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Monkeyshines
Waterbury Republican-American ^ | May 20, 2006 | Editorial

Posted on 05/21/2006 7:51:50 PM PDT by Graybeard58

The journal Nature had a piece May 18 that postulates the human-monkey lines split as recently as 5.4 million years ago. Previous research indicated the divergence occurred 9 million years ago. The new work by Harvard Medical School and the Massachusetts Institute of Technology suggests the full split wasn't achieved for nearly 4 million years and might have occurred twice. Interbreeding started the evolution of a hybrid species that led to the species of modern man, homo sapiens.

We don't pretend to have the credentials of Harvard or MIT anthropologists, nor it is our intention to provoke an evolution-creation debate. But based on our observations, if the Harvard-MIT findings are valid, it seems likely that more than two divergences of man and ape occurred, and that interbreeding with other species may have taken place, creating rafts of subspecies of mutant humans who walk among us today. They include:

Homo sapiens corruptus: Most state officials.

Homo sapiens whinerus: Screeching-tire public employees.

Homo sapiens rudius: Department of Motor Vehicle employees.

Your next car is just a click away! CTAutoX.com Homo sapiens pandarus: Members of Congress.

Homo sapiens windbaggerus: Lt. Gov. Kevin B. Sullivan.

Homo sapiens incompetus: Florida voters.

Homo sapiens bloodsuckerus: Trial lawyers.

Homo sapiens shoot'emuperus: Residents of Hartford.

Homo sapiens exaggeratus (also homo sapiens bogeymanus): Members of ultra-left-wing groups such as MoveOn.org and other cockamamie conspiracy theorists.

Homo sapiens praevaricatus: Bill and Hillary Rodham Clinton.

We'll leave it to you to decide what animals were crossbred to create these subspecies.


TOPICS: Culture/Society; Editorial
KEYWORDS: homosapiens; humor

1 posted on 05/21/2006 7:51:50 PM PDT by Graybeard58
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To: PatrickHenry

Ping.


2 posted on 05/21/2006 7:53:38 PM PDT by Junior (Identical fecal matter, alternate diurnal period)
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To: Graybeard58

Even still .... why are there still monkies of any species still around? And which monkey species in particular was cross bred, and where did the cross bred humanoid come from .....


3 posted on 05/21/2006 8:03:54 PM PDT by SkyDancer ("The Americans on Flight 93 did more to counter terrorism than the Democrats have done in 4 years")
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To: SkyDancer
....... why are there still monkies of any species still around? And which monkey species in particular was cross bred, ...

They mean ape, not monkey.

The common ancestor, and the living non-human great apes are adapted for the jungle. Our ancestors adapted to the savanah. So why shouldn't there still be apes and monkeys?

4 posted on 05/21/2006 8:08:25 PM PDT by Virginia-American
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To: Graybeard58; Chieftain

More bizzare mis-breeds:

Homosapiens dementia: Rep. Murtha

Homosapiens Traitorius: Jane Fonda & Kerry

Homosapiens Loquacious Ad Nauseum: Liberals


5 posted on 05/21/2006 8:29:14 PM PDT by Recovering Ex-hippie (Illegal Aliens....STFU!)
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To: Virginia-American
Sorry, it was meant to be sarcasm ... we were told in science/biology class in HS that the eyes developed from nerve endings being exposed to the sun ... my question to the teacher was then how could those creatures search for food, find each other and whatever ... the idea that humanity as we know it came from the monkey to me is ludicrous ...
6 posted on 05/21/2006 8:32:51 PM PDT by SkyDancer ("The Americans on Flight 93 did more to counter terrorism than the Democrats have done in 4 years")
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Comment #7 Removed by Moderator

To: Graybeard58

Where's that Photoshop of Helen Thomas & the orangutan?


8 posted on 05/21/2006 10:25:07 PM PDT by MoochPooch (I'm a compassionate cynic.)
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To: Graybeard58

No wonder I always have the urge to eat a banana.


9 posted on 05/21/2006 11:55:12 PM PDT by AlaskaErik (Everyone should have a subject they are ignorant about. I choose professional corporate sports.)
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