MODERN MANNERS (Offering a Woman a Seat Is 'Creepy,' According to GQ)

New York Post ^ | August 18, 2006 | Liz Smith

[nickcarraway]

'WOMEN ARE equals now. They can fend for themselves. To offer a perfectly healthy woman a seat simply because she is a woman, however well-intentioned, is creepy. At best, she'll think you're from another country; at worst she'll feel old, or overweight enough to be perceived as pregnant."

And that is a lesson in modern manners, according to the new issue of GQ (with Clive Owen on the cover). Glenn O'Brien and other GQ scribes weigh in on e-mails, cellphones, gym etiquette, dressing for travel, how to handle chatty seatmates, sleeping with your friend's ex, online dating, wedding gifts and how to treat gay people: "Gay people don't want to freshen up the world, they just want to be a part of it." (So don't ask for makeovers and fashion tips.)

Oh, but you certainly should open doors for women: "Why? To be nice, you mannerless ape!"

[longtermmemmory]

women at GQ?!, those would be called "f*g h*gs". No wonder they want to feminize men.

[NoControllingLegalAuthority]

HST, I got slapped in NYC about 30 years ago while holding a heavy hotel door open for a "lady." I was so stunned and surprised by her attack, I forgot to slap her back.

That was assault and you should have had the woman arrested. The bitch deserved at least one night in jail for it. It is not a crime to hold open a door for someone. It is a crime to slap someone without provocation. Backhanding her onto her pompous butt, however, might have been far more satisfying and completely justified.

[Fiji Hill]

What are you squawing about?
What are you squawing about?
You women who fought to get equal rights,
Then cut off your hair, and stayed out at night,
Just go on, and smoke all you please,
And drink till you're weak in the knees.
But when you're in a crowd, and they tromp on your feet,
And no one gets up to give you a seat,
And men don't tip their hats when you walk down the street,
Well, what are you squawking about?

--Carson Robison, 1932

[Fred Hayek]

That was in the San Francisco area - specifically at SFO airport. Was there on business. Yes, she turned out to be a real butch type in a perpetual foul mood.

[CindyDawg]

My grandson's are 4 and 6. They need reminding every once in awhile but they open doors. They also say yes sir and no ma'am. I was traveling awhile back with one of them. A passenger heard and I thought she was going to faint. She told me that was not acceptable "up north" and was considered racist. Go figure

[doberville]

MOST excellent, you debbil, you!

[WhyisaTexasgirlinPA]

We taught our kids to show good manners and hold doors for others but I noticed that sometimes the kids would get angry when the person passed through the door without even acknowledging that he or she had held it for them.

I had to remind my kids that while they are showing good manners, the person didn't ask them to do it, they did it on their own accord. So if the person thanks then it is fine, but we shouldn't expect it.

[momincombatboots]

I concur. Please offer me a seat, it gives me hope for courtesy and respect for other people. I can only hope my son would always offer his seat to a woman. Wait, he is only 13, I guess I don't want anyone swooning over him until he is at least 47. Offering a woman a seat or doing something for the elderly is a sign of a highly desirable man.

[Beagle8U]

From some of the comments I've read on this thread, I wonder where on earth these people live?

I've never been to a crap-hole city like NY or LA, but I haven't ever been treated rudely for opening doors or offering a seat to a lady.

If a lady I pass on the street makes eye contact, I tip my hat and say...Ma'am. Never do I get a dirty look.

[KellyAdmirer]

I once was standing outside an elevator in a liberal university. A plain 30ish woman I never saw before or since was standing on the other side of the doorway, also waiting to enter. The door opened. I waited for her to enter. I sort of motioned for her to enter. She stood there. I stood there. Long moments passed. Another person walked up to get into the elevator, saw us standing there, and stopped, wondering what the heck was going on. Finally, she give a "harumph," shook her head and stormed into the elevator. I followed. The third person followed. It was very weird.

Of course this was in downtown NYC. Just goes to show that where you are counts in whether good manners are appreciated.

[HairOfTheDog]

I don't know where they live either, and maybe the chip on their own shoulder is making them crabby :~)

Maybe they expect too much when they open a door. It's not a major production, it's just a door, nod, smile, thanks, good-day!

[arizonarachel]

When I was on vacation in Cancun, Mexico, I was honestly surprised at how many gentlemen surrendered their seats for ladies who boarded the bus. That would never happen here.

[CindyDawg]

My spot seems to be by the buttons. Maybe because that is where the phone is but I'm always holding the door for people loaded down or with carts. Women will often just walk out, but I can't remember a guy not thanking me. Anyway, I agree . We should watch out for others.

[Tall_Texan]

If I ever heard a woman lash out at a man for being polite, I would probably have to say something to her.

The one time a woman lashed out at me for holding open a door, I simply closed it in her face.

[Darnright]

>When I was a student at UNC Charlotte three years ago, and I held the door to a girl who was walking up. She mouthed off that "She didn't need a MAN holding the door for her".<

Holding the door for someone behind you is simple good manners (albeit southern manners). This person sounds like a dolt, regardless of her lack of femininity.

[CindyDawg]

If I open a door and others coming in, I hold it. Guys are kind of funny though. They want to relieve you of the duty. They don't just walk on it and get all uncomfortable if you don't let them take over. If you watch though, another guy, will come along and take the door but they won't give it up to an older or disabled one. Around here you have to watch giving the seats up too. If someone looks like they need it, I offer my seat, for females but not guys. It makes them uncomfortable and they won't take it so I just get up and move on like I'm leaving.

[Beagle8U]

Wherever they live, I think I would be out of place there...lol.

[BenLurkin]

"ultra liberal rich white enclaves"

There are plenty of barbarians there, IMO.

[longtermmemmory]

no it is just plain good manners universally.

the woman who was offended was just plain illiterate.

[D1X1E]

Creepy? Just the opposite. I still think there are more men that open doors or offer chairs than not. At least that's been my experience. I live in the South but I always though that was just manners, no matter where you are.