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Mark Steyn: At Gitmo, detainees get La-Z-Boys, pastries
Chicago Sun-Times ^ | October 1 2006 | Mark Steyn

Posted on 10/01/2006 4:51:35 AM PDT by knighthawk

'This is not just a bad bill," said Sen. Patrick Leahy, ranking Democrat on the Judiciary Committee. ''This is truly a dangerous bill." And it's not just a dangerous bill. It's also "unconstitutional" and "unconscionable" and represents the loss of the nation's "moral compass." Wow! That's quite a lot for a humble bill on military trials for terrorist (OK, "alleged terrorist") detainees. But Vermont's lefty colossus wasn't done yet in his excoriation of the Bush administration. "Even they cannot dismiss the practices at Guantanamo as the actions of a few bad people," he continued. "Before they just did it quietly, and against the law, on their own say-so, but now they are obtaining license to engage in additional harsh techniques that the rest of the world will see as abusive, as cruel, as degrading and even as torture."

Hmm. I should say a word about "the practices at Guantanamo." As it happens, I've just got back from Gitmo. (That glitch on my green card was finally straightened out.) I've visited several prisons in several countries over the years and never seen anything like this one. Granted, most of what I know about enemy detainee camps comes from what Rear Adm. Harry Harris, who runs Guantanamo, calls "bad movies and worse TV shows," and from a distance very little seems to have changed: the basic look -- barbed wire and watch towers -- would be recognizable to any World War II POWs. But, close up, pretty much everything else has been flushed down the toilet of history. Indeed, even the toilet has been flushed down the toilet of history: In the interests of cultural sensitivity, Gitmo cells were fitted with "Asian-style toilets," because "that's what the detainees prefer." Given that much of the matter that should be going down there ends up being flung over the guards, it seems that this sensitivity over choice of bathroom fixtures is not always appreciated. When visitors like yours truly swing by, the camp likes to serve them the same meal the prisoners get. This being Ramadan, Adm. Harris was particularly proud of the fresh-baked traditional pastries his team had made for the holy month. And he was right: The baklava was delicious. "Baklava" is said by some linguists to come from the Arabic for "nuts" -- and, indeed, in that sense this entire war can sometimes seem like one giant baklava. There was a film out earlier this year called ''The Road To Guantanamo,'' and the poster showed the usual emaciated prisoner hung by shackles against a dungeon wall. No doubt the actor in question did the full Robert De Niro and lost 40 pounds to get himself looking that cadaverous.

If they've got anything like that going on at the real Gitmo, they must be doing it behind the confectioner's sugar at the back of the pastry chef's cupboard. If you're hoping to hear about the old wooden chair under a bare lightbulb swinging on its cord, here's the reality: The detaineeare interrogated on either a La-Z-Boy recliner or a luxuriously upholstered sofa -- blue plush with gold piping.

As for being emaciated, it's the only death camp in history where the soi-disant torture victims put on weight. In contrast to the undernourished thesp in the movie version, the average gain at Gitmo is 18 pounds. The Afghan detainees were the chunkiest Afghans I've ever seen. If they ever make it home, their old comrades -- the lean wiry warriors of the Hindu Kush -- will wonder why a party of Florida retirees has suddenly shown up. These Pushtuns are pushing a ton.

And, if you do start losing weight suddenly, don't worry. As one of the camp's medical staff explained, they offer free colon-cancer testing for jihadis over 50. If President Hillary decides to have another crack at socialized medicine in 2009, there are worse slogans than "Every American should have the right to the same health-care plan as a Sudanese terrorist who put his arm out stabbing a prison guard."

Perhaps this is what Senator Leahy means by "abusive," "cruel," "degrading" "torture." If you're used to the Afghan health system, no doubt it's profoundly humiliating to be offered free colonoscopies every time you bend down to use the prayer mat. Nevertheless, it surely requires a perverse genius to have made the first terrorist detention camp to offer homemade Ramadan pastries a byword for horror and brutality. If I had to summon up Gitmo in a single image, it would be the brand-new Qurans in each unoccupied cell. To reassure incoming inmates that the filthy infidels haven't touched the sacred book with their unclean hands, the Qurans are hung from the walls in pristine surgical masks. It's one thing for Muslims to regard infidels as unclean, but it's hard to see why it's in the interests of the United States government to string along with it and thereby validate their bigotry.

When I put this point to Adm. Harris, he replied, "That's an interesting question," and said the decision had been made long before he arrived. He explained that they had a good working system whereby whenever it became necessary to handle a Quran -- because a weapon or illicit communication had been concealed in it -- a Muslim translator would be called to the cell to perform the task. But I wasn't thinking of it in operational so much as psychological terms: What does that degree of abasement before their prejudices tell them about us? Mulling it over since I got back, I'd go further: It seems to me that one sign this war is over is when Muslims are grown-up enough not to go to full-blown baklava nuts over other folks touching their Qurans.

Of course, for the likes of Sen. Leahy, not only is the war far from over, it hasn't even begun. Almost every argument in this area isn't "about" the war so much as whether there even is a war. As the Washington Post reported, "The Senate joined the House in embracing President Bush's view that the battle against terrorism justifies the imposition of extraordinary limits on defendants' traditional rights in the courtroom."

Well, they're only "extraordinary" if you regard these men as traditional "defendants." If you regard them as traditional wartime detainees -- rather than OJs in turbans -- the only "extraordinary" aspect of this is the kid gloves with which not just their Qurans but the jihadists themselves are handled. This is the only war in American history in which enemy detainees have been freed before the end of hostilities. Of those released, at least 22 are known to have returned to the battlefield in Afghanistan, Pakistan and elsewhere. The ones who remain are dangerous men, no matter how "sensitive" you are. They unscrewed the foot pads from those Asian-style toilets and used them as bludgeons to attack the guards. After listening to Pat Leahy's contribution to the debate, I wonder if the Gitmo medical facility's lavish team of mental health experts might not be more usefully deployed to the U.S. Senate.


TOPICS: Editorial; News/Current Events
KEYWORDS: gitmo; marksteyn; steyn
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To: goldstategop
Yep.

The only thing we as troops have to look forward too in the unlikely event that we are captured by A@@holes of this ilk is a quick death.

More likely the case is that they will amputate digits/limbs, gouge out eyes, cut off ears and THEN, only after a sufficient amount of pain and suffering has been inflicted on us will they then either cut off our head, or rip out our heart.

It makes me want to puke when I hear the likes of the left likening our interrogation techniques to torture.

Have them spend a week at GTMO and then a week like a captured US Soldier/Marine.
21 posted on 10/01/2006 6:43:53 AM PDT by roaddog727 (Bullsh## doesn't get bridges built.)
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To: Dog
There really is a comfy chair..

I was channel surfing a few weeks ago and saw a program about Gitmo, hosted by Ted Koppel. Ted was at Gitmo, they showed the chair.

22 posted on 10/01/2006 6:53:24 AM PDT by csvset (Show me just what Mohammed brought that was new, and there you will find things only evil & inhumane)
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To: knighthawk; Howlin; riley1992; Miss Marple; deport; Dane; sinkspur; steve; kattracks; JohnHuang2; ..

Steyn ping!


23 posted on 10/01/2006 9:11:47 AM PDT by Pokey78 (‘FREE [INSERT YOUR FETID TOTALITARIAN BASKET-CASE HERE]’)
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To: Pokey78
"Every American should have the right to the same health-care plan as a Sudanese terrorist who put his arm out stabbing a prison guard." ----

LOL

24 posted on 10/01/2006 9:18:48 AM PDT by beyond the sea ( The Shadow of Your Smile --- Anthony Dominick Benedetto)
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To: knighthawk
"This is the only war in American history in which enemy detainees have been freed before the end of hostilities."


What the clowns in D.C. have failed to realize is that since Muslim terrorists are not signatories to the Geneva Convention; they are NOT afforded the protections under the Geneva Convention. And since the terrorists are not AMERICAN CITIZENS either; they do not even have the rights of AMERICAN CITIZENS! The Muslim terrorists are WAR CRIMINALS.

And while we are on the subject of the incarcerated.
It is a sad day for America when America's enemies are treated better than United States Marines who were incarcerated, shackled and interrogated for MONTHS without being charged.
Finally, water-boarding is not torture. And if a prisoner would reveal planned attacks that would save lives by using water-boarding; then America would be negligent to not use it.

Semper Fi,
Kelly
25 posted on 10/01/2006 9:40:12 AM PDT by kellynla (Freedom of speech makes it easier to spot the idiots! Semper Fi!)
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To: Pokey78

Thanks for the ping, Pokey! Another brilliant Steyn to make my day!


26 posted on 10/01/2006 12:05:00 PM PDT by alwaysconservative (Prayers going up.)
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To: ALPAPilot

The Germans SS soldiers dressed in US uniforms had their own uniforms under the US uniforms. They were ordered to magically shed their US uniforms before they engaged in combat. Of course they didn't in some cases.

The people who paid for that little act of chicanery, and the murders at Malmedy were the German soldiers who were not captured. US soldiers in WWII often didn't accept the surrender of German soliders who had serrated bayonets, as such weapons were thought to be intended to inflict unnecessary pain and suffering. After this became known, German soldiers so equiped would often drop them on their way to assault the US positions, or on their way to the front lines. Some germans ground the serrations off the bayonets.

An incentive to follow the rules.


27 posted on 10/01/2006 12:29:01 PM PDT by donmeaker (If the sky don't say "Surrender Dorothy!" then my ex wife is out of town.)
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To: knighthawk
Perhaps we should try something they won't expect?


No one ever expects the Spamish inquisition!

Garde la Foi, mes amis! Nous nous sommes les sauveurs de la République! Maintenant et Toujours!
(Keep the Faith, my friends! We are the saviors of the Republic! Now and Forever!)

LonePalm, le Républicain du verre cassé (The Broken Glass Republican)

28 posted on 10/01/2006 12:46:17 PM PDT by LonePalm (Commander and Chef)
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To: Pokey78
I wonder if the Gitmo medical facility's lavish team of mental health experts might not be more usefully deployed to the U.S. Senate.

Nope. Lost cause.

29 posted on 10/01/2006 3:10:02 PM PDT by irv
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To: knighthawk

I hope Rush talks about this tomorrow.

As well as the prisoner who weighs 410 lbs.!


30 posted on 10/01/2006 6:05:22 PM PDT by NavySEAL F-16 (Proud to be a Reagan Republican)
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To: LonePalm
"Bleah! I don't like Spam!"


31 posted on 10/01/2006 10:19:44 PM PDT by Watery Tart (STILL LOOKING FOR PIC of Hitlery with NYPost in the Senate in 2001-headline said “Bush Knew." FR me!)
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To: Pokey78
"Thanks for the ping, Pokey," she said, settling into her comfy chair.


32 posted on 10/01/2006 10:24:52 PM PDT by Watery Tart (STILL LOOKING FOR PIC of Hitlery with NYPost in the Senate in 2001-headline said “Bush Knew." FR me!)
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To: knighthawk
After listening to Pat Leahy's contribution to the debate, I wonder if the Gitmo medical facility's lavish team of mental health experts might not be more usefully deployed to the U.S. Senate.

Old Leaky Leahy, a leopard who has not changed his spots and a good argument for term limits.

33 posted on 10/02/2006 8:48:03 AM PDT by Rummyfan
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To: knighthawk

bttt


34 posted on 10/02/2006 10:58:46 AM PDT by hattend (Anytime you see a union building, think of it as a branch office of the Democratic Party. - Rush)
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To: knighthawk
Related article (earlier) posted on Free Republic:

The Good Life At Gitmo
35 posted on 10/02/2006 3:58:47 PM PDT by ConservativeStLouisGuy (11th FReeper Commandment: Thou Shalt Not Unnecessarily Excerpt)
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To: knighthawk
Mark Steyn likes Freepers and is counting on us to save the world:


36 posted on 10/02/2006 4:19:14 PM PDT by RobFromGa (The FairTax cult is like Scientology, but without the movie stars)
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