Posted on 10/23/2006 12:22:21 AM PDT by goldstategop
Have you heard of the "Chuck Norris Facts"?
There are more than 50,000 jokes making their way around the Internet that purport to be "facts" all playing off my movie roles as a "tough guy" and my history as a martial arts champion. But they aren't "jokes" to those who spread them – they're "facts."
Here are a few of my favorites:
"When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris."
"Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants."
"Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris." These "facts" have become a phenomenon – a fad spread mainly by young people of high school and college age. It's hard to explain why these things happen – how they take on a life of their own.
Naturally, over the past couple years as this wildfire has been raging, people have asked me, "What do you think of all this?"
My answer is always the same: Some are funny. Some are pretty far out. And, thankfully, most are just promoting harmless fun. (But be careful if you go searching for "Chuck Norris Facts" on the Internet, because some are just not appropriate for kids.)
Being more a student of the Wild West than the wild world of the Internet, I'm not quite sure what to make of the craze of "Chuck Norris Facts." It's quite surprising. I do know that boys will be boys, and I neither take offense nor take these things too seriously. I'm so grateful for my fans. Who knows, maybe these one liners will prompt some one to seek out the real facts about me and the beliefs that have shaped my life and my career.
While I have as much fun as anyone else reading and quoting them, let's face it, most "Chuck Norris Facts" describe someone with supernatural, superhuman powers. They're describing a superman character. And in the history of this planet, there has only been one real Superman. It's not me.
Let me illustrate using a few of the claims being made about me in the various lists of "Chuck Norris Facts":
Alleged Chuck Norris Fact: "Faster than a speeding bullet ... more powerful than a locomotive ... able to leap tall buildings in a single bound... yes, these are some of Chuck Norris' warm-up exercises."
I've got a bulletin for you, folks. I am no superman. I realize that now, but I didn't always. As six-time world karate champion and then a movie star, I put too much trust in who I was, what I could do and what I acquired. I forgot how much I needed others and especially God. Whether we are famous or not, we all need God. We also need other people.
If your whole life is spent trying to make money and you neglect the people important in your life, you will create an emptiness deep in your heart and soul. I know. I fell into that trap. I dedicated my whole life to fame and fortune. I had a huge hole in my heart and was miserable until I met my wife, Gena, who brought me back to the Lord.
Alleged Chuck Norris Fact: "There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live." It's funny. It's cute. But here's what I really think about the theory of evolution: It's not real. It is not the way we got here. In fact, the life you see on this planet is really just a list of creatures God has allowed to live. We are not creations of random chance. We are not accidents. There is a God, a Creator, who made you and me. We were made in His image, which separates us from all other creatures.
By the way, without him, I don't have any power. But with Him, the Bible tells me, I really can do all things – and so can you.
Alleged Chuck Norris Fact: "Chuck Norris' tears can cure cancer. Too bad he never cries. Ever."
There was a man whose tears could cure cancer or any other disease, including the real cause of all diseases – sin. His blood did. His name was Jesus, not Chuck Norris.
If your soul needs healing, the prescription you need is not Chuck Norris' tears, it's Jesus' blood.
Again, I'm flattered and amazed by the way I've become a fascinating public figure for a whole new generation of young people around the world. But I am not the characters I play. And even the toughest characters I have played could never measure up to the real power in this universe.
"Show me just what Mohammed brought that was new, and there you will find things only evil and inhuman, such as his command to spread by the sword the faith he preached." -Manuel II Paleologus
Heh. When's the next nursing home tournament?
http://www.fortunecity.com/lavender/thundercrack/698/sounds/wtrtheme.wav
"Show me just what Mohammed brought that was new, and there you will find things only evil and inhuman, such as his command to spread by the sword the faith he preached." -Manuel II Paleologus
Ping!
Behind Chuck Norris' beard isn't a chin, it's another fist.
Excellent!
"Show me just what Mohammed brought that was new, and there you will find things only evil and inhuman, such as his command to spread by the sword the faith he preached." -Manuel II Paleologus
This thread posted by goldstategop is better than the other one because it gets right to Chuck's column and focuses less on the jokes. I think Chuck Norris has a lot of valuable insight to impart, and I am looking forward to a lot more from him.
This first one is excellent. Thanks for posting it.
"Show me just what Mohammed brought that was new, and there you will find things only evil and inhuman, such as his command to spread by the sword the faith he preached." -Manuel II Paleologus
My young son and I still watch Walker every chance we get. Lately it's been on the Hallmark channel (cable). My older son was trained (casually, for a couple of years) in martial arts by a man named George Graham who himself (rumor had it) once trained with Chuck Norris.
I don't know where Kevin Bacon fits into that, but there you go!
TBN shows commercials throughout the day with Norris and his wife, promoting the Bible in school. But prior to seeing those announcements, I did not know that he was a Christian.
"Show me just what Mohammed brought that was new, and there you will find things only evil and inhuman, such as his command to spread by the sword the faith he preached." -Manuel II Paleologus
Super Standup Guy bump!!!
I had no idea that Chuck Norris was a conservative!
Too bad Clint Eastwood is no longer one (and his movies have suffered for it, jmho).
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