Posted on 11/01/2006 4:37:47 AM PST by SJackson
In light of the homosexual march planned for Jerusalem later in November, Arutz Sheva presents an article written by a consultant for the Jonah (Jews Offering New Alternatives to Homosexuality) organization.
It started simply enough. She was my friend.
Me, I was shy and very conservative. I was too shy for boys and didn't have any real close girlfriends. I wanted to have a special friend, one in whom I could confide my deepest darkest secrets.
I wasn't a tomboy or a geek. I wasn't ugly or fat or disgusting. I was just me. "Plain old Wonder White Bread," not very interesting, not very exciting. I dated a few guys, but never made that "love connection" like so many other girls that I knew had. I often wondered what was wrong with me, why didn't I feel like other girls? I certainly couldn't have approached my mother with such questions. And, I felt so odd, so different; I certainly couldn't ask any of my casual girlfriends.
When I entered college, I was full of hope and promise. This was the moment I had daydreamed about since the sixth grade. I was going to be just like my favorite teacher. How I admired her. Her makeup was always perfect and she drove the cutest little Mustang. As an adult now, I tried to emulate her, right down to the Mustang I drove.
I secured a full time job that accommodated my class schedule. It was easy, relatively speaking, but the best part of the job was my social interaction: I had found a friend. She was so understanding, attractive and outgoing: everything that I was not. She was tall, and her manner and dress were well-polished. She was the epitome of class, I revered her and she could do nothing wrong.
When I was in the office, we often spent our breaks together. Sometimes she paid, sometimes I paid; as friends, we didn't need to keep track. She was interested in me; it was so easy to talk to her. It seemed as though she understood everything about me. All of a sudden, I didn't feel so different anymore. I felt accepted and understood. My life was changing, although not for the better. I was too wrapped up in the ecstasy of finally belonging and finally being understood that I couldn't see it.
Then one Friday, she suggested that we go to dinner and a movie, I was so excited that she wanted to be my friend outside of work that I could hardly contain myself. Even though I put in really long hours that week, I looked forward to going out on Saturday night, exhausted, but energized.
She had made all the arrangements. We went to a marvelous movie and even if it weren't, I don't think I would have thought otherwise. I was giddy with glee at actually going out with a friend. I was wanted, I was accepted, and I was understood! Finally!
She had chosen quite an expensive restaurant for dinner. Awash in candlelight and expensive food, we had a wonderful dinner, fantastic and interesting conversation and even splurged on souffle for dessert.
We had just finished dessert. When I reached for my wallet to pay my share, she put her hand on mine and told me that she would take care of it. While grateful for her generosity, there was something about the look on her face, gentle touch and tone of her voice that just wasn't right. A small alarm went off in my head, but was quickly quieted by the rationalization that as friends, we really didn't keep track and besides, she did choose the place and she did make a lot more money than me.
Basking in the glow of a wonderful evening, my mind barely registered what she was saying to me. She started out by telling me what a wonderful friend I was and how grateful she was that I was a part of her life. She told me that she had never felt such a connection to another woman before, and I was just such an interesting person and so much fun to be around. She then told me that she loved me. This being the 70's, where everybody was telling everybody that they loved them, I responded that I loved her too! After all, she was my best friend and confidant.
And then it happened. She took my hand in hers and looked into my eyes and told me that she knew I felt that way about her, too. It wasn't registering in my brain quite yet, but as she continued talking, my mind began to swirl. I started to lose my breath, and the room began to spin out of control. The words became disjointed, she mentioned dating, love, ecstasy, and the wonderful life we were to share. I needed air! And I needed it fast! I fled the table, but she found me. She was confused about my actions. Didn't I say I loved her too? Wasn't she my type? She thought I was a lesbian! How could she possibly think that? What on earth was she talking about? She tried to persuade me that I was a lesbian by taking everything I had confided in her and turning it around.
First, she talked about how I felt different. Then, she took my admiration of my sixth grade teacher and told me it was sexual attraction. Then, she used my lack of dating and not being sexually active with men to mean that I was not sexually attracted to men. She told me that being a lesbian was natural. And she used what I thought was a great friendship with her to say that I was really in love with her. Then she told me that if we became lovers a whole new world of excitement and sexual fulfillment would open up that I would never otherwise know. I asked her to take me home and told her I'd call her later.
I was dazed and confused. I tried to sleep, but couldn't. I didn't want to think, yet my mind was racing. Maybe she was right, some of the things she said did make sense. Maybe if I gave over to her desires, I would be fulfilled. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad and after I had tried it, if I didn't like it, I could just stop. If I did try it, then maybe it wouldn't repulse me anymore. I fell asleep on the couch.
It seemed that I was not asleep for so long. But when I woke, it was still dark. In reality, it wasn't "still" dark, it was dark "again." I had slept the day away. Fixing myself a snack, I sat down at my desk to work but I found myself unable to concentrate on anything other than the previous night.
I listed on a piece of paper everything she had said that indicated that I was a lesbian. The first thing she said was that I felt different. Yes, I had always felt different. But what did that have to do with sex? Wasn't feeling different a normal feeling? Being different had nothing to do with sexuality. The next thing she said was that I admired my sixth grade teacher because I was sexually attracted to her. Then I thought about what it was that I admired in her. In reality, I admired in her what I myself did not possess.
Thinking about others I admired, I found it was for the same reason, for they all, male and female, had qualities that I wished I had. Then she talked about my lack of dating. I had dated some boys, but it wasn't that I wasn't sexually attracted to boys, it was that I wasn't ready for a sexual relationship. I was still under 20, I was in school, I was working, I didn't have the time, much less the energy for a relationship serious enough to warrant sex.
It finally dawned on me that I was not a lesbian. The lack of close friendships with members of my own sex was my own fault. I didn't allow myself to become a good, close friend. The things I felt and my lack of a sexual relationship with boys were entirely normal. Rather, those who focused their youthful lives on such sex were the abnormal ones, especially since my faith taught that any form of pre-marital sex was wrong.
The fact that I didn't date much was my own fault. I didn't make the time to date. Any free time I had, I used on me. And, who on this planet has the right to take a position that the lack of sexual involvement with a man meant I was a lesbian?! After all, no two people develop in the exact same way in the exact same time, not even twins! So my slow development was not caused by my sexuality, it was caused by me.
And then, the reality hit me, and made me sick. This woman, who I considered my friend, had taken everything I had told her and twisted it to meet her personal agenda. Not only did I feel betrayed by that duplicity, but I also recognized that she had used the same techniques on me that cults used to recruit new members.
She preyed on a shy, lonely, impressionable young woman. She took me into her confidence. She took my deepest secrets that I had shared with her and used them to meet her own agenda, all the while preaching unconditional love. She preached that I would find love, acceptance and satisfaction in her lifestyle. I also hadn't realized it, but she had been methodically separating me from the other workers in our office. She was cutting me off from the others who would or could have voiced their opinion had I asked. She attempted to make me emotionally dependent upon her.
The reality was that I was not a lesbian. I was just me. I quit that job immediately and changed my phone number. Two years later, I met the man of my dreams and was married shortly thereafter. I'm 30 years older now and looking back, I can see what could have happened to my life had I believed the messages she and the society around me were giving to me.
I am now active in homosexual crisis counseling. I see, over and over again, the fraud of the homosexual community. I see young and old, men and women, many of whom are religiously observant, all conflicted in their homosexual lifestyle. I feel their pain and heartbreak at being torn between the only world they know and the world they know that G-d has planned for them. I see time and time again how much they struggle to leave their homosexual lifestyle, only to have their lover use their family and faith against them.
But, I tell my clients, "You have a choice." I came to a fork in the road and fortunately chose the path that has given me a completion and a happiness that is truly consistent with G-d's plan of creation. Based upon my experience, it is clear you do not have to be a homosexual. You were not born a homosexual nor do you need to live as a homosexual and, certainly, do not need to die a homosexual. Through faith, prayer, and the help provided by organizations like JONAH, there is hope and life.
I dated a girl from Mt. Holyoke, and there's no doubt in my mind that this happens ALL the time in girls' schools.
Oh I see, It is everyone else's fault.
How condescending of you!
I have been around hundreds of "sexually confused" persons. They cannot but help to make sexual comments. By their own sexual definition of themselves they confirm it.
That may be true...but the most visible gays break this rule. I personally know a man who, by his own report, had sex with over 1500 gay partners in three years, and he was by no means unusual in his peer group.
I don't think it's a mischaracterization to say that many gays have had more p----es in them than a Texaco urinal.
Good God. Did you even read the article?
sausageseller: Their life is self defined by their sexual actions. All the homosexuals, bis and lesbians I have been around were nothing but sexually aggressive.50sDad: every one of them (each from broken homes with an emotionally absent or overly authoritarian father) the Lifestyle became everything. Given time, it was all they talked about, all they spent their free time on, all they were
That’s certainly true for a large number, how large I don’t know, only anecdotally I don’t think it’s true for all. If a government official is reading, no, you don’t need to do a study.
The public “gay community”, that functions to a large extent on aggressive sexuality.
I just threw up a little in my mouth.
Ready4Freddy: Perhaps she's saying that that was her image of lesbians at the time."L98Fiero: She was saying she didn't date much as a teen but it wasn't because of the things she listed, like other girls she must have known who didn't date much as teens.
chaos_5: So she is saying that any girl who fits the above description cant get a guy, and therefor becomes a lesbian. Sorry, lost all credibility right there.
Fredhead: I went through much of the same things as this woman, loneliness, no dates, being ostrasized by my peers, but it wasn't homosexuality to which I turned, it was drugs, specifically marijuana.
fredhead: I went through much of the same things as this woman, loneliness, no dates, being ostrasized by my peers, but it wasn't homosexuality to which I turned, it was drugs, specifically marijuana.
She wasn’t relating lesbianism with I can’t get a guy, she was describing her emotional condition at the time.
Young, shy, lonely, low self esteem (plain white bread, not exciting, not interesting), engaging in new, likely disorienting, experiences, college and a full time job, likely new physical surroundings. She was a perfect target for an aggressor. Who could have been a hetereosexual, a drug dealer or a cult. Turned out a lesbian hit on her, that’s all.
That certainly plays a large role, it provides a stable system of values to rely on, which may have been a factor in her rejection of the offer, I don't know. Bear in mind the author works for an organization offering counceling Jews with sexual issues, JONAH, so it's not an end all.
This author's "friend" was a sexual predator...pure and simple.
Not a great article to read on your first cup of coffee. Yuk. But, it does have a good ending.
I don't necessarily accept her conclusion that homsexuality (sic) is necessarily a sexually aggressive cult,
"aggressive..." perhaps debatable in certain quarters...
In the gay strongholds of the US -- SFO, ATL, NYC...etc...etc.. there are indeed "aggressive"!
Everywhere else you might be able to at least redefine "out-of-the-closet" as "self-affirmed"...
This is how they recruit... reference your posted article...
IMHO... this is how they "reproduce"...
As the Divine order of Genesis 1 & 2 had been clearly violated....
(Each species of plant and animal life has a God-given ability to reproduce--after their kind... and God's mandate to "Be fruitful and multiply"
Perhaps additional food for thought....
Thanks again for your post!
There's also a whole lot of "gifted and talented" who are adulterers; and does it only seem like that's especially prominent in the arts and literature community? As a young woman, novelist Flannery O'Connor was invited to join a famous writers' colony at Yaddo, NY in the late 1940's, and wrote about her disillusionment that everybody seemed to be on the make for everybody else's spouse.
So what?
Socially confused, emotionally manipulative, and even outright sexually swinish behavior is neither a cause or a result of creative giftedness.
People suffer, and make other suffer, in various intricate ways from their misdirected appetites. They wound and are wounded, they use and are used. All in all, it's a disappointment.
The author of this article made the decision, evidently, to trust God and do the right thing: to be chaste as a single, and faithful as a wife. I thinkl God will bless her with the lifelong love and intimacy and trust her heart was yearning for.
She's nmo longer in this damned school, I hope?
So, essentially, she behaved like a vampire.
Very much like a vampire! Completely oblivious (by choice) to any damage she might be causing.
That guy needs professional help.
As a teen, I was both uncomfortable and nervous around people of the opposite sex, particularly ones close to me in age. However, my discomfort was by no means due to latent queerness; rather, it sprang from an ongoing (and sometimes nearly futile) effort to control my desire to embrace the nearest young lovely, along with a profound lack of certainty that I was adequately concealing my, um, distracted state.
It's a difficult way to spend one's adolescence.
I agree -- she had the sense and self-awareness to THINK about what was happening rather than act on feelings.
A lot of responses on this thread irritated me, especially when slamming the author. Believe it or not, there are women who DON'T think with their hearts, and many of them are here on FR (as evidenced by the Personality Typing done here a while back). INTJ women like myself can often see what acting stupid will get us down the road, and this lady sounds like one of them. We're often described as "loners," "anti-social" (a badge of honor, thankyouverymuch!), "aloof," "snobby," "shy," and so on. Honestly, it gets tedious and makes the name-callers sound more and more stupid. My sister -- a woman who values her position in her community and won't touch a hair if it would affect her image -- is as shallow as a pond in the Gobi. Her interests revolve around shoes, shopping, People magazine and Toby Keith. Give me astronomy and Discovery Channel any day.
Those of you bashing this woman, get a grip. If there were more like her, society wouldn't be in such a shameful mess with it's "if it feels good, do it" mentality.
Especially when "feeling good" can lead to a divorce, humiliation and AIDS later.
You should be worried about your own credibility: the article says nothing of the sort.
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