Posted on 04/27/2007 2:13:45 PM PDT by solon_where_r_u
I am in the middle of a divorce and have a one-year old son whom I plan on raising as well as I can in the time I can spend with him. To this end, if anyone can recommend some character-centered child rearing books, I would be very grateful. Thanks..
Is that the Board of Education that gets applied to the Seat of Knowledge?
My all-time favorite is “How to Make Children Mind Without Losing Yours” by Kevin Lehman (or Leman, not sure which). get it on Amazon.com
Dr. Lehman is a scream, and he has the most engenius way to outsmart, teach and punish kids in effective ways that I have ever seen. His sense of humor is a panic, and if you ever hear him speak, he will leave you rolling in the aisles. He calls the little darling in his book, “Festus.”
Dr. Dobson is good, although I disagree with spanking 18-month-old babies. That can wait awhile.
While they are little, LOVE, LOVE, LOVE them.
I figured it must be from you but it was still jolting.
Thx.
Jackass
Book: TO TRAIN UP A CHILD by Michael Pearl. Please send me personal email, and I will get you the address for ordering.
Besides this, the book of Proverbs in a King James Bible; Ephesians chapter 6; Titus chapter 2 will help much.
The sin nature shows out in a child very early; earlier than 18 months of age. No the child cannot understand his nature at that age, but you do not wait to begin until a child can understand his nature. Outward restraint and discipline is necessary until there is the internal control of character, or better, the Holy Spirit of God.
Eighteen months of age is not too early to begin the use of the rod (Proverbs). Twelve months is not too young, provided that it can be properly ascertained that you are not treating sickness, hunger or a wet/dirty diaper with the rod.
Sole custody period, not only physical
“I’ll Love You Forever”...I cry just reading that title. I received that as a shower gift when pregnant with my first son. What a treasure (the book AND the son...haha).
My three kids benefit *tremendously* from spending about twelve years in our local “Christian Karate” dojo here in North Tampa.
I used this when I taught school and recommended it to parents. His website is: http://www.trelease-on-reading.com/rah.html
The phone book from a large metro area.
Yes I agree! I like this one, too, although I like the 1925 edition. Does the 1950 edition also have a lesson on how to distinguish a republic from a democracy (in favor of a republic) as the 1925 edition does? We purchase military field manuals for our sons as soon as they can read pretty well — which is very early on, thanks to Samuel Blumenfeld’s Alphaphonics. We’ve used Blumenfeld to teach all seven of our children to read (all home schooled). Our kids read anything you put in front of them from age 5. Then their daily readers are the Bible, other Christian books, military field manuals, survival manuals, etc. Our daughters get different books along with the Bible — homemaking, sewing/dressmaking, cooking, etc.
Our 15-year-old son daily reads large portions of Scripture and prophesy conference journals published in London, England between 1894 and 1915. This reading is for doctrinal soundness in the Christian faith (Titus 2:6-8; etc.).
We have no television in our home; our children only rarely ever see any TV programming. Computers are used for special viewing of proper material.
No, we are NOT by any stretch the perfect parents. We’ve learned, however, that making our children lovers of books is far more conducive to maintaining discipline in the home than television and electronic games.
Our children love table games with each other and with us, and with friends. They love church and hearing strong, old-fashioned Bible preaching. They love music: hymn-singing, Christian camp meeting music (1750 to 1945), folk music, classics. And they study foreign languages.
We have the most minimal discipline problems that one can imagine, and usually stearn expressions from my wife or me settle those in a second.
What’s a “miliant”?
I admire you for wanting to be a good parent during a difficult time.
I don’t have children myself, but my older brother’s children lived with me for a time, and have told me they think of me like “mother”. And now that they have children of their own, I think I also have good relationships with the “great” nieces and nephews as well.
I was very touched when my niece told my why her son likes to come stay with Aunt “Caramelgal`”.
He told her that I actually “listened” to him and “talked” with not “at” him. If he asked me a question, I’d give him an honest answer and if I didn’t know the answer, I’d say “I don’t know but “let’s see if we can find the answer together”. I think that was the greatest compliment any person has ever given me.
Since I don’t have kids, perhaps I’m not the best person to give you advice but a lot of the people who write books aren’t necessarily either. But maybe I have a perspective being a “mother” and being an aunt who wasn’t blesses with children or her own. So for what it’s worth, here’s what I learned an observed:
1. Follow your heart but don’t be a slave to it. Kids will ask for anything and everything and they are opportunists – they will play you and or your ex against each other to get what they want in the short term – they are human after all. When I was eight and living with my parents in an apartment in the city, I asked for a pony for Christmas. My dad took me out to a farm instead; I got to ride the pony but I also got to muck up the stable. You can’t buy love or respect, you have to earn it and so do they.
2. Set a good example by being a good example. Kids are not stupid even if they act that way sometimes. They won’t buy into “the do as I say, not as I do” BS.
3. Kids need structure and discipline and they actually want it. My oldest niece once told me how strict I was when she lived with me like – “do your homework as soon as you come home; no TV, no phone calls, and there will be no bargaining” She said she hated it at first but then her grades went up and she started feeling good about school and herself. She liked the structure because she knew what to expect and what the boundaries were even if she still tested them and me sometimes.
4. Don’t be afraid to discipline but do your best to do it out of love, not anger. It’s OK to show your disappointment or even some anger and enforce rules, but it’s not about yelling and screaming and calling your kid “a selfish little pig” because you are angry with your ex.
5. And don’t make personal like when they get a bad report card; it’s not because they are “stupid”, rather it’s “I’m disappointed because you didn’t apply yourself, and you and I know you can do better and you are really selling yourself short. What are “we” going to do to turn this around”? Then talk about your own experiences and what you’ve learned and then tell them exactly what you expect from them and why.
6. Be honest. If you try to be the perfect Superman 24-7, you will fail and they will see that you are a fraud and if you’re not honest about your shortcomings as a human being, then they will have no idea how to deal with their own short comings. Be strong, be a role model but don’t’ be afraid to be human.
7. Don’t diss your ex even if she talks bad about you. As painful as that is sometimes and even if she takes the low road and alienates your child from you for a time; you need to always take the high road. I’ve seen it happen in my own family and parental alienation; while it may separate you from your child physically and emotionally for a time; your child’s love and respect it will come back to you ten-fold. He or she will get to an age when they are able to understand the selfish manipulations of the other parent and they will resent your spouse’s manipulation of them and they will come to respect you even more That doesn’t mean giving up your rights as a parent, but it means not using your kid as a pawn in your personal battle with your ex.
8. Learn about not only what your kid is interested in but why. Try to be open-minded. After all your parents didn’t’ like Elvis or the Beatles or Black Sabbeth either. So you aren’t into Harry Potter or X-Box games and Modest Mouse; you may not like what they like but don’t close your mind. Try to understand why they like it and make conversation with them about it. You may find what they like isn’t all that much different from what you like. I recently learned my great nephew is really into jazz and he learned that I have a White Stripes in my CD collection
9. Again, kids are not stupid. They can see what is going on around them. They listen, they observe, they understand much more than we give them credit for and they make impressions about us by the impression we make on them.
10. And finally: Love them, Love them, Love them. They are a gift.
I recommend Dr. Benjamin Spock - “Baby and Child Care”.
I recommend that if you have this book or receive it as a gift that you pay no attention to what it says.
Our youngest is 16, and I still remember how what he had to say transformed me from a harried, exhausted mother of 3 small children into a calm, in control, and happy woman.
After assimilating what his books taught, we could take any one of our kids anywhere, and not be afraid that they would act out or create a big hassle. His writing was simply common sense, but as baby boomers exposed to the "self-esteem" movement, we had no confidence in our abilities to do what was right. Thank God for Dr. James Dobson.
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