Myron Floren
The Accordian Player for the Lawrance Welk Show.
I'd really rather see the liberals make it there.
Posted on 07/12/2006 5:57:49 PM PDT by Slump Tester
NEWS OUT OF CANADA
Manitoba Herald, Canada
The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased patrols to stop the illegal immigration. The actions of President Bush are prompting the exodus among left-leaning citizens who fear they'll soon be required to hunt, pray, and agree with Bill O'Reilly.
Canadian border farmers say it's not uncommon to see dozens of sociology professors, animal-rights activists and Unitarians crossing their fields at night.
"I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood producer huddled in the barn," said Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield, whose acreage borders North Dakota. The producer was cold, exhausted and hungry. "He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free-range chicken. When I said I didn't have any, he left. Didn't even get a chance to show him my screenplay, eh?"
In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences, but the liberals scaled them. So he tried installing speakers that blare Rush Limbaugh across the fields. "Not real effective," he said. "The liberals still got through, and Rush annoyed the cows so much they wouldn't give milk."
Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals near the Canadian border, pack them into Volvo station wagons, drive them across the border and leave them to fend for themselves.
"A lot of these people are not prepared for rugged conditions," an Ontario border patrolman said. "I found one carload without a drop of drinking water. "They did have a nice little Napa Valley cabernet though."
When liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border, often wailing loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives. Rumors have been circulating about the Bush administration establishing re-education camps in which liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer and watch NASCAR races.
In recent days, liberals have turned to sometimes-ingenious ways of crossing the border. Some have taken to posing as senior citizens on bus trips to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half-dozen young vegans disguised in powdered wigs, Canadian immigration authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior-citizen passengers on Perry Como and Rosemary Clooney hits to prove they were alive in the '50s.
"If they can't identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, we get suspicious about their age," an official said.
Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are creating an organic-broccoli shortage and renting all the good Susan Sarandon movies. "I feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just can't support them," an Ottawa resident said. "How many art-history majors does one country need?"
In an effort to ease tensions between the United States and Canada, Vice President Dick Cheney met with the Canadian ambassador and pledged that the administration would take steps to reassure liberals, a source close to Cheney said. We're going to have some Peter, Paul & Mary concerts. And we might put some endangered species on postage stamps. The President is determined to reach out," he said
Lol!
Those are not rumors. All the "re-education" camps are being built in the basements of Walmart stores nationwide. Along with forcing them to drink domestic beer and watch NASCAR, they are also providing the labor necessary to manufacture the products that Walmart sells.
This serves 2 purposes:
1. It eliminates the wage advantage China and Madagascar have in producing goods.
2. It trains the liberals in a "real world" environment, so they are able to provide for themselves and not be a burden on society.
No way.
We do our best to keep the liberal infested brains as far away as possible.
We know what would happen.
DeWalt would sue DuPont for aggravated, vehicular assault.
DuPont would sue DeWalt and Nascar for, "not letting me do what I felt I needed to do."
Non-winning sponsors would sue Nascar because their driver did not win.
Young, rookie drivers would sue their Team and Nascar because they have not been allowed to win a race yet. Just not fair!
Jeff Gordon's legal staff would file a "harassement" lawsuit agaist Dale Jr. for illegal contact (bump drafting).
Again, no.
We do not need the Liberal infestation.
Pimp Daddy Jesse Jackass is bad enough.
Now go away and forget about Nascar.
They simply are there to do welfare benefits which the Canadians refuse to do.
"Need one lawyer to get my son off on a DUI!"
"Six global warming believers, three days, let's get this snow shoveled while it's still July!"
"I was just mugged on vacation in New York, need a Manhattan resident to write me a stinging letter to the Times!"
But that's not all that liberals are good for. Imagine the gay cruising potential.
Seen it before, still makes me laugh. I sent it to my lib friends, I'm sure they'll find it funny, right?
"In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences, but the liberals scaled them. So he tried installing speakers that blare Rush Limbaugh across the fields. 'Not real effective,' he said. 'The liberals still got through, and Rush annoyed the cows so much they wouldn't give milk.'"
ROTFLOL!!!!
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