Posted on 05/19/2007 7:31:38 AM PDT by Congressman Billybob
There are certain categories of ads on TV which offend me, and no doubt you, whenever they appear. There are the impotence ads. (Known as “E.D.” to its friends.) Plus the constipation/diarrhea ads. Plus the mobility (scooter) ads. The implication is that older men can’t get it up, can’t get it out, or can’t get it moving. Throw in the Alzheimer ads, and we can’t remember whether we’ve done any of that.
I say “we” because all these annoying ads are my fault. Yes, mine, and I apologize.
Yes, I am falling apart. It was only a month ago that I found out that gout is not an ancient disease that was wiped out shortly after Ben Franklin died. It’s a modern disease, with about the pain level of dropping a one gallon can of paint on your toes. Repeatedly. On both feet.
Fortunately, gout is also highly treatable and disappears entirely. That’s good, because both of my regular doctors are fellow sufferers, and therefore highly sympathetic. But that’s not the reason these ads are my fault.
When you go into Burger King or whatever, do you pay attention to the canned music playing in the background? It’s all generic; they pour syrup on the music and the instruments, so the result is non-offensive. With a little work, you can figure out what classic tunes are being kicked while they are down.
No matter where you go, most generic music is stuck in the sixties, with touches of the late fifties and early seventies. And all that musical boredom is also my fault. Sorry about that.
Advertising goes where the money is – of course. And people who are on the slippery slope to high-stakes bingo and budget cruise ships, spend more money per head than anyone else, because we are coming apart at the seams. But most important, there are more of us than any other demographic group.
I’m at the leading edge of the Baby Boomers. Sometimes, the definition of us starts at the end of WW II. Other times it is more generous, and includes me by adding all who were born during that War.
Think back to kindergarten. The kids whose names started with “A” always got the cold milk and the unbroken cookies. Well, that’s the way it has been for Baby Boomers every year since we first started to have disposable income.
We are the rat in the demographic snake. From music, to movies, to all forms of communication, our tastes have dominated over your tastes, regardless of which generation you’re in, other than ours. And now that we are falling apart absent chemical or surgical enhancement, these ads are the result.
I didn’t do this on purpose. And I didn’t do it alone. But all this is my fault. Right after a spate of ads for nursing homes and prosthetic parts, plus maybe a touch of elaborate funeral homes, we’ll be out of here and y’all can get the popular culture back.
Personally, I’m stubborn. I intend to stick around and see what comes next. Give it your best shot. I promise to be patient, and tolerant. Starting in about ten years.
Of course, there is the little matter that our retirement will destroy Social Security and bankrupt the US government. But that’s an apology for another day.
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About the Author: John Armor practiced in the US Supreme Court for 33 years. John_Armor@aya.yale.edu He lives in the 11th District of North Carolina.
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Every time I see them I think how people that old will break a hip for sure gettin' busy in a bathtub. That said, the bathtub thing (indeed, the point of the whole Cialis campaign) is to stress their claim that the product works for so long that you have all weekend to "take care of business" whenever the mood strikes. But yeah, tha bathtubs are stupid.
I hate that ad.
I'd rather see ads for cigarettes or something than the ads for VD medicine, ED medicine, "Male enhancement", etc.
I just saw that commercial today! Can’t we go back to advertising booze and cigarettes? Please?
You need to track down John Kay... I'm sure he's ready to take these lyrics on the road, although he'll probably need the product himself these days.
Good column, although I don’t blame you!
I don’t watch much TV but I do listen to the radio a lot, and I think radio ads are much more irritating and tasteless that TV ads. Since you asked, here’s what makes me change the station with a spinal impulse:
ED / “performance enhancement”
Ovaltine kids
Raspy voices with NY/NJ accents
Anything about “size” mattering
I feel better now :)
Both Rush and Hannity lose me when the ED ads come on. I switch stations. I have kids in the car, for heaven’s sake.
(Sigh) - I still miss the Marlboro man :-(
The ED commercials are some of the funniest ever put on TV.
I especially like the irony of a man saying the equivalent of ‘I have a potentially fatal disease BUT what’s really scary/important is that I have a limp noodle.’
Liver failure—nothing! Dialysis-eh, minor inconvenience! But ED...OMG...ED...THAT can’t be!
Tell them every organ in their body is failing, but don’t say ED!
Hysterical stuff!
I just hate the commercials about yeast infection meds or female or rectal itch and the ones for Kotex, etc.
funny...FUNNY...FUNNY!
And I've never heard of a man refusing to take pain meds whilepassing a stone, as some women refuse medication during natural childbirth. Whether that's due to men being wiser, or men being bigger whiners, I leave up to the reader.
Could you please give me a clue what the heck you and nmh are talking about with the homo caveman thing?
Me too. The whole "Why should an STD keep me from fornicating some more" vibe is just stupid.
My favorite was the one (which didn't run for long) where the moms and kids are at a bowling alley and the Ovaltine Man shows up with his cart. Yeah, I used to always see cart vendors at the bowling alley when I was a kid...
Keep in mind those are probably local ads...I listen to Rush on two different stations and I've never heard an ED ad.
“Durasell, please don’t judge the rest of us Bible-believing Christian types by the total lack of humor that nmh is exhibiting here. Your question was an obvious joke (and was only dirty if one has a dirty mind) and only a sourpuss would rebuke you for it.”
Speaking for myself, I DO find homosexuals offensive and I don’t like seeing them used for humor. I don’t find perversion funny or acceptable.
I “dont’ have a dirty mind” either to be repulsed by perversion and humor poked at it. What I have found is that when you laugh at perversion it becomes more acceptable.
I’m also not a “sourpus” with being disgusted at GEICO and it’s homosexual slanted ads of ads of “male enhancement or minimizing Herpies - I’m tired of it. All of it seeks to minimize the sin that got you there and have you laugh at sin. As for “male enhancement” - size isn’t everthing.
I don’t find gutter or kinderarten humor acceptable. I know, laugh at higher standards too! What’s wrong is right and right is wrong.
I judge (if that’s the right word) everyone as an individual. Except, of course, cavemen.
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