Posted on 05/25/2006 2:11:47 PM PDT by Paul Ross
Subject: Don't take hubby shoppingDear Mrs. Fenton,
It has come to our attention that over the past six months, your husband, Mr. Bill Fenton has been causing quite a commotion in our store.
We have documented all incidents on our video surveillance equipment. We have identified and classified 15 objectionable types of conduct, to date, summarized below in the attched memo from our Internal Security Dept.
Based on this continuing egregious pattern of conduct, harmful to our company's reputation, we regrettably must ask, no, we must insist that you please refrain in the future from bringing your husband along with you when shopping at our store.
Your patronage, as always, has otherwise been appreciated. We hope you understand our position and do not hold it against us, and we look forward to seeing you with us again... just not with your husband.
The Management
___________________________________________
MEMORANDUM SUMMARY From: Store Internal Security Dept.
Re: Mr. Bill Fenton - 15 Things Mr. Bill Fenton has done while his spouse is shopping:
1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the restrooms.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in housewares..... and watched what happened.
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.
6. September 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.
8. September 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins to cry and asks Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, and picked his nose.
10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, asked the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.
11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
12. December 6: In the auto department, practiced his "Madonna look" using different size funnels.
13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browse through, yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"
14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumes the fetal position and screams "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"
(And; last, but not least!)
15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door and waited a while; then, yelled, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"
Ping-Relief
Hilarious!
btt
13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browse through, yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"
Next time I go with the wife I am gonna try this one
BTTT
I've actually done #2.
(and listen to his recommendations)
I heard the one about the toilet paper before, but unfortunately it involved a confessional...
That's one FUN guy!
This went around here a few days ago, under the title of "how to entertain yourself at WalMart."
Still a hoot!
I wish Mr and Mrs Fenton a long and happy marriage.
But did you do #2 as in the dressing room as per 15?
I used to go through the stereo department and turn all the amplifiers up to max volume (while they are off ..>:) ) then went nearby to hang out and wait.
Everybody's done #2.
I can't wait....
lol! great stuff. usually email humor is so corny, but these are GREAT. Plus, I'm drunk.
When my daughter was about 3, we went into a Vic Secret store. Spousal Unit was looking and I was watching the baby.
The daughter liked silky things. She grabbed a flimsy, silky bra and yelled - "Daddy! Come feel Mommy's undies !!!".
I stayed home for many years.
Welp, chaos, confusion, extreme antagonism.............Yep, my work here is done!
what a funny guy!
i just love this!
:)
But not in a fitting room.
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