I Miss Iraq. I Miss My Gun. I Miss My War.

MSN ^ | Brian Mockenhaupt

[Number57]

A few months ago, I found a Web site loaded with pictures and videos from Iraq, the sort that usually aren't seen on the news. I watched insurgent snipers shoot American soldiers and car bombs disintegrate markets, accompanied by tinny music and loud, rhythmic chanting, the soundtrack of the propaganda campaigns. Video cameras focused on empty stretches of road, building anticipation. Humvees rolled into view and the explosions brought mushroom clouds of dirt and smoke and chunks of metal spinning through the air. Other videos and pictures showed insurgents shot dead while planting roadside bombs or killed in firefights and the remains of suicide bombers, people how they're not meant to be seen, no longer whole. The images sickened me, but their familiarity pulled me in, giving comfort, and I couldn't stop. I clicked through more frames, hungry for it. This must be what a shot of dope feels like after a long stretch of sobriety. Soothing and nauseating and colored by everything that has come before. My body tingled and my stomach ached, hollow. I stood on weak legs and walked into the kitchen to make dinner. I sliced half an onion before putting the knife down and watching slight tremors run through my hand. The shakiness lingered. I drank a beer. And as I leaned against this kitchen counter, in this house, in America, my life felt very foreign.

[rlmorel]

Thanks for your service, Van Jenerette, and...

Welcome Home, Soldier. As we saw at the Gathering of Eagles on Saturday, your country IS grateful for what you did and how you did it.

At least the part of the country that COUNTS is grateful.

[river rat]

More than 40 years.....

For old warriors, there is a place somewhere between sanity and insanity - there is another region of the mind most folks don't know of or have to hide from...

Sane enough to celebrate survival, having children and grandchildren........and far enough from insanity to avoid detention...

There is that place, where remembered faces or events bring on quiet uncontrollable tears and shortness of breath..
There are those times - when the sight of a flag or tombstone or wispy cloud will bring a paralyzed state of deep freezing sadness. A warm windblown rain, can transport one 10,000 miles in an instant -- and out of that quiet forest walk and into a crashingly loud smoky state of utter confusion and fear.

On the one hand --- you realize you were never more alive than when facing death.....and never hating death more than when holding a beloved brother in your arms while he took his last pain racked breaths...

I hope the writer of this article doesn't carry his ghosts for 40 years..... He has to close that book..

His next challenge will be to overcome the anger and deep hatred when he sees those who live in freedom purchased at the cost of GOOD Men's lives --- many of whom are such wasted pieces of shit.

Too many Americans were and are not worth the cost of their misspent freedom.
That is one of the saddest aspects of America having lost so many who were worth so much -- for so many who are worthless.

Semper Fi

[SIDENET]

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[Minutemen]

Bump

[CheneyChick]

Thanks for posting this.

[rlmorel]

"...Too many Americans were and are not worth the cost of their misspent freedom..."

You mean like THESE...river rat?

Take heart my friend. There are many who are worth it. And we outnumbered the scum on Saturday.

Welcome Home.

[JDoutrider]

His next challenge will be to overcome the anger and deep hatred when he sees those who live in freedom purchased at the cost of GOOD Men's lives --- many of whom are such wasted pieces of shit. Too many Americans were and are not worth the cost of their misspent freedom. That is one of the saddest aspects of America having lost so many who were worth so much -- for so many who are worthless.

Indeed!

Which is the very reason I force myself to stay away from the War protests... I know damn well I would make front page national news if I went Asiatic on that crowd! It would be too easy...

[wtc911]

I got the same feeling for years after leaving NYPD. Different scale of intensity but more in common than not.

[Number57]

I can't tell you how much that moved me. Great post, man.

I feel a powerful connection to all our fighting men, though I never served (I committed a felony in 1981 at age 17 and was therefor turned away from every service I attempted to enlist with. My personal shame & regret).

My son is 15 and eager to join the Army... happily, he is much smarter and level-headed than I was at his age.

From my heart, I thank all of you who have kept my freedom alive.

[rlmorel]

I understand how you feel, but I think you would be surprised, especially with all the support around you.

Those young Marines, on the other hand, were full of piss and vinegar when it came to the protestors. I thought we might have to collar and leash them. When the antiwar protesters surged in on us and nearly surrounded us, one of the scumbags started yelling at us "We sent those people over there without body armor and with unarmored humvees..."

One of the Marines nearly leaped across the human wall and started yelling at the person "I WAS ONE OF THOSE "PEOPLE" IN THE HUMVEES OVER THERE! I'VE HAD FRIENDS WHO DIED OVER THERE! YOU'VE NEVER BEEN THERE! YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT!"

He was smokin hot. Didn't shut the protester up, though. Went right over the head.

[Liberty Valance]

Thanks for the ping Brucifer.

[Cannoneer No. 4]

Harassing my trusty IO auxiliary in the rear to hit my ping lists for me. This is good.

[Cannoneer No. 4]

ping

[Cannoneer No. 4]

Click on the link and read the whole thing.

I missed Afghanistan when I came home last year, and when I finally come home to stay, I'll go through all this again.

I really dread coming home and looking for work and trying to explain to potential employers where I've been and what I've done and feigning enthusiasm for the machts nix penny ante BS they think is important.

[MinorityRepublican]

Now that makes me wonder how many AMericans served in Iraq since 2003? Up to 1,000,000?

[river rat]

"There are many who are worth it. And we outnumbered the scum on Saturday."

No doubt - or this nation could not continue to field the finest military on the planet...
I am totally convinced we're going to need them and use them to their FULLEST capability.

But - I won't be happy, until we can cull out the bastards in our society for Reeducation, Deportation, Incarceration or Extermination.... I'm all out of compassion for the leftist bastards.. I don't want to negotiate with them, or kiss their asses, or give them "equal time"......I want them squared away - gone, locked up or DEAD.

Anyone aware of the "cause" and hatred that drove Blackhawk Down, 9/11 and the 10's of THOUSANDS of militant Islamic provocations and strikes against us or our allies -- and not ready to fight to the death -- isn't worth considering as a person worthy of an opinion or citizenship....

At my age, I simply need to arrange to have all my fights close to home -- these old wheels just won't carry me to the far away sounds of guns anymore!

Semper Fi

[Steel Wolf]

And as I leaned against this kitchen counter, in this house, in America, my life felt very foreign.

I remember that feeling closely. The thoughts and reflexes that govern your life in Iraq are alien to the average American. I was practically unfit to drive for the first two weeks back. While half asleep on my way to work, I reflexively reached back to tap my gunner's leg, to alert him of something or other that aroused my sleepy suspicion, and realized that I was in my Honda, not a Humvee. A few days later, close to the 4th of July, I had nearly taken cover behind my couch when some neighborhood kids started playing with fireworks in the street outside. Reflexes die hard.

While the little habits that dominated your daily life fade and pass, and the foreign feel of America dissolves, it's replaced by an uneasy sense of knowing too much. Of not being able to explain to people what you learned, and what they don't understand. Concern about being judged by the ignorant and the willfully wrong. Lots of people have strong feelings for or against Iraq, and practically none of them understand it. It's far more complex than many people realize, and folks generally latch on to one aspect of it, and think they understand the rest. Those are the hardest to talk to, because they think they get it, but they don't.

Iraqi vets are an interesting bunch. We're probably on track to be like the WWI vets. Good friends from an unpopular war, close knit, and not really talking about it years later. Most of us wear the disdain of our critics with pride, but keep it to ourselves. We already know our place. We won't be lionized the WWII vets, won't vanish like Korean vets, and won't linger darkly in the public imagination like Vietnam vets. There aren't so many of us, like in wars past, but we're used to the numbers being against us. Many or few, we'll make our way, and we'll be fine.

[FreedomPoster]

Pinging the Cannoneer's ping lists for him.

I'm mildly misusing some of the lists, but am hoping folks won't mind.

[Cannoneer No. 4]

Thanks, pard.

[FreedomPoster]

What sort of connection do you have out there? Are you at the end of a wet noodle and two tin cans? Or is more just machine access time constraints?