Posted on 06/07/2006 11:41:09 PM PDT by StJacques
Edited on 06/08/2006 1:00:37 AM PDT by Jim Robinson. [history]
A caller finally calling in to c-spam and reaming them out, oops he just got cut off! He was good, "are these people really Americans who are calling in"? The guy was good.
Actually, I truncated the whole thing. Here is the entire conversation:
The sketch:
A customer enters a pet shop.
Osama Bin Laden:: 'Ello, I wish to register a complaint.
(The owner does not respond.)
Osama Bin Laden:: 'Ello, Miss?
American Soldier: What do you mean "miss"?
Osama Bin Laden:: I'm sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint!
American Soldier: We're closin' for lunch.
Osama Bin Laden:: Never mind that, my lad. I wish to complain about this Abu Musab al Zarqawi what I purchased not half an hour ago from this very boutique.
American Soldier: Oh yes, the, uh, the Jordanian Pig...What's,uh...What's wrong with it?
Osama Bin Laden:: I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lad. 'E's dead, that's what's wrong with it!
American Soldier: No, no, 'e's uh,...he's resting.
Osama Bin Laden:: Look, matey, I know a dead Abu Musab al Zarqawi when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.
American Soldier: No no he's not dead, he's, he's restin'! Remarkable pig, the Jordanian Pig, idn'it, ay? Beautiful plumage!
Osama Bin Laden:: The plumage don't enter into it. It's stone dead.
American Soldier: Nononono, no, no! 'E's resting!
Osama Bin Laden:: All right then, if he's restin', I'll wake him up! (shouting at the cage) 'Ello, Mister Polly Abu Musab al Zarqawi! I've got a lovely fresh cuttle fish for you if you
show...
(owner hits the cage)
American Soldier: There, he moved!
Osama Bin Laden:: No, he didn't, that was you hitting the cage!
American Soldier: I never!!
Osama Bin Laden:: Yes, you did!
American Soldier: I never, never did anything...
Osama Bin Laden:: (yelling and hitting the cage repeatedly) 'ELLO POLLY!!!!! Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your nine o'clock alarm call!
(Takes Abu Musab al Zarqawi out of the cage and thumps its head on the counter. Throws it up in the air and watches it plummet to the floor.)
Osama Bin Laden:: Now that's what I call a dead Abu Musab al Zarqawi.
American Soldier: No, no.....No, 'e's stunned!
Osama Bin Laden:: STUNNED?!?
American Soldier: Yeah! You stunned him, just as he was wakin' up! Jordanian Pigs stun easily, major.
Osama Bin Laden:: Um...now look...now look, mate, I've definitely 'ad enough of this. That Abu Musab al Zarqawi is definitely deceased, and when I purchased it not 'alf an hour
ago, you assured me that its total lack of movement was due to it bein' tired and shagged out following a prolonged squawk.
American Soldier: Well, he's...he's, ah...probably pining for the fjords.
Osama Bin Laden:: PININ' for the FJORDS?!?!?!? What kind of talk is that?, look, why did he fall flat on his back the moment I got 'im home?
American Soldier: The Jordanian Pig prefers keepin' on it's back! Remarkable pig, id'nit, squire? Lovely plumage!
Osama Bin Laden:: Look, I took the liberty of examining that Abu Musab al Zarqawi when I got it home, and I discovered the only reason that it had been sitting on its perch in the
first place was that it had been NAILED there.
(pause)
American Soldier: Well, o'course it was nailed there! If I hadn't nailed that pig down, it would have nuzzled up to those bars, bent 'em apart with its beak, and
VOOM! Feeweeweewee!
Osama Bin Laden:: "VOOM"?!? Mate, this pig wouldn't "voom" if you put four million volts through it! 'E's bleedin' demised!
American Soldier: No no! 'E's pining!
Osama Bin Laden:: 'E's not pinin'! 'E's passed on! This Abu Musab al Zarqawi is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker! 'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e
rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed 'im to the perch 'e'd be pushing up the daisies! 'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig! 'E's kicked the
bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisibile!! THIS IS AN EX-ABU MUSAB AL ZARQAWI!!
(pause)
American Soldier: Well, I'd better replace it, then. (he takes a quick peek behind the counter) Sorry squire, I've had a look 'round the back of the shop, and uh,
we're right out of Abu Musab al Zarqawis.
Osama Bin Laden:: I see. I see, I get the picture.
American Soldier: I got a slug.
(pause)
Osama Bin Laden:: Pray, does it talk?
American Soldier: Nnnnot really.
Osama Bin Laden:: WELL IT'S HARDLY A BLOODY REPLACEMENT, IS IT?!!???!!?
American Soldier: N-no, I guess not. (gets ashamed, looks at his feet)
Osama Bin Laden:: Well.
(pause)
American Soldier: (quietly) D'you.... d'you want to come back to my place?
Osama Bin Laden:: (looks around) Yeah, all right, sure.
I thought just the opposite. The reaction on the dims/libs just brings what Ann has said about them to the forefront.
Viva Bush !
:-D
Fingerprints, scars, face all match, so they're calling this one bagged.
Update: He just changed again..Now he wants to be called:
Nut on right now saying that terrorist attacks help boost corporation profiles... we should support civil war and stir it up (like the Balkans) to increase gas prices...
We already know something about that, don't we?
Makes you wonder if people like Berg's dad get neck strain from where their heads are located. sheesh, blame the President when Nick went voluntarily over to iraq to work for NGO's and make money.
Murtha?
Pelosi?
Schumer?
Ted "the Swimmer"?
I wonder how long it took to get "permission" to bomb a building to kill the bastard and any "innocent civilians" that may have been within the bomb's killing radius?
Bombing appears to be the ONLY PC acceptable technique for killing large numbers of "innocent civilians" in a premeditated cold blooded manner......
We should pull back the Marines -- and do a WHOLE LOT MORE BOMBING..... It delivers an unmistakable and unignorable message..
Semper Fi
Hell has a new resident.
*** Yes, last night, this man's many crimes against mankind were listed. Astonishing how much evil he had perpetuated on everyone. Well, now he will be judged
Early this morning Fox & Friends interviewed Nick Bergs father. I was stunned. When asked about his thoughts regarding the death of the man who beheaded his son, he responded by saying he was SADabout another persons death. Then he went into a tirade against the President. He also said did a tirade about why should we believe that he is dead. Should we believe an administration that has lied to us about this war.
The Fox hosts seemed stunned, but did not let his comments go without comment. They basically talk over his after the first minute.
Whoa. Sounds like AQ's channelling the DNC.
Looks as if calling out Hezbollah was not a great career move for Abu Musab al Dead.
?That sealed his fate....he dissed the mullahs.
As Rush would say, al-Zarqawi has assumed room temperature. Congrats to the US fighting forces!
If you don't bring a knife to a gunfight, you sure shouldn't bring one to an airstrike ping.
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