Posted on 06/16/2007 10:06:59 PM PDT by Coleus
There is a certain immediacy about motherhood that cannot be said of fatherhood. Nature goes a long way in helping a mother know what it means to be a mother. Ovulation, pregnancy, childbirth, lactation and breast feeding are natural and immediate experiences that teach a mother a great deal about the meaning of her motherhood.
Motherhood is eminent, but fatherhood is transcendent.
If nature does comparatively little to teach a man the meaning of fatherhood, his wife, his children and his culture must help to fill in the blanks.
Nonetheless, secular feminism, the high divorce rate and abortion most emphatically do not help a man to understand the meaning of his own fatherhood. In fact, agencies are busy at work trying to “deconstruct” fatherhood and “deculture” paternity.
Yet, fatherhood and good fathers are of inestimable importance to society. David Blankenhorn, in his book, Fatherless America: Confronting Our Most Urgent Problem, provides evidence that fatherlessness is the leading cause of the declining well-being of children and the engine that drives our most urgent social problems from crime to adolescent pregnancy to child sexual abuse to domestic violence against women.
The following 10 distinctions shed light on the critical yet subtle, nature of fatherhood. Whereas motherhood is unmistakable because of the power of nature, fatherhood requires no small degree of sophisticated understanding.
Fatherhood means being:
1. A leader without being a frontrunner.
Our prevailing notion of leader comes from the worlds of sports and from politics. In this sense, in accordance with the “leader board” in golf, the leader is the one who is ahead of the rest of the field. Or he is the one who is leading in the political polls by outpacing his rivals. But a father is not a leader in this way. He does not try to remove himself from his family. Nor does he regard the members of his family as rivals. On the contrary, he leads in a manner that fulfills each member. His leadership is inseparable from those he leads. What he leads and “fathers” into being is the good of those whom he loves. In other words, fatherhood requires that a father leads by being there, rather than being “ahead of the pack.”
2. A visionary without being arrogant.
Every home must have a hearth and a horizon. The father is a visionary in the sense that he has an eye on the future. He has a keen sense of the importance of time. But he has this without presumption or arrogance. He is providential in his fathering. He knows instinctively that his children will grow up and lead independent lives. He provides for them a future vision of themselves.
3. A servant without being servile.
The expression servus servorum Dei (servant of the servants of God) adopted by John Paul II, comes from Pope Gregory the Great. Paradoxically, this servant of the servants of God earned the appellation “Great.” He who humbles himself shall be exalted. The father serves all the members of his family without being in any sense inferior. One might say, in this respect, that a father is like a tennis player: When they serve, they both enjoy an advantage.
4. An authority without being authoritarian.
The father, like God, shares in the authorship of life. He is an authority and therefore someone to learn from and be guided by. But his authority does not restrict the liberty of others. In fact, fatherly authority is to cultivate and enhance liberty. St. Thomas Aquinas wisely pointed out that “the respect that one has for the rule flows naturally from the respect one has for the person who gave it” (Ex reverentia praecipientis procedere debet reverentia praecepti). A person best understands fatherhood by knowing someone who is a good father. One must begin with the real experience and not the inadequate abstraction.
5. A lover without being sentimental.
The love of a father is strong and unwavering. Love is not bound by a feeling, and hence prone to sentimentality. It is strengthened by principles that always focus on the good of others. Love means doing what is in the best interest of others. Sentimentality means always being nice because one is fearful of opposition.
6. A supporter without being subordinate.
A father is supportive. He holds people up, keeps them going when they are inclined to be discouraged. His encouraging role does not imply subordination, but reliability and trustworthiness from someone who is strong. He is not supportive in the Hollywood sense of being a “supporting actor.” His supportive role is played out as the leading man.
7. A disciplinarian without being punitive.
A good father knows the value of rules and the consequences of disregarding them. He wants his children to be strong in virtue. Therefore, he knows the importance of discipline, restraint and self-possession. He is not punitive, nor is he overbearing. He makes it clear to his children that there is no true freedom without discipline, that discipleship re--quires training. He is wary of punishment as such, since it can strike fear in the heart of a child.
8. Merciful without being spineless.
Mercy must be grounded in justice. Otherwise it is dissipation and weakness. In fact, it is unjust. A father, because he recognizes the uncompromisable importance of justice is anything but spineless. He is merciful, but his mercy perfects his justice. Mercy without justice, is mere capitulation to the desires of others. Justice without mercy is cold legalism.
9. Humble without being self-deprecating.
Humility is based on the honest recognition of who one is. It takes into account one’s limitations and weaknesses. The humble father, when he encounters difficulties, has enough humility to ask for help, even at times from his own children. Yet, he never gets down on himself. He knows that remaining self-deprecating at a time of crisis is utterly futile.
10. Courageous without being foolhardy.
Courage is not fearlessness, but the ability to rise above fear so that one can do what needs to be done in a time of danger or difficulty. A father does not fall apart when he begins to feel the pressure. Foolhardiness is not courage but an unfocused and unhelpful recklessness. Moreover, courage, as its etymology suggests, requires heart. The father, above all, is a man of heart. When we consider the meaning of fatherhood, we should do so with humility, gratitude, and love. But we should also do it with refined accuracy. Fatherhood may be a paradox. But the poles of the paradox can be brought into balance with a little bit of wisdom and effort. Or, as some wise person said, “A truly rich man is one whose children run into his arms when his hands are empty.”
“Think of the love that the Father has lavished on us by letting us be called God’s children and that is what we are” (1 John 3:1). “We are children of God by adoption. By the gift of the Holy Spirit we are able to cry ‘Abba, Father’” (Galations 4:6).
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The Story of Champions [Father's Day]
The 10 Paradoxes of Fatherhood, There is a certain immediacy about motherhood that cannot
St. Joseph, we ask you to be the patron of all fathers in today’s world. Pray for us.
I just hope that the list of "10" isn't overwhelming for men who read it. I read the description of a good woman in scripture and I find it totally discouraging... I can never make the mark and be that perfect. I don't think I can even make a '5'!
So, how do we change this? (the society - male thing, not my not being a '10' LOL )
In a perfect world ...
We are all dysfunctional to some degree - we do the best we can with what we have.
Educating ourselves and striving to what is true and best is all we can do.
Good guide lines to go for.
Thanks
The thing that has the most effect on a man’s experience of fatherhood is the woman he chooses as the receptacle of his seed. If he chooses a woman whom he knows will carry even an unplanned pregnancy to term, and one whom he knows will agree to share parental rights, then he will experience fatherhood. It would be even better if he has already married this woman.
Unfortunately some men will choose to have sex with a woman whose views on abortion they have not bothered to learn. Nor will they have bothered to learn whether their sex partner will fight sharing custody with the biological fathers.
Then these men will whine when these sex partners, whom they barely know, choose to have abortions, or choose to fight these men for custody.
As a woman, I can only ask, what did you expect? What did you plan for?
As a man, I can only ask. Do women ever lie?. How do you know if a woman is putting on an act? A lot of good men have been destroyed by lies. A lot of women and men only show their true selves after marriage.
Wishing Fathers a Happy Father’s Day!
My Father
When I was ...
Four years old: My daddy can do anything.
Five years old: My daddy knows a whole lot.
Six years old: My dad is smarter than your dad.
Eight years old: My dad doesn’t know exactly everything.
Ten years old: In the olden days, when my dad grew up, things were sure different.
Twelve years old: Oh, well, naturally, Dad doesn’t know anything about that. He is too old to remember his childhood.
Fourteen years old: Don’t pay any attention to my dad. He is so old-fashioned.
Twenty-one years old: Him? My Lord, he’s hopelessly out of date.
Twenty-five years old: Dad knows about it, but then he should,
because he has been around so long.
Thirty years old: Maybe we should ask Dad what he thinks. After all, he’s had a lot of experience.
Thirty-five years old: I’m not doing a single thing until I talk to Dad.
Forty years old: I wonder how Dad would have handled it. He was so wise.
Fifty years old: I’d give anything if Dad were here now so I could talk this over with him. Too bad I didn’t appreciate how smart he was. I could have learned a lot from him.
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You watch the subtle signs of a person's character; his/her spiritual life, value system, morality, how he or she has lived his/her life, treated others and learned from their mistakes. Most communication is non-verbal. Words are nice but actions are more telling.
“Do women ever lie?. How do you know if a woman is putting on an act?”
Of course some people lie and put on acts. That’s why you wait for at least a year to get to know a person. You meet his/her family and watch how they interact. You go to premarital counseling and discuss issues under the guidance of an experienced priest, minister or secular counselor. If you’re not sure, there’s nothing to prevent a longer engagement. There’s nothing to prevent using condoms and/or contraceptive pills for a couple years after marriage if you’re not sure you’ll see the “real” person until the knot is tied.
I know that once in a while a consummate actor will fool everybody all the time, but if a person waited and went through the steps I listed, it wouldn’t happen often.
Have you ever heard the expression, “Mama’s baby, daddy’s maybe”?. DNA testing is busting a lot of these pure, innocent mothers.
In my opinion, every child should have DNA testing at birth. That way, If the mother is an adulterer she will know who the child's father is and the legal husband will know what to do.
Do you see anything wrong with that?.
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