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Extolling The Female Tongue
GOPUSA ^ | December 18, 2006 | Selwyn Duke

Posted on 12/18/2006 11:41:16 AM PST by Tolerance Sucks Rocks

A long time ago I read a short online piece about how women could get their men to put the toilet seat down. Inherent in it was the idea that this was an example of men's lack of consideration and that the task at hand was one of disciplining these bad boys. I don't know, my attitude is that if women can leave a toilet seat down, men can leave it up.

Of course, this is just a silly, pebble-in-the-shoe issue, but I see it as a metaphor for a modern phenomenon: The casting of women's characteristic behaviors as the norm and men's as dysfunctional deviations.

This is strikingly obvious with the topic of communication. Man has long known that women were the more loquacious sex, and you've probably heard of studies to this effect. A recent book states that women have about 20,000 "communication events" (I love these terms the psycho-babblers conjure up) a day, versus about 7,000 for men. But this is nothing new; who didn't know a bevy of garrulous girls in school?

What is new is the assumption that this imputes superiority to women. "Communication" has become one of the buzzwords of modern psychology. And, whenever relationships are at issue -- be it in a book, article, talk or interview -- almost invariably an "expert" will inform us of two things. One is that women communicate more than men. The other is that an onus belongs on men as this "handicap" of theirs is an impediment to good relations. Why, men need to learn to communicate more and share their feelings, we're told.

Did anyone ever think that maybe women communicate too darn much?

Don't get me wrong, rhetorical license aside, I understand the importance of communication. What bothers me, though, is the knee-jerk assumption here that more is better, a conclusion that most of the same researchers take great pains to forestall when the issue is, oh, let's say, the greater size of the male brain. But this is a principle of sex differences research: When men have more, more is less. When women have less, less is more.

And that's it, more or less.

What seems to escape most is that this modern exaltation of the lip lies in stark contrast to what wisdom has taught since time immemorial. And the truth she imparts is obvious, which is why sayings encapsulating it abound: "Still waters run deep," "Empty kettles make the most noise," "Shallow brooks are noisy" and "There are two kinds of people who don't say much, those who are quiet and those who talk a lot."

It's why movies have always portrayed the strong, silent type who exhibits quiet fortitude as the most heroic of men. It's why good writers value verbosity no more than good surgeons do bloodletting. Delicate operations warrant use of a fine scalpel, something small and sharp that punctures precisely -- and cuts when necessary -- not an implement bigger and blunter. And this is true whether you wish to get at the heart of a man or the heart of a matter: a precise surgical approach is usually preferable. Big, blunt things are better suited to bludgeoning.

To be quite blunt myself, yes, I subscribe to the traditional idea that women are chatterboxes and it's not their best trait. Don't get me wrong, we men have our faults as well. For instance, I absolutely cannot stand my brothers' habit of channel-surfing, which I guess could be characterized as Chatting Finger Syndrome. But here's the difference. Whether it's this masculine foible or another, no one does intellectual contortions to cast it as a positive attribute. At best it's seen as cute quirkiness, at worst as a defect of manliness.

Now, just imagine how it might be if incessant channel-surfing were a characteristic female behavior. It would only be a matter of time before some sickologists conducted a study and portrayed it as yet another example of feminine superiority. It would go something like this:

Channel-surfing is akin to speed-reading, not a function of a fault but indicative of a unique ability. Because women have more neural connections between the two hemispheres of the brain, they can process information faster, allowing them to absorb the substance and assess the value of a given program in mere seconds. Thus, while a man may perceive just a brief snapshot of seemingly unintelligible imagery and sound, his wife has already assimilated the program's relevant information or ascertained it to be devoid of such. "She is anxious to read the next page while he is still on the first paragraph of the last," said Dr. Delilah Emasculata of the Sex Differences Research and Proof That Women Are Better in Every Way So Just Shut-up and Take It Institute.

The truth is that both men and women should understand their sex's characteristic frailties and, just as with any negative proclivity, seek to tame them. Hey, I always ask directions and I'm great at matching colors.

As for communication, I have some of the best advice you gals will ever hear. If you have something important to say, don't embed it in an interminable stream-of-consciousness monologue between words 1129 and 1145 and expect the man in your life to absorb it. It's not that he doesn't care. He has his sanity to think about, you know.

My mother used to teach us that "Speech is silver, silence is golden." I wouldn't expect anyone to learn much while channel-surfing in fully automatic mode. Tongue-surfing isn't much better.

Loquacity doesn't denote sagacity.

Oh, and the toilet seat? I just don't want to talk about it.

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Contact Selwyn Duke

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Note -- The opinions expressed in this column are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the opinions, views, and/or philosophy of GOPUSA.


TOPICS: Culture/Society; Editorial; Front Page News; Philosophy
KEYWORDS: liberalism; men; sexdifferences; talking; women
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

Worse than the incessant need to talk, is the unfathomable desire to find the "hidden" meaning in everything I say.

There is no hidden meaning!
If you didn't understand me, I'll try a different language!


41 posted on 12/18/2006 11:59:30 AM PST by Redbob
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To: Ouderkirk

Hear, Hear! Haven't left the lid up in years.


42 posted on 12/18/2006 11:59:51 AM PST by CholeraJoe (Spork weasels ain't afraid of nuthin' but running out of sardines.)
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To: Junior

I saw the title and immediately thought of you...


43 posted on 12/18/2006 12:00:38 PM PST by cjshapi (Proudly posting without a tagline since 2001)
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To: DManA
"I think its mostly social noise whose function is to reassure them that the communications channels are still open."

I think you're right.

Carolyn

44 posted on 12/18/2006 12:00:57 PM PST by CDHart ("It's too late to work within the system and too early to shoot the b@#$%^&s."--Claire Wolfe)
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To: garyhope

I was in a rest room on a 'military facility' where the cockaroaches were bigger than my shoes. They weren't scared or nothing. just sat there staring... gathering to attack. they were even in the unrinals, sinks, etc.. Musta been fifty of the buggers.

I got the hell out of there before they decided to give chase, and to this day I refuse to return to that building.

But I didn't go far enough in to determine whether the seats were up or down.


45 posted on 12/18/2006 12:01:27 PM PST by camle (keep your mind open and somebody will fill it full of something for you)
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

"...who didn't know a bevy of garrulous girls in school?"

As an exercise in alliteration, I would have said:

"...a gaggle of garrulous girls..."


46 posted on 12/18/2006 12:01:42 PM PST by Old Professer (The critic writes with rapier pen, dips it twice, and writes again.)
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To: JamesP81

Whatever about women's bathrooms.

Pull out the ultraviolet light sometime. See how much urine is all over the toilet and the floor.

Sitting IS superior to standing. It's much, much cleaner for all the others involved. Besides, you get to rest. :D



As for "seat up", I wouldn't care EXCEPT I HATE the COVER being up. To me, the cover should always be down/on except when using the tidy.

I really don't want to lose my glasses or my toothbrush or anything down there, no matter how clean it is!


47 posted on 12/18/2006 12:01:54 PM PST by the OlLine Rebel (Common sense is an uncommon virtue.)
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To: DManA

Men do the hard part, we pull against gravity in raising the seat. When women put it down they are assisted with gravity, their half of the job is easier.
Anyone who bitches about doing the easier part of the job when they actually want no part of this job will never convince me they actually want equal treatment or equality.
It's not logical, is it?


48 posted on 12/18/2006 12:02:12 PM PST by oldenuff2no
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To: i_dont_chat
But I have observed that laywers talk more than everyone else.

I am a musician and I can tell you this. Musicians are inveterate gossips and tend to not ever shut up. They are the worse offenders in my universe. Some repeat the same anecdotes over and over again, to a point where it becomes very irritating. Sometimes, I need to walk away just to get some relief. With some, it's like an act you're not interested in watching.

49 posted on 12/18/2006 12:02:24 PM PST by Banjoguy (The words "Democrat" and democratic are not interchangable.)
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To: gorush

You forgot the rimshot.


50 posted on 12/18/2006 12:02:38 PM PST by garyhope (It's World War IV, right here, right now courtesy of Islam.)
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To: sageb1

You've had that happen too huh? Grrrrrr!


51 posted on 12/18/2006 12:03:09 PM PST by Irisshlass
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks
Unfortunately, I see the toilet seat issue as just another attempt by the feminazis to destroy the "gentleman". Women are supposed to be "insulted" when men open doors for them. Now we are expected to "not care" when men leave the toilet seat up.

I'm not falling for it. As a true lady, I expect men to act like gentlemen. I hold them to higher standards then today's feminists. I expect them to open and hold the door for me, to leave the toilet seat down and to do those little things that show he is being considerate of me.

In return, I treat him with dignity and respect. I allow him to be the "man" of the relationship and I don't try to curtail his masculinity.

52 posted on 12/18/2006 12:03:16 PM PST by The Blitherer ("I will prepare and some day my chance will come.")
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To: sageb1

I'll bet you've never sat on a rattlesake in the desert.


53 posted on 12/18/2006 12:04:21 PM PST by Old Professer (The critic writes with rapier pen, dips it twice, and writes again.)
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To: rightsmart

"My response has been to always put the lid and seat down. It takes the same amount of effort, it prevents stuff from accidentally falling in it, and it keeps the pets out of the bowl. My three sons and I always put the lids down."


Good for you! I just wrote about this. It's very practical.


"I wonder why the females in the house don't put the lids down when they are finished doint their business?"

I don't know. Did you ever explain the supreme practicality of this? As a female they should have more to lose down that toilet than you! I always put down covers.


54 posted on 12/18/2006 12:04:32 PM PST by the OlLine Rebel (Common sense is an uncommon virtue.)
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To: Old Professer

aw now that's an awful sH!^^y thing to do to one of GOd's creatures;-)!


55 posted on 12/18/2006 12:05:00 PM PST by camle (keep your mind open and somebody will fill it full of something for you)
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To: oldenuff2no

Shoot, I don't worry about the seat. I just pee in the sink.


56 posted on 12/18/2006 12:05:15 PM PST by AppyPappy (If you aren't part of the solution, there is good money to be made prolonging the problem.)
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To: garyhope
"I start trying to get off the phone 5 minutes before I usually can... "
The technique to do it is easy. Essentially, a loop recording of "Really? Well, I'm glad. Really? Well, I'm glad..." If done in proper tempo and with perfect monotony, it is guaranteed to speed-end it.
57 posted on 12/18/2006 12:05:32 PM PST by GSlob
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To: sageb1

Now if he'd just put it down when he was done, we wouldn't fall in the toilet in the middle of the night. ;)



You assume you'll be the next to use it. If not you'll get a nasty surprise!


58 posted on 12/18/2006 12:06:03 PM PST by SFC Chromey (We are at war with Islamofascists, now ACT LIKE IT!)
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To: garyhope

Men are handicapped. Lol! That about sums it all up right there! :P


59 posted on 12/18/2006 12:06:12 PM PST by derllak
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To: tongue-tied

you have the perfect screnname for the thread!

I'm divorced now, so I don't get bitched at for it anymore.


60 posted on 12/18/2006 12:06:12 PM PST by Fierce Allegiance (Iron my shirts, woman!)
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