How I Almost Became a Lesbian

In light of the homosexual march planned for Jerusalem later in November, Arutz Sheva presents an article written by a consultant for the Jonah (Jews Offering New Alternatives to Homosexuality) organization.

Me, I was shy and very conservative. I was too shy for boys and didn't have any real close girlfriends. I wanted to have a special friend, one in whom I could confide my deepest darkest secrets.

I wasn't a tomboy or a geek. I wasn't ugly or fat or disgusting. I was just me. "Plain old Wonder White Bread," not very interesting, not very exciting. I dated a few guys, but never made that "love connection" like so many other girls that I knew had. I often wondered what was wrong with me, why didn't I feel like other girls? I certainly couldn't have approached my mother with such questions. And, I felt so odd, so different; I certainly couldn't ask any of my casual girlfriends.

When I entered college, I was full of hope and promise. This was the moment I had daydreamed about since the sixth grade. I was going to be just like my favorite teacher. How I admired her. Her makeup was always perfect and she drove the cutest little Mustang. As an adult now, I tried to emulate her, right down to the Mustang I drove.

I secured a full time job that accommodated my class schedule. It was easy, relatively speaking, but the best part of the job was my social interaction: I had found a friend. She was so understanding, attractive and outgoing: everything that I was not. She was tall, and her manner and dress were well-polished. She was the epitome of class, I revered her and she could do nothing wrong.

When I was in the office, we often spent our breaks together. Sometimes she paid, sometimes I paid; as friends, we didn't need to keep track. She was interested in me; it was so easy to talk to her. It seemed as though she understood everything about me. All of a sudden, I didn't feel so different anymore. I felt accepted and understood. My life was changing, although not for the better. I was too wrapped up in the ecstasy of finally belonging and finally being understood that I couldn't see it.

Then one Friday, she suggested that we go to dinner and a movie, I was so excited that she wanted to be my friend outside of work that I could hardly contain myself. Even though I put in really long hours that week, I looked forward to going out on Saturday night, exhausted, but energized.

She had made all the arrangements. We went to a marvelous movie and even if it weren't, I don't think I would have thought otherwise. I was giddy with glee at actually going out with a friend. I was wanted, I was accepted, and I was understood! Finally!

She had chosen quite an expensive restaurant for dinner. Awash in candlelight and expensive food, we had a wonderful dinner, fantastic and interesting conversation and even splurged on souffle for dessert.

We had just finished dessert. When I reached for my wallet to pay my share, she put her hand on mine and told me that she would take care of it. While grateful for her generosity, there was something about the look on her face, gentle touch and tone of her voice that just wasn't right. A small alarm went off in my head, but was quickly quieted by the rationalization that as friends, we really didn't keep track and besides, she did choose the place and she did make a lot more money than me.

Basking in the glow of a wonderful evening, my mind barely registered what she was saying to me. She started out by telling me what a wonderful friend I was and how grateful she was that I was a part of her life. She told me that she had never felt such a connection to another woman before, and I was just such an interesting person and so much fun to be around. She then told me that she loved me. This being the 70's, where everybody was telling everybody that they loved them, I responded that I loved her too! After all, she was my best friend and confidant.

And then it happened. She took my hand in hers and looked into my eyes and told me that she knew I felt that way about her, too. It wasn't registering in my brain quite yet, but as she continued talking, my mind began to swirl. I started to lose my breath, and the room began to spin out of control. The words became disjointed, she mentioned dating, love, ecstasy, and the wonderful life we were to share. I needed air! And I needed it fast! I fled the table, but she found me. She was confused about my actions. Didn't I say I loved her too? Wasn't she my type? She thought I was a lesbian! How could she possibly think that? What on earth was she talking about? She tried to persuade me that I was a lesbian by taking everything I had confided in her and turning it around.

First, she talked about how I felt different. Then, she took my admiration of my sixth grade teacher and told me it was sexual attraction. Then, she used my lack of dating and not being sexually active with men to mean that I was not sexually attracted to men. She told me that being a lesbian was natural. And she used what I thought was a great friendship with her to say that I was really in love with her. Then she told me that if we became lovers a whole new world of excitement and sexual fulfillment would open up that I would never otherwise know. I asked her to take me home and told her I'd call her later.

I was dazed and confused. I tried to sleep, but couldn't. I didn't want to think, yet my mind was racing. Maybe she was right, some of the things she said did make sense. Maybe if I gave over to her desires, I would be fulfilled. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad and after I had tried it, if I didn't like it, I could just stop. If I did try it, then maybe it wouldn't repulse me anymore. I fell asleep on the couch.

It seemed that I was not asleep for so long. But when I woke, it was still dark. In reality, it wasn't "still" dark, it was dark "again." I had slept the day away. Fixing myself a snack, I sat down at my desk to work but I found myself unable to concentrate on anything other than the previous night.

I listed on a piece of paper everything she had said that indicated that I was a lesbian. The first thing she said was that I felt different. Yes, I had always felt different. But what did that have to do with sex? Wasn't feeling different a normal feeling? Being different had nothing to do with sexuality. The next thing she said was that I admired my sixth grade teacher because I was sexually attracted to her. Then I thought about what it was that I admired in her. In reality, I admired in her what I myself did not possess.

Thinking about others I admired, I found it was for the same reason, for they all, male and female, had qualities that I wished I had. Then she talked about my lack of dating. I had dated some boys, but it wasn't that I wasn't sexually attracted to boys, it was that I wasn't ready for a sexual relationship. I was still under 20, I was in school, I was working, I didn't have the time, much less the energy for a relationship serious enough to warrant sex.

It finally dawned on me that I was not a lesbian. The lack of close friendships with members of my own sex was my own fault. I didn't allow myself to become a good, close friend. The things I felt and my lack of a sexual relationship with boys were entirely normal. Rather, those who focused their youthful lives on such sex were the abnormal ones, especially since my faith taught that any form of pre-marital sex was wrong.

The fact that I didn't date much was my own fault. I didn't make the time to date. Any free time I had, I used on me. And, who on this planet has the right to take a position that the lack of sexual involvement with a man meant I was a lesbian?! After all, no two people develop in the exact same way in the exact same time, not even twins! So my slow development was not caused by my sexuality, it was caused by me.

And then, the reality hit me, and made me sick. This woman, who I considered my friend, had taken everything I had told her and twisted it to meet her personal agenda. Not only did I feel betrayed by that duplicity, but I also recognized that she had used the same techniques on me that cults used to recruit new members.

She preyed on a shy, lonely, impressionable young woman. She took me into her confidence. She took my deepest secrets that I had shared with her and used them to meet her own agenda, all the while preaching unconditional love. She preached that I would find love, acceptance and satisfaction in her lifestyle. I also hadn't realized it, but she had been methodically separating me from the other workers in our office. She was cutting me off from the others who would or could have voiced their opinion had I asked. She attempted to make me emotionally dependent upon her.

The reality was that I was not a lesbian. I was just me. I quit that job immediately and changed my phone number. Two years later, I met the man of my dreams and was married shortly thereafter. I'm 30 years older now and looking back, I can see what could have happened to my life had I believed the messages she and the society around me were giving to me.

I am now active in homosexual crisis counseling. I see, over and over again, the fraud of the homosexual community. I see young and old, men and women, many of whom are religiously observant, all conflicted in their homosexual lifestyle. I feel their pain and heartbreak at being torn between the only world they know and the world they know that G-d has planned for them. I see time and time again how much they struggle to leave their homosexual lifestyle, only to have their lover use their family and faith against them.

But, I tell my clients, "You have a choice." I came to a fork in the road and fortunately chose the path that has given me a completion and a happiness that is truly consistent with G-d's plan of creation. Based upon my experience, it is clear you do not have to be a homosexual. You were not born a homosexual nor do you need to live as a homosexual and, certainly, do not need to die a homosexual. Through faith, prayer, and the help provided by organizations like JONAH, there is hope and life.

I was too shy for boys

As stated in a mandatory assembly in my daughter's Jr Hi,

If you feel uncomfortable or nervous around people of the opposite sex, you are probably gay. What you should do is have a couple gay experiences and a couple straight experiences and then see which fits you better. If you don't know anyone to do it with, I'll be happy to do it with you.

Perhaps she's saying that that was her image of lesbians at the time. Remember, this was before ponytails & baseball caps & Melissa Etheridge. ;>)

So she is saying that any girl who fits the above description cant get a guy, and therefor becomes a lesbian.

"Perhaps she's saying that that was her image of lesbians at the time."

She was saying she didn't date much as a teen but it wasn't because of the things she listed, like other girls she must have known who didn't date much as teens.

I went through much of the same things as this woman, loneliness, no dates, being ostrasized by my peers, but it wasn't homosexuality to which I turned, it was drugs, specifically marijuana.

My "friends" in high school said that I would be more accepted if I smoked. So I did. I don't know if I was more accepted, but when stoned, I just didn't care. Oh, I got more friends, at least when I had pot to share. But I didn't get dates, and life just got worse.

Things didn't get better until I stopped using pot to escape, a move that was spurred by getting caught while in the Navy. Counseling and support from the command, and a fear of losing everything (they did give you one chance back then) got me clean. Then I found my was back to God.

I now have a lovely wife and a beautiful daughter. However, I do think about the years I wasted (I was 31 when I married) lost in the fog of pot smoke.

Yes, I think she is mistaking seduction - probably due to anger of feeling treated like meat in a store. That has no sex-preference boundaries.

Heather has Two Mommies, The Two Kings, etc....now there's an agenda and cult.

I don't necessarily accept her conclusion that homsexuality is necessarily a sexually aggressive cult,

Their life is self defined by their sexual actions. All the homosexuals, bis and lesbians I have been around were nothing but sexually aggressive.

I have known about a dozen homosexual men in my life, most of them friends from school who went over to play for the other team. And for every one of them (each from broken homes with an emotionally absent or overly authoritarian father) the Lifestyle became everything. Given time, it was all they talked about, all they spent their free time on, all they were. If a straight man viewed EVERYTHING in his life though the lens of nailing a woman, we would say he was compulsive and obsessed. Sadly, the forces of political correctness have so permeated that even to mention that "hey, that's pretty strange" is more forbidden than it once was to mention it at all.

Again, once it was "the love that dare not mention its name." Now it's "the love that won't shut the hell up."

Likely because the sexually aggressive ones are the only ones that you realize are homosexual. I am not on a crusade of any sort as far as sexuality. I am 100% straight, but there are two homosexual couples with whom I have become reasonably close friends. None of them have ever shown any sort of sexually agressive behaviour. I've only been approached by a man one time, that was in college, and I just said "No, thanks."

Folks need to be less uptight about this stuff. If being approached by a homosexual or lesbian is going to scar you for life, you are a little too fragile for this world.

I have been involved in theater for nearly thirty years and yes, I have had many close friends who are homosexual, both male and female. I have also had friends who cheat on their wives, do illegal drugs and drive drunk. In each case I "love the sinner" while hating the sin. Homosexuality is sin. And like almost all sin, it is bad for you in a variety of ways.

In the June 2000 issue of Glamour (IIRC) an agony aunt letter appeared. The writer was a heterosexual young woman whose best friend was a lesbian. Although the two had been good friends for years, suddenly the lesbian began propositioning the straight woman, who wanted advice on how to handle this (why she needed advice on how to say no is beyond me). The Agony Aunt's advice? To question her own sexuality, because gay people are sooooo sensitive to rejection that they never, EVER come on to people who aren't sending out receptive vibes.

That was neither the first nor the last time I read that BS.

I wonder how many gay people are out there who've convinced themselves of this : That anyone to whom they're attracted MUST be gay or at least 'bicurious', or they wouldn't be feeling attraction, because gays are soooo sensitive to rejection that they never, ever, etc etc.

I suspect that you have known a lot more than a dozen homosexuals. As I noted to SJackson, the obsessive ones are likely the only ones that you realize are homosexual. For normal people, gay or straight, sex is about 3% of life. There are of course freaks. BJ Clinton comes to mind.

...Once it was "the love that dare not mention its name." Now it's "the love that won't shut the hell up."

Dang. That's a tagline in search of a home!

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