Posted on 03/21/2007 4:08:44 PM PDT by BigBlueJon
I am offering a breakthrough idea of magnificent proportions. Fat Offsets! No longer do you have to suffer from obesity. No longer do you have to hear jokes about love handles, padunkadunk butts, or other comments or phrases having the word "lard" in it.
How does this work, you say? Well, you can buy "Fat Offsets." What does this mean? Offset means neutralize, balance, or cancel out. When we do certain activities like gorge our guts, stuff our faces or eat till our eyes bulge out we produce large amounts of Fat, or Adipose Tissue.
Fat offsets counteract these activities by funding projects that remove unwanted body fat from other people. You do not have to lose weight. You can pay for other people to lose weight for you by purchacing Fat Offsets.
When you buy a fat offset, therefore, you are paying to reduce the amount of fats in the world all the while feeling guilt free and very full.
Fat offsets are an easy and affordable way to compensate for our contribution to global obesity. They are a critical piece of the solution to global fattening because they push investments into new technologies and programs that make a difference today.
Fat Offsets are the answer for people both young and old. Why lose weight when you can pay someone else to lose it for you. You can eat all that you want and know that you are making a difference because someone, somewhere is working out and dieting anyway.
Feel good about yourself and feel guilt free. Fat Offsets are the answer for a feel good future and a world where thin and fat can live together in peace and harmony.
There's money to be made anywhere my friend. I mean, raising awareness can be accomplished in many ways.
Except for that baked potato, you should be getting the money.
Big business, corporations, even restaurants can purchase Fat Offsets. It's all for the greater good. Ruth's Chris would be a welcome donor.
My BMI is 12; pay up!
The name sounds familiar.
So, if I eat a pound of navy beans w/ smoked ham and onions and buy a fat offset from you, will all the flatulence and odor be at your house? My wife will pay you a fortune for that type of service.
P.T. Barnum is existing in a purgatory of uselessness presently.
You're a typical right-winger and clearly don't understand how offsets work. I won't eat grain fed beef with a butter and sour cream drenched potato and creamed spinach stuffed in mushroom caps as the offset so that you may do so guilt free.
No pictures of Fat Offsets?
Guranteed to work!
This should make Algore feel very proud.
But if they are paying with their own hard earned labor, then they wouldn't be liberals.
Oh, what a tangled web we weave.
"My BMI is 12; pay up!"
It's not about what you do or how fit you are. It's about how guilty and afraid it can make you feel because you're not doing enough. Pay me and the "Fat Offset" will make me, I mean you feel better.
You are now hired. Now, sit back and reap the benefits of Fat Offset awareness.
See post 50.
I like your way of thinking. Please send a resume.....and a donation.
I know that every time I fly I sit next to a fat offset. Beats me why I pay for an entire seat when I have to share.
Actually, Jon, you owe me a check: by virtue of being American (and, gasp, a Republican Capitalist Pig), I'm already starving many in the Third World.
FReepmail me for my address - I need the money to pay for my Carbon Footprints.
Fat Offsets, just like Carbon Offsets, show us that it's not what you, or the other guy, do or don't do, it's about feeling good about doing absolutely nothing.
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