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Posted on 04/20/2006 6:36:36 PM PDT by trussell
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BTTT prayer request.
In my prayers -- so sorry...
My sincerest condolences to you and your family.
Blessings and comfort to you and your family.
Just reading through the posts you know you have an extended family with all your fellow FReepers.
We are here for you in your hour of need and most importantly your husband is in the hands of a Living Loving God!
God Bless You barker.
Mental disease is the hardest thing to live with and the loss of a loved one to it is both tragic and inexplainable. We find ourselves asking "why?" and "how could this have happened?" and seldom get satisfactory answers.
I lost my wife in Sept of last year. She struggled with severe depression as well as certain religion based delusions for the last two years of her life. God in His mercy took her home via a seizure when she had reached the end of her rope. She was in the hospital after an unsuccessful suicide attempt and under close watch (15 minute check) when she had a seizure and went home. The two years prior to that were a living nightmare for all of us.
How do you reach into someone's private darkness and help them get out? Was there more that we could do? was there something we did that we shouldn't have done? Questions and guilt and regrets try to wash over us like a tidal wave.
Remember that life and death is in God's hands. While I believe that suicide is wrong I have come to understand that sometimes, when the fight has been fought and we reach the end of our strength, God will allow us to succeed in such an attempt. Not because we are healthy enough to know what we are doing, but because we are so far down that we cannot understand what we are doing. We only want the pain to end and we become incapable of seeing any other way out. Your husband died of a disease.
I believe that your husband is home now. He is out of pain, he is happy and he loves you and the kids with a love that will never die. He just ran out of strength.
You are left with the hardest task now. Continuing to live and learning to enjoy life again. Your husband would want you to be happy. (after your grieving time is over of course)
There is nothing you could have done to prevent this from happening. It was not your fault nor your choice. Life and death are in God's hands and He allowed this. (I can say this as my wife had tried several times to end it and He kept her alive miraculously several times. She couldn't leave this earth until He allowed it. I think that one reason He chose to take her home this way is that I have a 5 year old daughter who wouldn't understand any thing else yet.)
During the next few days you will find times of severe grief and times of even joy and laughter, enjoy the good times when they come. Don't worry about them. When my wife died I found myself feeling pretty good sometimes and I was greatly disturbed by it. A very good friend of mine (the preacher who said the funeral) said it this way. "Grief comes in waves like the tide. If it came all at once it would destroy us, so God gives us times of rest between the tears." I've found this to be true. Use these times and remember all the good times with your husband. You have no reason to feel guilty or ashamed for a moment's respite from grief. God knows what He is doing and He will let you grieve at your own pace. He will not give you more than you can bear.
Gather your family and friends about you. Most people do not know what to say to someone who's lost a spouse. Your friends love you but they feel as helpless as you may. Let them know that you are planning to go on living and that you need their help.
People always say "let me know if there's anything I can do" or something like that. Take them up on it. People are sincere when they say it. They just don't know how else to help. I know it's hard to think of but your friends and family are grieving too. They are looking for some way to help and some way to remember. Let them help you. It is a healing both for you and for them.
I felt like I was taking advantage of them by letting them cook for me or clean the house or whatever. But they needed to help me as much or more than I really needed the help. Find time to be merciful to their grief and let them help you. If things need to be taken care of around the house let them do it for you. You get the jobs done and they get to work through their grief.
It takes a little effort but continue to involve yourself in life. Attend your church. It's OK to cry when doing things the two of you used to do. It's even healthy. I cried the first several times I went to church without my wife.
They used to say that grieving lasts a year. In my case my wife was gone for 5 months and I seemd to be over most of my grief. I was again disturbed by this. I loved her completely (as anyone who knew us could attest) so why wasn't I grieving any more? A very wise woman of God helped me to understand that my wife had been sick for a long time. I had started grieving her loss long before she really left.
You may experience the same. Don't expect to grieve on a schedule. Grief starts when it starts and ends when it ends. No one has any right to demand that you grieve for a certain length of time and you do not have to live up to any one's expectations. If you find yourself one day happy then praise God for the day and enjoy your life. If you find yourself one day grieving than praise God for the time you had together and cry if you need to.
I've found it somewhat therapeutic to talk about what happened. Sometimes people think that they are opening up old wounds but what they think doesn't matter. If it brings you comfort to discuss it, or to not discuss it, then do so.
I will pray for you and your children and all who knew your husband. I hope my words have been helpful somehow.
May God give you strength to get through this time and to live your life to the fullest. May he bless your going outs and your coming ins. May he provide for your every need and place people about you to love you and care for you and lift you up when you are tired. May God bless you and keep you, and make His face to shine upon you. May God turn his face toward you and give you peace.
I am truly sorry to hear of the horrible shock and loss you have suffered. Please know that you are in my prayers as well as all your family and friends who are trying to deal with this tragedy. My 16 yr. old daughter's boyfriend did the same thing on March 30th. His Dad was stationed in Iraq with the 412 Civil Affairs Battalion and he was their only child.
Father Above,
You are our source and our goal. You are our strength and our Redeemer. We praise your name in all the earth, Father God.
Today we lift up to you the mystery of depressive illness, Father God, and we lift up to you "barker" and her children for your tender care and solace.
We pray for the soul of barker's husband, that in his final moment he cried out to you, Lord, in his despair. We know you would leave the ninety and nine docile sheep to retrieve the one that was lost, Father, and so we cry out to you to save him where he is and repatriate him into the true love of your will and your way for his soul.
Comfort the family, we pray, our Lord, in this confounding loss. You are the One in all the world who can turn every event to good in your time. We depend on your grace and mercy, Father, in this time of need for barker and her family.
In Jesus' holy name,
Amen!
May our Lord come alongside you now, and comfort your heart. See Him? He is right there next to you. In times like these, words pale as we try to make sense out of tragedy. But know one thing for sure . . . He'll never leave, and will always be your strength.
Prayers to you and your family.
barker,
I just found this thread. I'm late in posting, but definitely still want you to know that you and your loved ones are in my thoughts and prayers. I pray that you are finding the strength you need in this situation.
I've sent you an email also.
May G-d fill the void that is left in your and your family's life completely with his Ruach! May the Comforter come for you all and put His arms around you. May He give you answers to the questions that you will have and show you the truth through his mercy. May He take this tradgedy and make a positive of it through all of your lives.
May God comfort you and your family, you poor dear. What a loss. You're in my prayers.
barker, my thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family.
Would like, once again, to thank everyone who responded to this thread. You will never know how much your kind words, your thoughts and most of all your prayers have helped us through this difficult time.
Popps, I did receive your email and will soon respond. You are so kind and generous. Thank you.
Prayed.
Hello dear barker.. came across this link as I had linked it at my Finest “Fairy Tales” thread...
read all comments once again.
3 years... How are you doing FRiend?
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