Posted on 05/10/2006 9:57:25 PM PDT by Simplemines
I'm in desperate need of some advice and some help.
My husband was successfully operated on three months ago for pancreatic cancer. He was doing well til three weeks ago when he got dehydrated - a byproduct of the strong chemo regimen he was on.
He went to the hospital, where he was ignored and got worse. Within four days he went from dehydrated to septic shock, a situation the hospital caused by ignoring his symptoms.
He was on respirator, and I had all the Dr. Kevorkian clones running up to me all day to get me to sign a DNR (do not resusciate) order, despite that both my husband and I had decided after Terri's Schiavo's murder that we both wanted EVERYTHING done as long as possible.
Three weeks later, and after much threatening by me of anyone who even looked at him like they were measuring him for a coffin, he's getting better. The sepsis is gone. He's still weak and on a respirator, but two drs. today want to give him a tracheotomy and wean him off the vent.
Meanwhile, the dr. who went on vacation after my husband was admitted showed up. He wanted to talk to me, I thought, about the trach procedure. Instead, he blindsided me with some total BS about how my husband's "quality of life" isn't very good (no chit, Sherlock), and that he thinks my husband would rather just be taken off the respirator and be allowed to DIE.
Where this imbecile came up with this, I've NO idea. I had just seen my husband, who is 90 percent conscious and knows what's going on, and he nodded YES when I asked him if he wanted to live. (He also wrote it, weakly, on a pad.)
Dr. Kevorkian ran away when I told him that I'd put HIM on a respirator if he hurt my husband. He also acted like he "acquiesced" to my husband's and my wishes that he be allowed to recover from the infection this crummy hospital gave him that put him in ICU.
Now I'm scared to death that they're going to LET him die. We're a small family, and we can't be there 24/7 (it's an 80 mile roundtrip, and I am trying to do research because none of these drs. know enough to even learn his name, and they constantly contradict one another.)
I need HELP. I need advice. I need anyone who is northern NJ and wants to prevent a murder to help.
So please, if you know of any pro-life organizations, any anti-euthanasia groups, if you want to visit him and keep his spirits up (and make sure the Kevorkians don't get near him), please let me know. And please post with any suggestions.
God bless all of you. (And say a prayer for me, cause I'm going to pass out!)
If he is conscious and saying don't stop something, I do consider that a fine sign that he could recover by the way.
:) I like hearing that.
Neither of these two wonderful ladies gave up, they just fought the best fight until there was a complete organ failure of some kind that happened naturally.
I'm sure they didn't. I was dealing with an unusual individual. I knew he didn't have a chance.
Family around is best, a great friend is second best in these kinds of circumstances.
He didn't have family...I would hope I did what he wanted.... TY :)
You could only do your best and no human can ask more of another person.
No one is perfect but God and I assure you that anyone who lost a loved one probably has that person praying for your needs in heaven.
I'm sure you friend and my parents pray for us out of love all the time. :)
Thank you. I know I did all I could do - part of which was getting him back to the Church before he died. I had a wonderful priest whose help I will never forget.
That is just great.
Wonderful news.
Good luck to you and prayers for your husband. Pancreatic cancer is tough to beat. (But it sounds like you have the guts for it!)
I agree with others who advise you to get a lawyer to make a visit to the hospital. Several years ago, my mother had ovarian cancer, and was not doing well, but probably could have lasted another month or two. But as a result of a medical "mistake" -- an order by a doc for a medicine that depressed her breathing function, and any doc worth his salt would have known not to give her that -- she died prematurely. It's my opinion that the doc in question took it upon himself to end her life "humanely," without bothering to consult her or her family as to whether that was what she wanted.
Threaten 'em. Have your lawyer inform them that if any "medical mistakes" are made, they will be investigated fully.
FYI - Invite Bump!
Prayers up. Also, you'll want a good lawyer. Pronto.
Doesn't help to threaten doctors, but it does help to have family there as much as possible.
Tell her that, not me. ;)
That sounds sadly realistic, however.
A couple of things.
First I'd like to give an opposing view of those supporting a DNR, but I don't think you need to hear much. My mother would have died with a DNR; she was glad she didn't. It was up to her and she chose. Fortunately, you are in a similar situation, so hang in there.
Secondly, I wonder if there is a Catholic hospital or organization or perhaps a priest in the hospital now that you can ask for help.
Wish I could do more, I'm far away and don't know what else to suggest.
God bless you...
The first thing you do is make it perfectly clear to every doctor and nurse who gets near him that if they don't start taking care of him properly and take all steps necessary to save his life, you will have a team of lawyers there the following morning. Send them a fax immediately stating this. Make it clear that it is your husband's wish to live and that you intend to carry out his wishes.
Then MOVE him so you can watch over him. Demand whatever it takes to be able to stay with him, settle in, get comfortable and put the fear of God into the staff if they have anything buy saving his life on their agenda.
It has been my experience that that is the only way to deal with these assholes, and it works.
One more thing - don't hire a lawyer unless and until you really have to. A lawyer can actually get in the way at this point, and you can accomplish what you need to without one for the moment by being firm, calm, specific, and giving the appearance of being in control, assertive and authoritarian. In other words, make it clear who is in the driver's seat and that they're taking orders from you, not the other way around. Once you get him moved, get your family doctor in the loop regularly and use him or her as the primary contact. Make sure you let him know you expect him to be primarily in charge of the case because you don't trust anyone else.
Call attorney Ron Kuby ASAP - Call his office & leave a message and phone number right now
WABC 770am NYC - Call the WABC studio - It's above Madisonn Square Garden
He's on with Curtis Slewah mornings 6am-10am ET W-F
Ron is a leftie but a pitbull for his clients - He handles cases in NY, CT, NJ
This should be a contingency fee civil suit - Not a phone call from a shyster
Do not play with random attorneys
When Kuby sues NYC they settle - now
Ron will tell you what info & evidence he would like you to get if possible
I'd carry a voice-actuated mini-audiorecorder - Sony
- But do not record a physician or an attorney inside his office or on the telephone
I know the game well -
It's still possible for you and your husband to find a satisfactory resolution to this hospital situation. I'm not sure where you are, in S. Jersey, Eastern PA, or upstate NY, but I suggest once your husband has stabilized and is ready to move, arrange (w/ insurance, transport, acoomodation, primary doctor, lab work, charts, etc) to have a full work up and consultation done at Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center on 5th Ave, if you haven't already. If necessary book a hotel room near Sloan-Kettering, my family members used "The Larchmont" which is about 250 feet from the entrance to Sloan Kettering.
Also, if you get to the point you retain a lawyer for the Jersey hospital, be very careful in who you choose, both your lawyer and the firm, many of the law firms in North Jersey do fundraisers for the hospitals, sit on the hospital boards, etc., with it's associated plusses and drawbacks. As Zezebelle said, don't retain a lawyer before necessary.
You can send me a private message and I might be able to suggest more with a few details. I worked for a agency selling long term care insurance and dealt with this at work and in my family in North Jersey more times than I care to recall.
I'm not a lawyer or doctor, and I'm not giving professional advice.
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