[Specialist Casey] Sheehan’s father finds meaning amid grief (MUST READ!)

The Sidney Herald (Montana) ^ | July 1, 2007 | Mary Sanchez

[2ndDivisionVet]

Poetry and lore speak of a mother’s grief, a mother’s tears for a deceased child. So perhaps the spotlight after her soldier-son’s death in 2004 was bound to be captured by Cindy Sheehan.

For Pat Sheehan, the very private role of simply continuing to be Casey’s father has been enough - until recently, that is. In a blip of publicity Cindy Sheehan bowed out of her diminishing limelight, announcing that she would stop her activism against the Iraq war. In doing so, she declared that Casey Sheehan “did indeed die for nothing.”

That statement ended Pat Sheehan’s silence.

He called me after reading a column in which I disputed his ex-wife’s assertion. Yes, he told me, Casey Sheehan’s death mattered. We continued talking and e-mailing, and he made me realize what should have been so obvious - that a soldier's life is what is significant, not merely his death, or the activism it might inspire.

One problematic aspect of Cindy Sheehan’s celebrity has been that her deceased son got lost in the news coverage. Nobody knows much about how Casey Sheehan lived or how he died.

Pat Sheehan is pained that people know so little about the religious devotion of his son. Casey Sheehan so loved his Catholic faith that he considered the priesthood, before realizing how much he wanted to be a father himself. As a child, he would pull a nightstand from against the wall, cover it with a blanket and “play” mass, enlisting his sister to be a nun.

As a teen, he earned the rank of Eagle Scout. Later he would quip that the military was “kind of like Boy Scouts, but with guns.” Casey Sheehan signed up before the Sept. 11 attacks. His service had nothing to do with revenge, his father says.

Rather, it was a way to practice his faith. Casey Sheehan wanted to be a chaplain’s assistant. Faced with a wait to become one, he chose to be a wheel mechanic instead. As a soldier, he was always the first to greet a visiting priest. If no priest came to say mass, he would lead a prayer.

Pat Sheehan has only recently learned the details of his son’s death from Martha Raddatz, author of “The Long Road Home,” a book about the Sadr City uprising.

Sadr City, Iraq. April 4, 2004. A platoon of soldiers were ambushed by sniper fire, trapped in an alley when their Humvees broke down. Casey Sheehan was among the men who volunteered for the rescue of the dead. Actually he pulled rank, taking the place of a lowlier private. The convoy was fighting its way through more sniper fire when a high velocity bullet pierced his Kevlar helmet, then ricocheted against his head. He was put on a helicopter, doctors desperately tried to save his life. A rosary was in his pocket.

Casey Sheehan was one of eight soldiers who died that day.

“He was an adult, making his own decisions when he volunteered that day,” Pat Sheehan told me. “And he would do it again. Nothing can tarnish that.What he did matters.”

Grief experts say that when a parent dies, a part of a person’s past is taken. When a person loses a sibling, a part of their present is lost. But when a child dies, the future is stolen. The future, things yet unseen, maybe even unfathomed. That would make moving forward in life feel a bit like stepping into a vacant space. Pat Sheehan has been trying to live in that place.

After his son’s death, he wondered why he never became angry. But talk with him long enough, and you’ll understand that outbursts are simply not his way. His children used to hear him sigh heavily.

Pat Sheehan disagrees with his ex-wife’s tactics, but he does not wish to be pitted against her. Philosophically, they are close on their views about the war. “But I would rather that Casey be viewed with dignity,” he told me.

He says he misses being married, although he initiated the divorce proceedings that ended their marriage of nearly three decades. Cindy Sheehan is not, he insists, the ogre of a mother that critics portray her to be. “I wish her no ill will, whatsoever,” he said.

In an e-mail, Pat Sheehan wrote: “I haven’t quite found my voice yet as Casey’s father, but make no mistake, I feel much of the same pain and sense of loss that his mother does. I have chosen to deal with it in my own way. For all of my children, Casey, Carly, Andy and Jane, I am attempting to move forward with a little grace and dignity. They deserve nothing less.”

[USMCPOP]

Thanks for the post! A number of us gold star parents have occasionally expressed concerns.

Maica, as to your comment “It is strange that this author claims that Casey’s father only recently learned the details of his last battle, and death. Those details were on Free Republic as soon as Cindy Sheehan became a news item.” When you lose a son, time and facts and emotions can become distorted. On one hand, you might know some of the little details from an autopsy report, yet be in doubt about more general things, or miss some “well known” facts entirely. It isn’t that unusual to have pertinent information surface a couple of years after the fact, or for us to finally notice and deal with it. Unlike most who want to know all the facts right away, it wouldn’t surprise me if Pat, like many of us, has been a bit out of sorts. After all, we have the rest of our lives to think about it and try to live with it.

I will make some inquiries and pass this post around the Gold Star parents whom I know to see if I can add to this discussion.

Semper Fidelis.

[shield]

I think I read that Pat Sheehan is a Viet Nam Vet.

[maica]

No matter how distorted emotions can make facts, it really is hard for me to believe that Casey’s father did not know that Casey went directly from Mass to his final mission. Palm Sunday is a pretty significant day in the Catholic Church.

Perhaps what Mr Sheehan said and how I, or the journalist, interpreted his words are two different things. At any rate, I feel great compassion for Mr Sheehan and for Casey’s siblings, and immense respect for Casey and for all our brave volunteers who seek to be part of the solution, not the problem.

[ItisaReligionofPeace]

I can see where his son got it.

[USMCPOP]

Yeah, you have to take into account journalists. In my experience, most have been very good in general. Only one completely fabricated a piece to pursue an agenda. That was Ariana Enjung Cha in an article for the Washington Post. And she had the gall to come into my house the day after my son died to get the material to do it.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/ac2/wp-dyn/A58836-2005Feb2?language=printer

I fell into her trap there.

[SUHU]

... Army Spc. Casey Sheehan 24, of Vacaville, Calif.; assigned to 1st Battalion, 82nd Field Artillery Regiment, 1st Cavalry Division, Fort Hood, Texas..... WILL NOT BE FORGOTTEN TO Mr. Pat Sheehan & to The Sheehan Family.

[El Gato]

Cindy Sheehan is not, he insists, the ogre of a mother that critics portray her to be.

Or at least she wasn't before Casey paid the ultimate price and for the ultimate reason, to save his buddies.

[pray4liberty]

Casey Sheehan signed up before the Sept. 11 attacks. His service had nothing to do with revenge, his father says.

That sure blows her argument.