Cuban Doctors: Imperialist Embargo Is Killing Fidel

Habana, Cuba -- Called to task by Fidel Castro to explain themselves for botching several operations on the 80 year old Cuban President, his surgeons have taken the unprecedented action of holding a news conference to explain to the world President Castro's medical condition. Chief Surgeon Rafael Bernardo of the Cuban Escuela Latinoamericana de Ciencias Médicas explained to the gathering: "When we first operated on the Maximum Leader we'd thought that he was suffering from a broken Wish Bone. The operation made President Castro's condition even worse. After several more unsuccessful operations on a Funny Bone, his Spare Ribs, and Water on the Knee we realized that his problem had to be related to his Bread Basket. Of course, if it were not for the U.S. embargo we would have had modern medical training devices and operated on his Bread Basket sooner," Cuba's Chief Surgeon said.

Cuban doctors went on to explain that Comrade Castro's medical condition could have been easily treated when his first symptoms appeared - if it were not for the criminal Yankee war of imperialism and the inhuman blockade of Cuba. "Our doctors, though the best in the world, are forced to learn medicine using 1950s pre-revolution medical training devices - much like the Iraqi doctors under Saddam Hussein when their country was also suffering from the U.S. embargo," the doctors complained.

"President Castro's grave medical condition proves once again that the capitalist Empire of America will do everything possible to force the Cuban people to live on so little for so long," Cuban doctors said. "The world community should make Americans feel shame and guilt for not allowing the heroic Cuban people to live off generous donations from rich Western individuals and corporations, like all the other heroic socialist nations of the Third World do."

Castro Surgery Botched

Cuban leader Fidel Castro has long boasted that Cuba’s doctors and free public health care system provide care superior to that available in “backward capitalist plutocracies.” Nevertheless, it now appears that he, himself, has fallen victim to communism’s notorious incompetence. Doctors say it looks like Castro received questionable or even botched care at the hands of Cuba’s doctors.

According to Spain’s media, Castro is in “very serious” condition after three failed operations on his large intestine for diverticulitis. The condition is not normally fatal in Imperialist America. A key could be the curricula at the two nations’ medical schools.

To practice medicine in Cuba, doctors must pass grueling tests on the “Marxist-Leninist Theory of Medicine.” “Marx made it quite clear that ‘dialectical materialism’ is the foundation of all science,” said Hermano Doliente, Cuba’s Minister of Health. “We are not blinded by bourgeois fallacies like they are in America. A proper ideology is critical to dispensing appropriate care.”

Dr. Meyer Solny, a veteran gastrointestinal expert at New York Presbyterian Hospital and the Weill Cornell College of Medicine, said Castro’s doctors erred by seeking to avoid a colostomy -- or opening in the abdomen to get rid of stool -- after an initial operation to remove part of his large intestine. This has allowed excrement to back up into Castro’s body cavity. “Quite literally, Castro is ‘full of shit,’” said Solny. “I’d call it an ironic consequence of his political philosophy.”

Doliente defended the surgical method as “necessary to avoid the waste of the President’s ‘essential emanations.’” “We had the opportunity tighten up Fidel’s system to prevent losses of vital outputs,” said Doliente. “Fidel is no ordinary man. He cannot be treated in an ordinary way.”

U.S. medical experts were also puzzled by a report that Castro had undergone a third operation to implant a Korean-made device, possibly a missile launching tube, after a second failed operation.

“I would say that that would likely be a very risky situation because the large intestine lacks the necessary rigidity to support a missile launch,” said Dr. Stephen Hanauer, chief of gastroenterology at the University of Chicago. He said the use of such a device is in such cases was “experimental” at best and unheard of in the United States.

Doliente called the report slander. “It is an ANTI-missile launcher,” Doliente said. “Fidel has many enemies. He needs the best possible defense.”

read more...

http://www.azconservative.org/Semmens1.htm

one of my favorites too. I try to be selective and post a very few "best of" articles. I almost posted the progressive bible one, didn't make the cut. Here is an excerpt:

Other revised inspirational stories of moral relativism include:

* The Organic Garden of Eden
* Pharaoh Has Two Mummies
* What Happens in Sodom and Gomorrah Stays in Sodom and Gomorrah
* Noah Builds Ark to Survive Global Warming
* Jonah Saves the Whale
* David Appeases Goliath
* The Bilingual Writing on the Wall
* The Tower of Babel & The Controlled Demolition Theory
* Uncle Samson & The NY Times Reporter Delilah
* Judas The ACLU Lawyer
* Joseph & Mary Celebrate Holiday Season By Donating Fetus To Federal Embryonic Stem Cell Bank
* Government Program Feeds The Multitudes with Five "Whole Grain" Loaves And Two Non-Endangered Fishes

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