Posted on 03/18/2006 7:03:00 PM PST by goldstategop
The miracle of Purim owes much to a superficial, womanizing male who set about dating as many women as possible to find the one that was the most beautiful. Ahasuerus is like so many shallow men today who reduce women to nothing but a slim figure and a pretty face. But in the end, the story of Esther makes it clear that the secretly Jewish queen was chosen not for her looks, but because she "found grace and favor" in the eyes of all who beheld her. There was a womanly dignity, a sublime feminine majesty, to Esther that the rest of the harem lacked. They were empty suits, packaging only, without substance or personality. They were the kind of women who attract attention with low-cut blouses rather than high intelligence, short skirts rather than a lofty spirit. But Esther is a woman possessed both of outer and inner beauty, a heroine who exhibits uncommon wisdom, courage and dedication to the helpless. In short, she is a woman of outstanding character and her story is that of the triumph not only of the Jews over their enemies, but also of a woman's ability to win over a man with her brains rather than her bust.
How tragic, therefore, that Jewish men today have adopted the dating mores of Ahasuerus. And I'm not just talking about secular Jewish men whom we might expect to have adopted less lofty criteria in their choice of a mate. Rather, I am speaking especially of Orthodox Jewish men who have become so obsessed with the three modern virtues of a real woman - large chest, long legs, slim figure - that heart, mind, even the sparkle of her eyes, count for almost nothing.
I once served as matchmaker-in-chief for JDate. But I now find matchmaking nauseating thanks to the dispiriting superficiality of today's Jewish men. I now know that the countless men who tell me how desperate they are to find a really nice girl are lying through their teeth because what they really mean is a woman who looks like a model. At my weekly Sabbath table, where I host many singles, I watch as the men immediately dismiss even the most interesting women with the warmest hearts if they lack a bombshell body.
If she's short, she's out, and if she's overweight, well, that's the kiss of death. I'll set up men with women who I know to be attractive and charming, only to have the guy call me back the next day and complain of a lack of chemistry, by which he always means, "She wasn't pretty enough." The poor woman never had a chance. Before she opened her mouth, her body did her in.
BUT WHY would we expect anything different? Superficial people seek superficial qualities, and men today are about as deep as a crack in the sidewalk. They have been given one criterion for success, money, and they use that money as a commodity to purchase a woman's chief commodity, her physical beauty. Today's religious men are trained to appreciate little else.
I know a 20-year-old Jewish girl who developed a dangerous eating disorder because her very religious parents told her that unless she lost weight the type of yeshiva student they wanted her to marry would not take her out.
But weren't Jewish men, especially Orthodox ones, supposed to be different? The nation that gave the world's Solomon's Ode to a Woman of Valor, where a woman's God-fearing qualities are what make her beautiful, have betrayed that ideal utterly. If you are a woman in the Jewish singles scene who isn't stunningly attractive, you're going to wait a long time to get married. And once you're married, you better keep your looks up, because the women who are going to be praying with you in the ladies' section spend five hours in the gym for every hour they spend in the synagogue. They're not fools. They know that their husbands are trained to appreciate muscle tone rather than piety. And don't have more than two children, even though we need as many Jewish babies as possible, because kids will make your figure go to hell and your breasts droop almost as far.
NEVER believed that I would witness a time when even marriage-minded, Orthodox men would become womanizers, giving themselves the latitude to date as many women as possible so that they can find "the best." In yeshiva I was taught one did not date a woman the way one shopped for a car. Rather, you focused on one woman completely and tried to develop a soulful connection with her without worrying about what else might be out there.
Recently, I had a young rabbinical student of marriageable age at my home. He told me he had already dated 40 girls and had not found what he was looking for. I was stunned. "Forty nice, religious girls, and not one of them was good enough for you?"
But anyone familiar with the increasingly toxic shidduch system among the ultra-Orthodox knows that what many young men are looking for is anathema to Jewish values, namely, looks, money and pedigree. Find all three and you have hit the jackpot. Find only one, or even two, and you have "to settle."
Now, no doubt, in the secular world marrying money and marrying into an important family are also important. But when religious Jews marry for materialistic and ego-driven values, they degrade a glorious spiritual tradition.
It is high time that rabbis started giving sermons from the pulpit exhorting single men in the congregation to be gentlemen and reward women for developing the traits that Judaism truly values like compassion, wisdom and goodness. While physical attraction is always important in marriage - both for men and for women - Jewish leaders must begin inspiring future husbands to judge their wives' attractiveness by considerations beyond flesh alone. For if we fail, we'll continue seeing Jewish women feeling permanently insecure about their "imperfect bodies" rather than taking pride in their generous spirits.
I think Rabbi Schmuley is basically right, but my problem is the implicit assumption: that there are goodlooking women who mostly offer looks, and more average looking women who offer more of substance.
That's a false dichotomy. There are many goodlooking women who are of substance. I see both men and women make this assumption, and I just never saw it that way.
Oh oh, wagglebee, no more 'glue factory' pictures for you!!
Well, most of the Latinas I see here in CA that especially look mostly Native Indian tend to be obese, or young with lots of overweight handles already and so on.
Latinas especially with babies in this state tend to be outright fat.
It seems they almost think once they either feel they have hooked a guy or had a baby that she should turn right away into her 40 pound overweight mother.
I don't think that can be healthy, but that is what appears to be happening here in CA that I do see.
It's not like it's cold here and they need the flab.
Maybe it's all the lard?
Mr. Legs has gone near vegetarian for me, and I like to think I can see improvements. :-)
grey=gray
Both are legitmate spellings of the word. It's one of those funny ones that way.
Feminism is like Unions. They are really not needed in their current form.
Not unless she's converted. She was raised Episcopalian.
"The only hope a woman has is finding a man who knows enough about evolutionary psychology to despise his own genetic programming."
Crap.
Same here but I've noticed most Wally World shoppers here in nashville tend to be obese...not just fat....regardless of race or ethnicity except Chinese.
it's DNA, eating habits and self esteem and discipline....lots of things...squatty mayans and aztecs are more likely to chunk out than the average person...plus a heavy starch diet
Somalis, Ethiopians and Highland Kenyans and Tanzanians and Tutsis are more likely to be thinner given their structure too.
WOW...Sounds like propaganda from woman hating menists.
My understanding of native diet is really native, like before white man native; no refined anything and probably no wheat.
Feminism has harmed women far more than helped them....at least here anyhow.
American women...even most slave women...rarely had it as bad as say taliban women. Our Judeo-Christian culture ...flawed as it is...has rarely tolerated the abuse of women on a level common in other cultures
People have been railing about how thin she is for a long time. She appears to be a very quick minded and could possibly be hyper. That in itself, could make her go either way, fat or skinny. I think she has natural beauty, and mainly what's in her heart is what counts. what makes her detractors angry, is Ann calls it like it is. I've seen her get backed into a corner a few times, but in most exchanges, she beats the crap out of a DemoRat debater.
quite right
Sorry that it hurt, odds are she did it on purpose to be hurtful. But it really shouldn't bother you. Wish her the best and hope she finds what she is looking for. I know many women who qualify men on all sorts of things. It's no big deal, really. There's enough people out there for everyone.
The irony is a few months ago I saw a picture of her and her fiance. He is around 5'2 and could stand to lose 50lbs.
That happens. It's not so much that the guy wasn't 'sweet, dashing, and built like a man,' it's that when she was with him, she felt like she was with a man who was 'sweet, dashing, and built like a man.' The fact that he is or isn't any of the above isn't so important - it's that feeling she gets excited by and responded to.
People tend to get what they deserve. I tend to think that's a good thing.
There were no fat people coming out of the POW camps in WW2.
Eat a lot, gain weight.
Mmmm, bunuelos.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.