you'll always get MORE of what you put up with...
Posted on 01/09/2007 3:03:21 PM PST by presidio9
If you think you’re the only parent struggling to rear an unruly child destined to become a careless member of the society, think again. Almost one-third of parents believe their disciplining styles are ineffective.
In a survey of more than 2,000 parents of children between the ages of 2 and 11, researchers for the first time examined four common ways of disciplining kids —“time-outs,” removal of privileges, yelling and spanking.
More than 45 percent of the parents reported using time-outs as a disciplinary action. Almost 42 percent removed their child’s privileges, followed by 13 percent who resorted to yelling and 9 percent who opted to spank their children, the researchers report in the January issue of the journal Clinical Pediatrics.
Almost 31 percent of participants reported they believed their methods were not effective, and more than 38 percent were using the same discipline methods their own parents used on them as a child.
“There was actually an inverse relationship between self-reports of yelling at children and perceived effectiveness of discipline,” said lead study author Shari Barkin, a physician at the Monroe Carell Jr. Children’s Hospital at Vanderbilt. “But we strongly suspect that both yelling and spanking might be underreported, because we know when parents perceive their methods are not working, as one-third reported, then emotions can quickly escalate,” she said.
Barkin and colleagues think pediatricians should address discipline when parents bring their children to the doctor’s office for visits.
“Discipline is a central element of what parents do every day, and it’s important to develop systems to support parents so that they can apply positive parenting to improve outcomes in children,” Barkin told LiveScience.com.
“In this study, we altered the manner in which we asked families about discipline," she explained. "This created a shared dialogue rather than a lecture."
"Time out" and "removing privileges" are of the same ilk, and are basically ineffective because they are essentially bargaining/bribing tools. There is something material to give and take, and worse, you are giving a non-thinking little child a choice when they aren't mature enough to do such things. Not that you can't do the "withdrawal" concept many times reasonably, but to have it as the prime tool has to be ineffective. (This article doesn't tell us that specifically, but I think we can read between the lines - and we see it every day.)
Jesus H. Christ, I wish there were more parents out there like you.
It is better to be both feared and loved, but if it is a choice between the two then , it is better to be feared than loved.....
because friendships that are obtained by payments(giving a kid toys or money), and not by greatness or nobility of mind,(family rules and holding a kid to be responsible for actions) may indeed be earned, but they are not secured, and in time of need cannot be relied upon; and men have less scruple in offending one who is beloved than one who is feared, for love is preserved by the link of obligation which, owing to the baseness of men, is broken at every opportunity for their advantage; but fear preserves you by a dread of punishment which never fails.(knowing that every time they broke the rules they were punished.)
works for me and my four kids...
Parenting is hard work. IMO, spanking is for parents who don't want to make the effort and work hard. I'm sorry if I offended anyone because I know there are a lot of good parents who spank their kids, but that's just the way I feel.
Dear the OlLine Rebel,
Well, I distinguish between physical discipline and abuse, as well.
Nonetheless, I've never found it necessary to spank, hit, or smack either of my sons.
I was hit occasionally as a child, although on only one or two occasions would I term it to have been abusive. Of the four children in my family, I think I was hit the least. I was typically considered the best-behaved kid in the family.
Conversely, two of my siblings routinely got the daylights knocked out of them. I don't mean that they got spanked regularly. I mean, they got beat up. They were considered the less well-behaved children. One of these two attended three different high schools, not by choice.
So, one wonders whether they got hit more because they were just worse-behaved children, or whether the discipline meted out to them was just ineffective, never resulting in improved behavior in the long-term.
I don't know the answer to that.
I just know that I've never had to hit either of my own sons.
sitetest
Not really. Time out is an immediate consequence to bad behavior. Removing priviledges is long term reinforcement. There is no bargaining unless you allow the child to chose time-out or a loss of priviledges. The key to time-out is that it has to occur immediately even if it interferes with everyone else's good time.
Dear the OlLine Rebel,
"'Time out' and 'removing privileges' are of the same ilk, and are basically ineffective..."
In that the "time-out" was our principal "big gun," I disagree. Our children mostly behaved when told firmly what was expected of them, but time-outs were what would follow if they didn't behave.
Time-outs, properly organized, are an extremely effective form of discipline. At least they always have been for us.
sitetest
Dear Labyrinthos,
"The key to time-out is that it has to occur immediately even if it interferes with everyone else's good time."
I agree.
From our experience, here are some other important elements for the effectiveness of the time-out:
- It must be able to occur anywhere, at any time. My older son was absolutely horrified to be timed-out by my wife in the Philadelphia Children's Museum, in front of literally hundreds of people.
- Time-outs must be done in a way to deny the child of any further attention or interaction for the length of the time-out. One doesn't time-out one's child and then yammer at them through the time-out. It sorta ruins the whole experience.
sitetest
you'll always get MORE of what you put up with...
Excellent.
I so agree. If anything, I show too much grace and not enough correction...thank God I have a husband that has a sound mind and understanding to fill the voids may I create.
I send the student out of class and place a referral on the online referral and then the admin. tells me that don't you know the student has home problems and let's just let it slide because the student didn't know better. However, in the meantime other students think she was allowed to get away with it so why can't I.
I totally agree.
One of the problems with bad parents is that they are unwilling to behave well themselves and act as role models. They think they can lie to their boss over the phone in front of the kid, yell and disrespect their spouse, do dope and booze in the house, speed with the kids in the car and then lie to the policeman who stops them, and then get mad at their kids when they mess up.
Honey, you need a little spellchecking, too.
Spank harder. It works.
Lol hilarious!
I tell my son his Nintendo Gamecube is going away for a week and the boy becomes a saint.
Tell any addict that you're gonna take away their "stuff" and they get good!! LOL
I come from a family of four boys who were routinely spanked, hit, smacked, etc. Was it effective punishment? Well, if you consider the fact that it continued on and on, I would have to say no. I have three boys and have never laid a hand on one. In fact, when little, on the very rare occasion I raised my voice they would instantly burst into tears. ALL punitive measures wear out over time, no matter how harsh. Contrary to many here, I believe that children can be reasoned with, especially when one appeals to their natural sense of empathy. Maybe God has just blessed me with good children, probably so.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.