Posted on 08/24/2006 10:28:15 PM PDT by beaversmom
● DEAR ABBY: I'm 26 and have never wanted children. Last year, however, two lines appeared on a pregnancy test, and 41 weeks later, the girl was born. I pleaded and begged my husband throughout the pregnancy to sign adoption papers with me. He refused. He is in the military and was gone most of the last seven months. We now live thousands of miles from my family, and I am miserable, stuck with a colicky baby who still doesn't sleep through the night.
I find no joy, no pleasure and no love being a mother. I can't sleep knowing I must wake up to a crying baby and the same routine of feeding, diapers, baths and bottles. I have become more and more detached from the girl and have nothing to enjoy. I can't even enjoy a cup of coffee without looking over my shoulder to see where the girl is. I don't want her to touch me, and I can barely hide my revulsion.
I am exhausted beyond belief, and my thoughts are turning darker every day. It's not the girl's fault she was born, but I can't help feeling resentment and anger toward this little person who more and more resembles a block of concrete on my feet.
We can't afford day care, and we have no friends or relatives close by. These long stretches of crying have my nerves shot and my hands itching to shake the girl until she shuts up. (I have never shaken her.) I'm scared of my feelings. What's wrong with me? Why can't I love my child? Should I put her in foster care? My husband can't stand her either, but he's adamant that we keep her. Yet I'm suffering, and so is she. She deserves a mother who loves her. — Going Crazy in San Diego
DEAR GOING CRAZY: It's not a crime not to feel maternal — not everyone is. In a case like yours, adoption might have been the better option. I can only recommend that before another day goes by, you contact the doctor who delivered your daughter, or her pediatrician, and repeat what you have told me. You may be suffering from postpartum depression, a hormonal condition that is treatable, and you may need a respite from motherhood. Once your chemistry is balanced again, visit your family for a few weeks. If you leave the baby with your husband, he may begin to see the wisdom of placing her with a family that really wants her and is willing to accept the responsibility that goes along with having a baby.
Tell her to wait a while, the kid will grow up and hate her back
This letter makes no sense. She does not want the child and her husband does not want the child. So why are they both punishing the child by not allowing her to be adopted?
This is not normal. She needs help.
After telling this chick to bring the baby to the nearest hospital and drop her off, I'd then tell her that she is one of the most selfish bitches it's ever been my misfortune to encounter. She and her husband both deserve each other, but they better both go get themselves fixed so they can't have more kids. Scum. Absolute scum!
Actually, it appears that she wanted to give the baby up for adoption, but her husband is refusing to consent and the consent of nboth parents is needed. Hopefully, he will come around, for the baby's sake.
The poor child. Not only colicky but probably feeling the lack of love from the parents.
Someone please call Children's Services. Quick!
No it's not. She just takes the baby to the nearest hospital, drops it off saying it's not wanted, and leaves. End of saga.
Someone needs some quality time at the funny farm, and that baby needs a lifetime with a family that will raise her with all the love she needs.
You are assuming that she is telling the truth about her husband also being "repulsed" by the little girl. He might actually want her. She could simply be trying to justify where feelings by normalizing them. "It's not just me, hubby hates her too."
What good with that do.
Hopefully the kid doesn't become screwed up.
She and her husband may have psychological issues, but they are not "scum". Not everyone wants children, and it would have been far easier for her to have an abortion and be done with it. Instead, hopefully if the father goes around, a baby will be with a set of parents desparate to give it a home. She would be "scum" to raise the baby and hate it along with the father in order to keep up appearances.
I'm speechless.
Why are you calling her husband who is in the Marines or the Navy (She's in San Diego) a "piece of human excrement"? It's not his fault he is deployed and can't be there.
I know what it is to wish desperatedly for a child. I can't fathom how anyone could feel this way about their baby.
This baby isn't a newborn, it may not fall under the same Safe Haven laws. A parent can be arrested for abandoning a child in a hospital if there is no such law, or if the child is older.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.