Posted on 03/21/2007 4:08:44 PM PDT by BigBlueJon
I am offering a breakthrough idea of magnificent proportions. Fat Offsets! No longer do you have to suffer from obesity. No longer do you have to hear jokes about love handles, padunkadunk butts, or other comments or phrases having the word "lard" in it.
How does this work, you say? Well, you can buy "Fat Offsets." What does this mean? Offset means “neutralize,” “balance,” or “cancel out.” When we do certain activities like gorge our guts, stuff our faces or eat till our eyes bulge out we produce large amounts of Fat, or Adipose Tissue.
Fat offsets counteract these activities by funding projects that remove unwanted body fat from other people. You do not have to lose weight. You can pay for other people to lose weight for you by purchacing Fat Offsets.
When you buy a fat offset, therefore, you are paying to reduce the amount of fats in the world all the while feeling guilt free and very full.
Fat offsets are an easy and affordable way to compensate for our contribution to global obesity. They are a critical piece of the solution to global fattening because they push investments into new technologies and programs that make a difference today.
Fat Offsets are the answer for people both young and old. Why lose weight when you can pay someone else to lose it for you. You can eat all that you want and know that you are making a difference because someone, somewhere is working out and dieting anyway.
Feel good about yourself and feel guilt free. Fat Offsets are the answer for a feel good future and a world where thin and fat can live together in peace and harmony.
..."you owe me a check"....."I'm already starving many in the Third World."
Hey....the Fat Offset pie is big enough for a lot of us smart people to have a piece. I started my Fat Offset foundation, you can start yours.
Is this a great country or what?
You're a great American. Obviously you realize the importance of reducing the "Fat Footprint" by buying Fat Offsets. Good luck with your carbon footprint.
Well, I'm not sure I fully grasp the concept of the Adipose Offset, I CAAAAAAAARE and have to make everyone around me know it. Is that good enough?
How about starting a SIN offset program?
I'd like to build up a bunch of credits
so I could start sinnin' again bigtime,
fulltime and not have to worry about guilt.
Or maybe I could just become a dimocrap again.
Lew, not ready to cast the first stone, in Ks.
I realize that. Good grief.
"I realize that. Good grief."
Sorry if I made it appear as if you didn't know the difference of the two. That wasn't the intent. But, anyway, thanks for furthering the awareness of Fat Offsets.
"Is that good enough?"
It's a start, but not good enough. You have to buy the offsets to really show that you care. Otherwise you're still doing what you're doing with guilt. Offsets help to ease the guilt.
Carbon offsets, unfortunately, are already available on eBay. I have a great friend who is offering to recycle for a month from the highest bidder. Since he's not in a municipal recycling Nanny State with automatic separation of garbage, his endeavor will require considerable effort.
For his extra driving, I'm giving him my carbon footprint credit, since I live in a small house and have a short commute.
Good luck. You, too, are a Great American. Raise awareness! It's for the children!
Great idea!
I too will buy.
But first I need to know, will this change the answer I must give anytime my Bride asks me... " does this make my butt look bigger"?
" does this make my butt look bigger"?
You can by Fat Offsets in bulk. Say "No" guilt free.
We have somebody lined up for marketing and somebody for sales. Now we have you to line up our corporate relations. See, everyone can play a part and make money, and more importantly, raise awareness.
Work at last! Now we can eat!
I am offering sin-offsets. You can do whatever you want but buy sin-credits from nuns (at least that is where I think I will get them)
I also have a nifty marketing name for the product: "Indulgences"(tm)!
(patent pending)
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