What Would FReepers Do? A Question to the Forum.

RFace's Life ^ | 3.17.2007 | RFace

[rface]

I now know what I am going to do – But I am curious as to what other FReepers might do when faced with this situation.

What will I do?? (I know what I am going to do.)

I have a cousin whom I love, and with whom I am close. I grew up with this guy. We are both in our middle 40s. We both have gone through our teen-age years with some trouble along the way – and we both now hold good jobs. We both have done pretty well – in spite of our earlier attempts at self-destruction…..and in spite of some heavy burdens that life has thrown our way.

I was married a few months ago (my 2nd…and my last) and I invited my cousin and his “significant other” to our wedding. They flew in from Boston and my wife and I were very happy to have them here to be at our wedding.

I am very close to my cousin. I also like, and get along with, his “significant other”. My Cousin and I don’t see eye-to-eye on some things, but he did vote for Bush in 2000. And we agree on a lot of taxation and financial conservative views. He’s pretty much conservative-ish….sort of…(not that his politics has anything to do with this issue) ….except that he’s gay and he sent me a wedding invitation for me and my wife to come to the wedding in Massachusetts.

My Cousin knows where I stand on the Gay Marriage issue…. And my wife shares my view. Our views are not secretly held. We both think a Marriage is between a man and woman – but we both also think “civil unions” may be an option that Gay couples should be able to utilize.

The Question: Would you go to a family members Gay Wedding under a situation like this??

[pedestrianrage]

how are you going to continue having a relationship with your cousin if you can't accept the person who is going to be with him for the rest of his life and you can't accept the fact that they are together? and if you boycott their wedding because of your disdain for their relationship, do you think they're going to want to continue seeing you, in return? what about if they adopt or foster kids? what about when they attend your family functions together? these are just a few of things you should probably be asking yourself, and i don't think anyone's personal opinion here is going to help you arrive at a decision.

[pedestrianrage]

i meant to write "is going to help you arrive at a decision (even though you've already arrived at one)". sorry.

[proud American in Canada]

I would definitely go. You have always been close to him, have obviously gone through a lot with him and seem to love him. You would not ignore his wedding if he was marrying a woman you couldn't stand. You would grin and bear it. I'm assuming his partner is probably someone you like and even if he isn't, grin and bear it. Don't hurt your cousin. You can go to the ceremony and leave the reception early. Or you can find a reason to skip the ceremony and just go to the reception. But you really need to attend one or the other or both otherwise your relationship will never be the same.

Excellent post! I agree with kedd.

[Kaylee Frye]

This is a hard one. My brother is gay and I could envision such a scenario in the future. I think this is one for hubby and I to discuss. I like the responses about going to the reception but not the "wedding". I'm just not sure. I can imagine if I said no in any form it would be a very very big deal in my family. But so would be attending a ceremony I knew to be flying in the face of what I believe... I can see why this would be a hard choice. Good luck!

[WackySam]

If you do decide to go, be very wary of anyone wanting to push in your stool while you're at the bar.

[USMMA_83]

Family first, always. Our Veep still loves his lesbian daughter...family first...always...

[USMMA_83]

That was about the funniest thing on this nonsense thread....

[Mrs.Liberty]

Go.

#1: Blood is thicker than water. Your family will always be there for you.

#2: You've already validated their relationship as a couple by inviting them to attend your wedding. Therefore, there really is no dilemma. Go to the ceremony and reception and enjoy yourselves.

[merry10]

I agree with Mrs. Liberty. I know she would come to my wedding if I were marrying a female. Have a great time!

[fwdude]

Here's a little experiment:
Would you have thought about going 35, 40 years ago to a "wedding" between a close cousin and a same sex partner (be honest)? If not, what has changed other than your level of acceptance of a destructive, immoral lifestyle?

[Ex-Episcopalian]

Would you go to a family member's wedding if the groom were marrying his own daughter? Supposing the bride is over 21, and they "really really love each other." All that matters is that they are in love, and they're family, right? If not, why would that be different from this case? Where would you draw the line? To attend a wedding is to celebrate someone's union. It's not like going to a movie. Either you believe this is immoral, or you don't.

[Hegewisch Dupa]

You invited them to yours, so I don't understand why you are questioning what the right thing to do is now. I also don't understand your choice of keywords if you still don't know your answer.

[NavySon]

If I were in your shoes, I'd tell my cousin that I disagree with what he's doing, but I would still go because he's family. A disagreement is not worth creating a schism in your family. Believe me, I know, and it's not worth it.

[rface]

I didn't put any "key words" in. Any poster can insert a key word. YOU can add a key word......go ahead and do it.

I never....not one time....asked anyone what the right thing to do was. I never asked for your advise -- I didn't ask a single FReeper for their advise. I decided what to do before I posted this thread. (Read my post before you post me a scolding reply)

To refresh your memory, the question is: What Would FReepers do?

I stated later in the thread that I am going. I didn't state what I was doing within the original post.

[Hegewisch Dupa]

here's the part where I sheepishly admit I've been a FReeper for I-don't-recall-how-long, and did not know how keywords work. My apologies....

[rface]

forgetaboutit. I have done worse

[pollyannaish]

Good thread. I've read through it and its been an interesting and illuminating discussion.

Thanks for posting it.

[gidget7]

No. I would make it clear and in as loving a way as possible, that I did not support what he was doing in his life. Much as I would someone who was committing adultery. I would also make it clear that approval and love were not the same thing, and that I indeed did love him very much, but cannot support these decisions.

I was put in a situation where I was called upon by a cousin to attend a bridal shower for her, during a pregnancy where she intentionally became pregnant with no intention of marrying the father. I love the child, and welcomed it, as it wasn't the childs fault, I could not condone her actions in having it out of wedlock.

[gidget7]

sorry, that was a "baby shower"

[highlander_UW]

There are many things I find as abominable. This is not one of them. Child abuse, murder, torture, oppression, etc; those I do find abominable. Love (even between gay and lesbian couples) I do not.

You are not alone, although I'd rather go by God's values. That would include torture, murder, child abuse etc as abominations as well. It's not an either or.