Posted on 07/02/2006 4:22:03 AM PDT by libstripper
Brendan and Sharon had been dating since the late 1980s, when they met in college.
Every holiday, every birthday, every major event, Sharon was on pins and needles. Would Brendan finally pop the question, produce a ring and ask her to marry him? And every holiday, every birthday, every major event, he didn’t.
Friends began to scoff at her and her family reminded her that her biological clock was clicking away.
On a cold winter morning, Sharon came to a harsh but honest realization. Brendan just wasn’t the marrying kind. She got the courage to ask him why. “It turns out he still had deep emotional scars from his parents’ divorce when he was a child,” she says. “He felt that marriage was too risky, too painful—so why bother?”
(Excerpt) Read more at msn.match.com ...
That's a good one. Maybe if women were more likely to keep to their marriage vows, men would be more likely to be honest with their dating partners. We have to be dishonest to protect ourselves nowadays.
LOL, you're talking about women I've never even MET. :)
Ding ding ding ding! We have a winner!
Marriage is an instinct, not a cultural ritual. Marriage will always be around. This is from a child of divorce and split custody.
?????
Explanation please, I don't understand what that means.
For many (most) guys, free sex eliminates the need to marry!
Why buy the cow if you're gettin free milk?
And once guys mature a little, they realize there's more to marriage than that. I found one of the mature ones, and it's made for a great life together.
"You ever think about divorce, Jack?"
"Divorce? Never. Murder? Often."
Even in these cases, with our anti-male divorce courts, men stand to lose 50% or more of their assets, including assets acquired prior to the marriage. That's pretty risky.
I think everybody here has some excellent insights. On the one hand, I both partners need a kick in the tush if they're in a sexual relationship before marriage. I love the colorful cow metaphor. It's right on. Sounds crass and crude, but so is having a pseudo-marriage sans commitment.
On the other hand, we can't assume that just because two people have been dating for a few years that they are in a sexual relationship. Sometimes one partner really does lead the other person on. Other times, the person is firm that he or she does not see marriage in the cards and the other just hangs on hoping the unwilling partner will change his or her mind.
There's nothing wrong with dating someone you aren't going to marry as long as you are clear about what you want (and don't add sex to the mixture). Some people who are great friends are ill-suited to dating each other. I think the same is true about marriage. Some people are great girlfriends or boyfriends but would be ill-suited to each other as a married couple. E.g., he makes lots of money and is frugal; she makes little but would squeeze blood from a rock to fuel her spending habits. That's fine until they have joint creditors.
I don't buy it that every male-female relationship should be a progression toward marriage. Marriage can be a great thing, but it isn't the only healthy interpersonal relationship, and it certainly isn't the only path to a fulfilling life.
There's nothing wrong with putting your own fulfillment first when you haven't found a person you want to give the rest of your life to. Every man I meet either wants me to put out after three dates (if I'm lucky it takes that long), which immediately makes me lose respect for him (oh great, another liberal... next...) or he gets all starry-eyed after a few dates (if I'm lucky it takes him that long) and starts talking about the Future, which makes me break out in a cold sweat and feel like bolting (oh great, another one who wants me barefoot and pregnant... next...). My last date said to me, on the first date, "You seem like the type of girl who eventually wants to get married and have kids." I immediately thought, WHOOAA! Slow down! But at least he was cute and acted like a gentleman.
I can understand the young man's reluctance after seeing his parent's marriage fall apart. My parents split up three years ago. Dad is well off, and mom is in financial ruin. It's true that modeling a successful marriage innoculates against divorce, but you can only control one person. You can't force a spouse to give 100%. If you have any doubts whatsoever about the other person's commitment, don't tie the knot.
And if you do, protect yourself with a prenup. Normal people can get unpredictably weird. If your beauty turns into a beast, you don't want to be struggling economically or subsidizing someone else's choice to bail on you.
I think there is a flaw in your argument. Since marraige is a multi-year event, then any reference to a divorce "rate" must specify a timeframe, and can either include all marriages and all divorces over the life of the event, or can reference the rate of change per unit time. The numbers you cite are a rate of change numbers, the delta marriage and delta divorce in a given year, which will be different than the overall numbers, but is nonetheless a valid type of comparison.
The 50% is not accurage. Far less than 50% of first marriages end in divorce; subsequent marriages have a higher rate of failure which brings up the averages. There's other ways the stats have been twisted; it's a leftist trick to make people want to give up on the traditional family.
List?
(The Palestinian terrorist regime is the crisis and Israel's fist is the answer.)
As long as you put yourself on other people's level, you'll end up doing nothing in life. "Gee, I'd like to start a company, but they say that over half of all new businesses fail, so that's a waste of time." Or, "I'd like to go back to school, but over half of adult's who try end up dropping out, so that's no good." And so on, and so on. You are an individual and you make your own life. It doesn't make you.
(The Palestinian terrorist regime is the crisis and Israel's fist is the answer.)
One of the things that taught me to strive for a committed, loving, and permanent marriage was my divorce from my first husband. I have been married nearly 20 years since that happened.
We all have burdens to bear in this life. True reward and growth comes from overcoming them and moving forward in spite of the pains we've experienced, To let yourself become stuck in the "in between" places is to never experience full adulthood.
I do sympathize that the man is usually the higher income earner. I'd probably have the same problem, which is why I wouldn't even think about getting married without a prenuptial agreement. If he wants to run off, I won't leave him destitute even if he's a slime, but other than that, he leaves emptyhanded. Any couple that could remain committed despite the turmoils of marriage would be able to work out an agreement. If she won't sign on the dotted line, then you know you're getting a raw deal. But no woman worth keeping will stay with you if she has to choose between celibacy and illegitimate children.
LOL! I like it
A hard and evident truth. So a person who loves others with the will instead of a body part is someone worth having a second look at when shopping for a mate.
Two people, controlling themselves together, loving the one they marry instead of just marrying the one they love.
I will say it again, commitment and integrity.
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