Posted on 11/03/2006 8:19:41 PM PST by Flavius
Actor and martial artist Chuck Norris (L) and fellow actor Marshall Teague inspect a 155mm M-109 A6 Paladin howitzer that has Norris' name stencilled on the barrel during a stop on a USO-sponsored tour to boost morale of U.S. troops, at Camp Ar Ramadi in Iraq November 2, 2006. Norris and Teague met with thousands of service members, shaking hands, taking photos and signing autographs in a week-long tour of Iraq and Kuwait. Picture taken on November 2, 2006.
Top Nuck Chorris Facts
1. Nuck Chorris is faster than the speed of sound and quieter than the speed of light!
2. Nuck Chorris is 100% American, except the part that is Mr. Universe.
3. Nuck Chorris is all things to all people, and nothing to some.
4. When Nuck Chorris thinks of an abstract concept, it becomes concrete.
5. Nuck Chorris is a paradox wrapped inside an enigma wrapped inside a moldy seven layer burrito!
Go CHUCK !!! : )
My favorite is still: "When the boogey man goes to bed, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris".
His tears cure cancer.
Chuck Norris grinds the coffee beans with his teeth and boils the water with his rage.
Chuck Norris doesn't check under his bed for the boogieman because the boogieman is hiding in the closet because Karl Rove is under the bed.
He used to come into the tea house in Torrance California
he was a great guy bought us dinner one night cool guy
My favorite is - "There is no such thing as evolution, Chuck Norris decided which species can live or die."
Id rather knock a dura cell off his shoulder than vote for Pelosi
Oh, come on, there are better Chuck Norris 'facts' than those:
1. Chuck Norris's tears cure cancer, AIDS and ebola. Too bad Chuck Norris never cried, ever.
2. Chuck Norris *can* divide by zero.
3. Chuck Norris knows what it's like to be a bat. (a favorite among philosophy of mind types)
4. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be milliseconds from a roundhouse kick to the head.
5. Chuck Norris doesn't read books: he stares them down until they yield the information he wants.
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.
Chuck Norris lives by only one rule: No Asian Chicks.
The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesomeness for a single show, however, so it was divided.
Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wise men, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.
Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't !&$% with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.
To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.
Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
Chuck Norris frequently signs up for beginner karate classes, just so he can "accidentally" beat the $!@% out of little kids.
When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said, "Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."
Chuck Norris took my virginity, and he will sure as hell take yours. If you're thinking to yourself, "That's impossible, I already lost my virginity.", then you are dead wrong.
Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya".
When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.
Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
In one episode of Fresh Prince of Bel Air, Chuck Norris replaced Carlton for one scene and nobody noticed.
Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet, until Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked her into a glacier.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris punched a woman in the !@!@!@ when she didn't give him exact change.
Chuck Norris found out about Conan O'Brien's lever that shows clips from "Walker : Texas Ranger" and is working on a way to make it show clips of Norris having sex with Conan's wife.
Chuck Norris once tried to sue Burger King after they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper Jr., insisting that that actually is "his" way.
Chuck Norris has every copy of National Geographic in his basement. He also has the ability to lift every single one of them at once.
Chuck Norris once went to a frat party, and proceeded to roundhouse every popped collar in sight. He then drank three kegs and $!@% on their floor, just because he's Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris ruins the endings of Harry Potter books for children who just bought one for the hell of it. When they start crying Chuck Norris calmly says, "I'll give you something to cry about," and roundhouse kicks them in the face.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
Those aren't credits that roll after Walker Texas Ranger, it is actually a list of people that Chuck Norris round house kicked in the face that day.
If you unscramble the letters in "Chuck Norris" you get "Huck corn, sir." That is why every fall, Chuck travels to Nebraska and burns the entire state down.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
Oh God, Chuck Norris facts again!
Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light, not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but because the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris is not Lactose intolerant, he just doesn't put up with Lactose's shit.
Chuck Norris wasn't born. He tore his way from his mother's womb and shortly thereafter grew a beard.
DON'T F*** WITH CHUCK! :)
When Chuck Norris Donates blood he declines the needle and requests a gun and a bucket
If you have a dream about shooting Chuck Norris, you better wake up and apologize.
Thank God. I saw the article in the sidebar and thought I would be reading some Steven Seagal screed.
Someone onced screwed up Chuck Norris' name by calling him Nuck Chorris. The next day they were seen wearing a dress.
Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just not his own.
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