her in rugby or football.
Relax...it is just God’s way (Mother Nature’s) of getting rid of the genetically inferior......
All this proves, and all these parents should have learned, is that they have completely and totally failed in their jobs as parents. And of course, they are likely liberal. Or is saying that a redundancy?
Ah, I see. So, are Dick and Lynn Cheney wonderful parents for raising a heterosexual daughter (Elizabeth) who went on to give them 5 grandchildren, or are they horrible failures for raising Mary who turned out to be a lesbian?
Here's a thought, maybe they didn't have anything to do with Mary turning out to be gay.
I find it very easy to believe. I suddenly discovered that I was heterosexual at age 13. Prior to that epiphany I was completely happy without girls in my life, and prefered the company of bicycles, G.I. Joes, bb guns, and other like minded boys.
However, one day, and I still remember it with clarity, I was watching the Sunday matinee on channel 13 with Carmen Cleary. The movie was 100,000,000 years B.C. Something in Raquel Welch in that fur bikini literally jump started my libido which had lay dormant for 13 years, and immedietly after it happened, even Carmen looked good. After that, I never once preferred the company of a male over that of a pretty girl, even for conversation.
I have a much easier time believing that kids are being recruited.
Trust me, I know many,many gay people. Not one has ever said they were recruited.
They were straight before basketball? Wow!
Hell, I don’t even think it’s possible. After my aforementioned awakening, you could have spent all day trying to convince me that I didn’t really want to see Raquel naked, but I never would have believed you.
So, you are claiming that Raquel recruited you? Is that what you’re saying?
Everytime a gay thread comes on, I feel like posting an MP3 of the old Rogers and Hammerstein chestnut “Keep it Gay.”
I’m glad it’s easier for you.
I don’t really think that article is appropriate for FreeRepublic. All it does is express pure propaganda of the homosexual militants who are trying to change our society. Their agenda is very easy to see as they try to normalize what is obviously sick and perverted.
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