Posted on 09/11/2006 10:39:33 AM PDT by FreeManDC
Wondering about that muffled howl you’ve been hearing the last couple weeks? It’s the sound and fury of feminists reacting to Michael Noer’s latest exegesis, Don’t Marry a Career Woman.
Noer’s column, which ran at Forbes.com, surveyed marriages in which the wives doggedly pursue a high-powered career, all the while neglecting family and home. The research shows these women are more likely to be unhappy if she earns more than the guy, or if she quits her job and stays home. Either way, she’s going to be a grump.
Her husband is more prone to be discontented if she is the primary breadwinner. The house is going to be dirtier. In the end, she is more apt to cheat on him and the marriage will fall apart. [www.forbes.com/2006/08/23/Marriage-Careers-Divorce_cx_mn_land.html]
Of course, these findings don’t apply to every ambitious woman who has risen to the top of her field – but the connection is true in many cases.
In practically every woman’s magazine, you’ll find advice columns to help the reader find Mr. Right and then entice her football-addled boyfriend to commit for the long-haul.
But when a male columnist dispenses relationship advice for men, that appears to be strictly verboten — at least according to the Shrieking Sisters of Silliness who cut loose on Mr. Noer.
On Good Morning America, one Rutgers U. prof claimed to be absolutely shocked: “I’m surprised that the man thinks it. I’m astonished that he wrote it. And I’m astonished that anyone published it, particularly Forbes.” (No word whether MIT professor Nancy Hopkins swooned at the news.)
Forbes hastily arranged for reporter Elizabeth Corcoran to pen a response sporting the acid title, “Don’t Marry a Lazy Man.” Describing Noer’s factual article as “frightening,” she dispensed this condescending advice about men: “If he can pick up new ideas faster than your puppy, you’ve got a winner.”
Needless to say, Ms. Corcoran’s screed only reinforced the worst stereotypes of the “I-know-what-I-want-and-I-know-how-to-get-it” career woman portrayed in Noer’s column.
Thereupon the readers jumped into the fray, all recounting their grudges about members of the opposite sex. A pretty picture it was not, but the debate is long-overdue: http://forums.forbes.com/forbes/board?board.id=respond_marry_career_woman and http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/1688730/posts .
Part of the ladies’ discomfiture with Mr. Noer’s article springs from the fact that for the last 30 years, discussions about women in the workforce have been guided by the unspoken rule, “Men’s Opinions Don’t Count.”
But then women’s one-sided conversations lapsed into over-wrought declamations about men who didn’t pitch in around the house, forgetting that that men often put in longer hours on the job, commute longer distances, and do physical labor that leaves them exhausted.
Doesn’t mowing the grass, killing creepy-crawlers that traipse through the kitchen, clearing leaves out of the gutter, and coaching Little League count for anything?
And let’s not forget the old axiom that rights and responsibilities go hand-in-hand. If women are demanding more rights, then what additional duties – like compulsory registration for the draft — are they going to shoulder?
Ironically, the same day that Michael Noer published his op-ed, columnist Nancy Levant came out with a fem-ripper called The Cultural Devastation of Women. [www.newswithviews.com/Levant/nancy55.htm]
Levant deplored the fact that thanks to the libbers, American women “now hire maid services, landscapers, pool cleaners, painters, interior decorators. . . .while losing every intuitive aspect of our female natures.” In the process, women “use men like ATMs” and “bankrupt multiple men with mandatory child support payments.”
One can only imagine the hullabaloo if Mrs. Levant had uttered such heresy at Forbes.
So what’s a career woman to do? For a moment, let’s can the feminist ideology and take stock of that rare commodity, common sense.
Have you ever seen a woman (or man, for that matter) exclaim at death’s door, “I only wish that I could have spent more time in the office”? Neither have I.
It’s no secret that the most rewarding parts of a person’s life revolve around relationships with spouses, children, and other family. So why are career women driven to dismember those connections that give the most meaning to their lives?
It’s true that women find satisfaction and fulfillment from paid work. And some have no choice but to get a full-time job.
But the reality is, wives’ happiness is not tied to living out of a suitcase or having an equal paycheck with their husbands. Indeed, the opposite is true. When husbands are the primary wage earners, wives have more freedom to pursue their own interests.
So Mr. Noer, lick off those wounds, straighten up that tie, and sharpen your pencil. Get ready for Round Two.
She's a successful chick with young child[ren]. Do we know how she treats her husband? She is smart enough to do it all and do it right IMHO!
Awwwwwwwwww. How sweet! [I'm serious!] Lucky you!
Somehow, Mike, I don't have you pegged as a potential lapdog or gigolo ... L O L
I know, me either. But that doesn't stop fortysomethings from pinching me at bars.
My experience was the exact opposite. I stayed at home with our children for 13 1/2 years or so before going back to work, and I don't think I ever once heard a negative word from my wife about not making any money.
As it stands, she still earns roughly 11 times what I make and as we approach our 16th annversery, it's still not a problem.
You have to be very young. Any man past the age of 30 is beyond is going to instantly see through the maneuver and be offended that some chica really thought an ego stroke was going to work.
I think mine has problems with her sperm donor/daddy, and has transferred many of them to me.
Have you tried working with a Behavior Analyst (one who can show you his or her Board Certified credentials, not someone who simply states he or she is a behavior analyst)?
Better advice: Don't get involved with a woman whose daughter is a rude, dishonest trust fund baby.
Your observation is supported by empirical research.
There are many women for whom that is not true. Don't be hanging the failure for that particular strategy on men, thankyouverymuch!
Waste not your time trying to explain the color red to a blind man.
As you stated, her lack of humility and acting more like a "dog in heat" convinced me she was still the same tramp as before. I thank God He showed me this before I made a terrible mistake.
So just a short "Thank You" for your post that confirmed my own inner convictions - character eventually shines through and is easily transparent.
We haven't worked with a behavior analyst.
However, she is doing great in the private school. She is happy, and is learning a lot.
Her twin sister is also doing great in private school.
Everyone is a lot less stressed than we have been.
I think we are in a great private school, and I'm glad I'm not homeschooling my kids.
I am very happy to hear she (and her sister) are doing so well.
Of course there are exceptions to the rule. Just like there might be some exceptions to every male needing tons of respect and admiration.
Don't be hanging the failure for that particular strategy on men
Affection is for the most part a very basic need for women and if a man is not providing his woman's need then that is a failure. And I'm not talking about the self-conscious kind of affection that is only doing it to "do what's right" but a confident, unself-centered consistent and sincere affection (a woman can easily spot the fake kind.) This will work wonders on many a hard-nosed woman.
So sorry, but no. You are chasing your tail. If people are not ultimately responsible for their own actions and decisions, then no one is responsible for anything.
In your example...could not the man just say that he would be more loving, if she was?
There's the attitude...pride.
Drop the pride. Give a woman what she needs. That's a real man. One without a chip on his shoulder.
Your forgot: "and shut up! I'm watching the game!"
Amen. I say that by faith, not sight (still looking for her!)
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