Posted on 03/21/2007 4:08:44 PM PDT by BigBlueJon
I am offering a breakthrough idea of magnificent proportions. Fat Offsets! No longer do you have to suffer from obesity. No longer do you have to hear jokes about love handles, padunkadunk butts, or other comments or phrases having the word "lard" in it.
How does this work, you say? Well, you can buy "Fat Offsets." What does this mean? Offset means “neutralize,” “balance,” or “cancel out.” When we do certain activities like gorge our guts, stuff our faces or eat till our eyes bulge out we produce large amounts of Fat, or Adipose Tissue.
Fat offsets counteract these activities by funding projects that remove unwanted body fat from other people. You do not have to lose weight. You can pay for other people to lose weight for you by purchacing Fat Offsets.
When you buy a fat offset, therefore, you are paying to reduce the amount of fats in the world all the while feeling guilt free and very full.
Fat offsets are an easy and affordable way to compensate for our contribution to global obesity. They are a critical piece of the solution to global fattening because they push investments into new technologies and programs that make a difference today.
Fat Offsets are the answer for people both young and old. Why lose weight when you can pay someone else to lose it for you. You can eat all that you want and know that you are making a difference because someone, somewhere is working out and dieting anyway.
Feel good about yourself and feel guilt free. Fat Offsets are the answer for a feel good future and a world where thin and fat can live together in peace and harmony.
Now you're making me hungry!
Pictures? No, it's not about what I do or how I look. It's all about others and how much money we can accumulate to raise awareness.
I put a hold on that check.....
That's selfish....become a part of the solution. It's good for the "chillren."
A hold on the check?
That's ok, I still accept cash or credit card. Remember, it's all about feeling guilt free.
Why bother?
I saw some fattie on TV today, who had an aura of power about him, state that we are ALL going to die anyway all because of ourselves.
I don't know who he was, all I know is he talked slowly and was covered in sweat.
"I don't know who he was, all I know is he talked slowly and was covered in sweat."
Was it ManBearPig?
I have been doing this for years only without spending any money. Everytime I see Sally Struthers telling me that I can feed a hungry child for only 32 cents a week, I change the channel and make myself eat a hot fudge sundae. Very effective and not expensive at all!
....Another great way to show the total hypocrisy of the carbon offset clowns.
Thanks, but it's not about hypocrisy, (wink, wink,) it's about feeling better, and making a quick buck. I mean, raising funds for "Fat" awareness and research.
Sure, you feel better now, but you can spend money for Fat Offsets and feel much better, and know that for very little effort you are making a big difference.
Then I toast you, supersized milkshake in hand!
Sounds like dinner at Ruth's Chris!
That's the spirit. Get involved. Once Fat Offsets get greater exposure and more funding for research, you may get offered a marketing position.
I do feel lighter already, especially in my wallet!
Thanks for the money, I mean, donation to a great cause. You're feeling less guilt now, aren't you?
Just keep buying Fat Offsets and you can eat all the ribs you want. Somebody's burning fat as we speak and you didn't have to do a thing but keep eating what you're eating and buying offsets.
"Offsets for ignorant liberals?..... "
Great idea, liberals can purchase "lack of intelligence" offsets from conservatives.
Liberals can pay for the right to be ignorant.
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