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She's repulsed by her baby
azstarnet ^ | August 24, 2006

Posted on 08/24/2006 10:28:15 PM PDT by beaversmom

● DEAR ABBY: I'm 26 and have never wanted children. Last year, however, two lines appeared on a pregnancy test, and 41 weeks later, the girl was born. I pleaded and begged my husband throughout the pregnancy to sign adoption papers with me. He refused. He is in the military and was gone most of the last seven months. We now live thousands of miles from my family, and I am miserable, stuck with a colicky baby who still doesn't sleep through the night.

I find no joy, no pleasure and no love being a mother. I can't sleep knowing I must wake up to a crying baby and the same routine of feeding, diapers, baths and bottles. I have become more and more detached from the girl and have nothing to enjoy. I can't even enjoy a cup of coffee without looking over my shoulder to see where the girl is. I don't want her to touch me, and I can barely hide my revulsion.

I am exhausted beyond belief, and my thoughts are turning darker every day. It's not the girl's fault she was born, but I can't help feeling resentment and anger toward this little person who more and more resembles a block of concrete on my feet.

We can't afford day care, and we have no friends or relatives close by. These long stretches of crying have my nerves shot and my hands itching to shake the girl until she shuts up. (I have never shaken her.) I'm scared of my feelings. What's wrong with me? Why can't I love my child? Should I put her in foster care? My husband can't stand her either, but he's adamant that we keep her. Yet I'm suffering, and so is she. She deserves a mother who loves her. — Going Crazy in San Diego

DEAR GOING CRAZY: It's not a crime not to feel maternal — not everyone is. In a case like yours, adoption might have been the better option. I can only recommend that before another day goes by, you contact the doctor who delivered your daughter, or her pediatrician, and repeat what you have told me. You may be suffering from postpartum depression, a hormonal condition that is treatable, and you may need a respite from motherhood. Once your chemistry is balanced again, visit your family for a few weeks. If you leave the baby with your husband, he may begin to see the wisdom of placing her with a family that really wants her and is willing to accept the responsibility that goes along with having a baby.


TOPICS: Miscellaneous; US: California
KEYWORDS: dearabbyfiction; depression; everythingyouread; fakebutaccurate; hoaxedupletter; junkjournalism; madeupletters; postpartum; whochecksthisstuff
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To: buffyt
My great grandfather had 16!

Now if that ain't a medical miracle! And to think I never read about it anywhere...

(Sorry, couldn't resist...)

121 posted on 08/25/2006 7:05:54 AM PDT by cspackler (There are 10 kinds of people in this world, those who understand binary and those who don't.)
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To: Lazamataz
Damn, Laz! Although I have to admit... You know how when you read stories, you develop a mental picure of the characters? Well, after reading a few years of your posts, that kinda looks like how I saw you...

;^}

122 posted on 08/25/2006 7:09:34 AM PDT by cspackler (There are 10 kinds of people in this world, those who understand binary and those who don't.)
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To: Tribune7
Right. It's the husband's fault

Largely, yes it is. I want children. If I marry someone who told me he didn't want children, yet get pregnant anyway, I would bear some moral responsibility when my child grows up unwanted or unloved.

One of the most important things a future parent for their children can do is choose his or her co-parent (should be spouse) carefully. Too many people marry or just conceive with a person who is clearly not parenting material, hoping that the baby will change them. The innocent child always loses, as he or she cannot divorce their parent if something goes wrong.

123 posted on 08/25/2006 7:30:08 AM PDT by LWalk18
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To: LWalk18

I disagree. I didn't see in the article where she was "forced". People that are really serious often get the plumbing fixed because , there is no such thing as 100% protection with birth contol, if you are sexually active. Those that don't, want the option to decide otherwise in the future IMO.


124 posted on 08/25/2006 7:37:28 AM PDT by CindyDawg
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To: dandelion
Sometimes the biggest blessings of our lives come at the darkest moments

Key word being sometimes.

125 posted on 08/25/2006 7:43:13 AM PDT by JackDanielsOldNo7 (On guard until the seal is broken)
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To: Dustbunny
It is my understanding that tons of the letters sent to advice columnists are fabrications. This could very well be one of them.

If not, we need to pray that this child will be rescued in time from this mentally ill person. And pray that she can get help for her illness.

126 posted on 08/25/2006 7:48:05 AM PDT by Protagoras ("Minimum-wage laws are one of the most powerful tools in the arsenal of racists." - Walter Williams)
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To: Wolfstar

I agree with you 100%. Get that poor baby out of her mother's care ASAP, and sort everything else out later.


127 posted on 08/25/2006 7:50:47 AM PDT by utahagen
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To: CindyDawg
I think you're much too optimistic about this woman's potential to be a decent mother. The risks (physical and emotional) to the baby are too great to wait around and see if this woman comes to her senses. Abby should have advised her to bring the baby to a church or hospital immediately and leave her with other people. If there is something freaky going on -- if this woman is medically ill or if she's misrepresenting her husband's feelings for the baby -- that can be sorted out later. But, for now, the baby deserves to be cared by someone who isn't repulsed by her.
128 posted on 08/25/2006 7:53:27 AM PDT by utahagen
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To: beaversmom

There's an incredible network of military families and a barrage of help groups as well. If this woman really wants help, she can get it.


129 posted on 08/25/2006 7:55:32 AM PDT by Hildy (Faith is not believing that God can. It is knowing that God will.)
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To: dandelion

It doesn't matter if it's truly wrong to hate babies....what difference does it make???


130 posted on 08/25/2006 7:56:21 AM PDT by Hildy (Faith is not believing that God can. It is knowing that God will.)
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To: CindyDawg
I disagree. I didn't see in the article where she was "forced".

It doesn't matter if she was "forced" or not- the fact of the matter is is that this man's daughter has a mother who hates her- a scenario he could have foreseen and prevented by marrying someone else who wants and loves children in the first place. The baby is the big loser when she is born outside of a loving marriage where both parents want and love children. People that are really serious often get the plumbing fixed because , there is no such thing as 100% protection with birth contol, if you are sexually active.

Many doctors won't do a tubal ligation on a 26 year old or younger with no children- too many of them change their minds= possiblity of lawsuit. She should have been more careful, however, and clear to her husband that she didn't want children, period.

131 posted on 08/25/2006 7:58:08 AM PDT by LWalk18
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To: Tamar1973

HOW DARE YOU???? I swear, people with gaggles of kids are the most insulting, stuck up bunch there is. SHE KNEW SHE DIDN'T WANT CHILDREN...her husband married her KNOWING THAT. Some people aren't cut out for parenthood. Thank God they realize that before they screw up the child. The husband is the one at fault here. She should divorce him and give him full custody.


132 posted on 08/25/2006 7:59:09 AM PDT by Hildy (Faith is not believing that God can. It is knowing that God will.)
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Hmmm, good time to get tubes tied, sweetie, so no more of those pesky baby thingies can pop out of your body. And give that precious little one up for adoption to loving humans, not selfish me-mes like you..


133 posted on 08/25/2006 8:03:05 AM PDT by MHGinTN (If you can read this, you've had life support from someone. Promote life support for others.)
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To: xVIer
Take care of the kids yourselves and sell the house your DD occupies to pay for their care.

Get legal custody of them and let DD fend for herself. She is an adult and must live as one. Housing her is enabling her lifestyle choices.

Do not allow her to raise the kids for there is nothing worse than knowing that your mother does not love you. Yes, I speak from experience.

134 posted on 08/25/2006 8:21:47 AM PDT by pbear8 (Praying for Steve Centanni and Olaf Wiig)
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To: utahagen
I might be but I think a lot of you are too pessimistic. Maybe because of Andrea Yates. I don't know. Something like that is rare but mothers working thru this aren't. If the mom can get help and supervision, I don't see giving the baby away is best for any of them at this time. Often they are just scared. Anyway since this probably isn't a true story and since my glass is usually 3/4 full , how about I finish it?

The new mother puts down the pen as she starts a new letter and looks at "the girl" and says, "now I know I'm crazy. You have me writing to Dear Abby. What? No more crying? You think momma doing that is funny, huh? C'mere" she murmurs as she picks up and cuddles the baby, who is staring intently at her . The woman holds her, strokes her baby's hair and talks to her, as she watches her little girl fall asleep, while clutching her mother's finger in her tiny palm. A little while later, her husband walks in. He stops short and stares at them and says "excuse me ma'am. I'm in the wrong house I guess. I'm looking for a crying woman with a screaming baby" as he slowly walks over and looks down on them. They both smile and she reaches out for his hand and starts to say "I'm sorry" at the same time he does.....To be continued 13 years later (puberty) Amen

135 posted on 08/25/2006 8:51:25 AM PDT by CindyDawg
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To: beaversmom
I don't want her to touch me, and I can barely hide my revulsion.

This baby's life is in serious danger. This woman could snap at any minute and do major harm.

I pray either she or someone she knows gets her the help she desperately needs before it's too late.
136 posted on 08/25/2006 9:03:23 AM PDT by reagan_fanatic (What Darwin denied he now regrets)
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To: beaversmom

is this real?

Seems like a fake so that the left can say "BABIES are suffering from soldier absence!"

How many of these dear abby type letters are made up?


137 posted on 08/25/2006 9:16:19 AM PDT by longtermmemmory (VOTE! http://www.senate.gov and http://www.house.gov)
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To: Hildy

I suspect fake letter.

Seriously, soldier away on active duty? I remember seeing a story about military wives support groups.


138 posted on 08/25/2006 9:19:46 AM PDT by longtermmemmory (VOTE! http://www.senate.gov and http://www.house.gov)
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To: beaversmom

Don't call her an idiot. She's obvioulsy very depressed....at least she's asking for help instead of drowning the baby.


139 posted on 08/25/2006 9:28:10 AM PDT by Fawn (http://www.jokaroo.com/funnyvideos/toilet_obsession.html)
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To: beaversmom

My wife and I will take the baby, no questions asked, none answered.


140 posted on 08/25/2006 9:31:20 AM PDT by Harrius Magnus (Self-loathing, self-destructive, and selfish = commonalities of Leftists and Jihadists. Not Welcome.)
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