Call the Dog Whisperer!
Posted on 01/09/2007 12:21:16 PM PST by Paddlefish
About one in three parents in the United States and Canada do not think their methods of disciplining their children work well, according to a U.S. study.
Dr. Shari Barkin, at Tennessee's Monroe Carell Jr. Children's Hospital at Vanderbilt found 31 percent of about 5,000 parents surveyed said they 'never' or 'sometimes' perceived their methods to be effective.
Many of those reported turning into their own parents when it came to discipline, with 38 percent using the same methods their own parents used on them as children.
'It was surprising to see how many parents feel that disciplining their children is ineffective,' Barkin said in a telephone interview.
'Many are using the same techniques their parents used on them but don't think they really work.'
The study, based on a survey of parents through community based doctors in 32 U.S. states, Puerto Rico and Canada, found the most common form of discipline was using time-outs, with 45 percent of parents using this method.
It found 41.5 percent of parents removed privileges, while 13 percent reported yelling at their children, and 8.5 percent reported the use of spanking 'often or always.'
'But we strongly suspect that both yelling and spanking might be underreported,' said Barkin, whose study is published in the January issue of the journal Clinical Pediatrics.
'We know when parents perceive their methods are not working. As a third reported, then emotions can quickly escalate.'
She said by the time children reached the six to 11-year-old age range, parents were about 25 percent less likely to report using time-outs and spanking as they were with younger children.
When children reached school age, parents reported a heavier use of taking away privileges and yelling.
But even in the older age range, perception that the discipline might not be working persisted.
(Excerpt) Read more at lifestyle.monstersandcritics.com ...
And if you've had to repeat yourself, there must still be a consequence, even if they stop it once you've gotten up...else they know they can safely ignore you until you actually get up, or actually get ahold of them.
And very nearly the same techniques when the children are very young...with allowances for differing frailty.
Call the Dog Whisperer!
Use of the game term "Time-out" implicity suggests to the child a percieved lack of seriousness on the parents part.
My grandpa always told me that whenever his dad hung the strap on a doorknob, he knew it was time to behave.
[An only parent, even a mother, CAN effectively parent and discipline. And I had a very difficult child.]
I agree, and I've seen quite a few examples of well behaved and respectful children raised by single parents, as well as spoiled, ill-behaved children in traditional households.
But the task of instilling discipline in children is inherently more difficult with only one proper authority figure (no matter how consistently good at parenting) than with two present in the same home. When my wife departed in 2001, my daughter became "a very difficult child" as well. It's taken a whole lot of extra effort to keep her on the right path, essentially having to do all the duties of two parents, myself. From what you wrote, I can guess that you're as familiar as I am (and with so many others, now) with just how much harder it is to be both the mom and the dad at the same time.
Now that my daughter is thirteen, I find that I'm inadequate as the female role model that she needs (and badly misses) but I don't know how to provide that for her at this time. In a similar way, teenage boys need a strong male role model living with them to demonstrate, by example, how a proper man should be strong and robust while always practicing restraint and self discipline.
That's a great story. Unfortunately, these days, your Dad would have probably have gotten sued by the wimpy parents for having to discipline their bad kid.
It seems to me that women will talk a problem to death, or negotiate endlessly. Men are less reluctant to discipline, but they tend to be inattentive to their children.
There are many here at FR who want to license parents. Selfish parents are abnegating their child-rearing responsibilities. The consequences follow.
Double Grrr. My daughter once tried that at the Supermarket. I think the word on the street was that parents won't swat their kids in public. I thought about someone calling DSS, but I said, "screw it." I gave her a swat on the butt, and never had any supermarket problems after that.
Actually, a raised voice - used judiciously - conveys the urgency of a situation. As an example, if my own kids have been trained to obey commands uttered in a normal voice, then raising my voice lets them know that they are to obey immediately, without question and without delay.
Unfortunately, yelling tends to become a substitute for "making" the child obey. For a younger child, "making" them obey often means taking them by the hand and guiding them physically through the commanded actions. For an older child, "making" them obey often means ensuring that they do not enjoy life until they have complied - whether through punitive chores, removal of priveleges (my son hates it when I take away his computer priveleges), or similar.
But enough of my rambling...
You caught that too, huh?
It's a proven fact that 9 out of 10 parents think their kid is the best behaved. Well...maybe I made that up, but I can 'cuz my kids are so well behaved.
Wow! Great story.
What would the father have done if he weren't a wuss?
Amen to that. My dd had no trouble understanding I meant exactly what I said, because I followed thru with an actual punishment.
She's been a delight as a consequence.
Get her involved in a purposeful activity with a strong female leader with whose values you agree, and who will reinforce what you teach at home, and you will be just fine.
Additionally, at her age she needs a positive activity other than hanging out with other girls, spending time at the mall and getting led into inappropriate behavior. An engrossing hobby/sport at her age and for the next few years will save you a lot of heartache and do her a world of good.
Another way to handle it is take her a lot of places with you, talk to her a lot, do a lot of listening, and let her see what the adult world is all about. Many times it is an effective antidote to the teenage poison peer group.
It needs to be timely too, so the kids associate what they did with the punishment, none of this "wait 'till your father gets home" stuff. When my 4 yr old disobeys he gets it right then and there, from either Mommy or Daddy.
When your kids end up in juvenile court for graffiti, public drunkenness, destroying property, creating a public nuisance ...
This happened to a neighbor of mine, a very "kind" mother who lost control of her daughter who has a much stronger personalty. The kid was picked up by the police after school for walking home drunk from school (age 12). She then proceeded to slap the cop (bad decision #2) and run off (bad decision #3). After a 3 week stay at the local delinquency center, the family is in mandated counseling including home visits every week until the girl turns 18 (next year).
That's 6 years of being told how to parent.
Corporal punishment is a legitimate form of discipline when it is not used too often and when it is used with restraint. Obviously, it is not appropriate for teens. To rule it out completely, as many of today's child-rearing experts have, is wrong. When a parent is faced with a defiant preschooler who refuses to stop misbehaving, a spank or hair pull will quickly end the bad behavior. It sure beats trying to "reason" with the child or putting the child in a time-out.
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