Posted on 03/09/2006 5:16:12 PM PST by SJackson
A funny thing happened to me the other day when my wife and I had, thank God, another baby (a boy). Many of my friends didn’t seem all that happy for me. Sure, they went through the motions of smiles and congratulations. But it was evident that many thought me insane. Why would a young man and his wife ruin their lives with eight children? Who could afford the day-school bills? Didn’t we want to live life a little, and not just be burdened with kids?
It got downright surreal when a European film company pressed me, while my wife was in labor, to finish shooting a segment that had an urgent deadline (I obviously told them they were insane). The next day I was mildly criticized by a Jewish organization I was scheduled to address – because I had to cancel my appearance when I realized the lecture would clash with the baby’s bris.
I don’t mind that the world doesn’t really love babies. I do mind that it pretends to. It’s time we got honest about our priorities. Most people get a new car every two or three years, but one or two babies through the life of a marriage is plenty. You can get drunk on an airplane, laugh hysterically with your mates, and still not really anger people. But if you dare bring a crying baby on board you will be given malicious looks, as if the little thing is a package that ticks.
If you walk your dog along the street, people will stop you to tell you how cute he is. But walking down the street with a baby? You might run into a cooing woman or two, but for the most part you’ll be utterly ignored.
Indeed, the contempt shown to parents who have many children is the last acceptable prejudice in our society. As a father of a large family, I find myself apologizing wherever I go, as if I’ve committed a crime. The frequent and loaded stares from scornful onlookers imply that the famine in Africa was caused by my selfish insistence on overpopulating the earth. Long ago my wife and I discovered that few hotels were prepared to accommodate so many children, even if we took three of four rooms – which is why we bought an RV for travel.
How strange to live in a world where loving children casts one in infamy. Having a family with many children implies a backwardness and primitivism that is deemed unbecoming in the developed countries of the West. Large families, it is thought, exist only among religious weirdoes or the teeming hovels of the Third World. Rich countries, by contrast, prefer to increase their standard of living rather than the number of the living.
Looking at Western birth rates for the year 2001, the United States averaged only 14.2 births for every thousand Americans, and the birthrate among white Americans is so low that the United States will soon lose its white majority. Indeed, one can go for days in Manhattan without encountering a single pregnant woman.
Hence the high birth rates of extremely poor African nations like Uganda, at 47.52 births per 1,000, or Niger with 50.68 births per 1,000, are deemed to be prime causes and indicators of their penury. The abundant fertility of these countries confirms the unspoken Western view of these country’s inhabitants as being just one step above savages. Contraception becomes a synonym for civilization.
A Christian mother of six once wrote to me: "I find it troubling to worry about getting pregnant again... because I don’t want to face the criticism of friends and family. Why do people not see children as a blessing?" A fair question that deserves a fair response.
Why is it that even many synagogues today are not children-friendly? Why are people impressed that Jay Leno owns twenty motorcycles but disgusted that some religious families choose to have ten children?
Let’s not finesse the response. We all know why. A world that has lost its innocence has trouble appreciating beings that are innocent. A world that has become selfish has soured to the idea of leading a life of selflessness. A world that has become grossly materialistic is turned off to the idea of more dependents who consume resources. And a world that mistakenly believes that freedom means a lack of responsibility is opposed to the idea of needy creatures who "tie you down."
The world can go fly a kite.
By just looking at my children I become more innocent. By loving them I become more noble. By spending more money on them than I spend on myself I find transcendence. And by being a father and liberating all of the love in my heart, my spirit soars free. I work hard to support a large family and I give up no pleasures in doing so because my children are my foremost pleasure.
I am often asked by women how they can tell whether the men they are dating are marriage material. I tell them, "See if he enjoys children." A man who loves children is playful. He will spend his life joking with his wife because he loves to see her laugh, and will flirt with her because he loves to see her smile.
There was a time when husbands and wives worked hard to ensure that they could afford the blessings of a large family. Today, the higher your earning bracket the fewer children you have. But then we always knew that many people turn money from a blessing into a curse.
Before he died, the Lubavitcher Rebbe launched a campaign asking parents to have one more child than they originally planned. It is a campaign that a dwindling Jewish community should revive as it continues to disappear.
stop at 12? Wow, can't have that dirty dozen:).
Amen breddah...
Babies are a blessing .....this rabbi is WRONG !
He's got rabbies.
Hey wardude. Nice to see you.
when people showed shock and amazement at my 5 kids under 6 yrs old......I would just reply.....I see double{have double vision} and I produce double{2 sets of twins!}.............
I had 5 kids in 6 1/2 years. No twins but do have Irish twins, 11 mo. apart. And it was so easy to raise them yet the cost of cars and education including professional schools did stretch our resources. It's been fun.
Stop it, you! Man, is Jake ever CUTE! Those eyes! :)
My 18 year old just left for college this fall. *SOB* But I'm very lucky to have 14 younger nieces and nephews to continue to play "Auntie Mame" with. (Mine is the second oldest of the Cousins/Grandkids.)
People that don't have big famlies miss out on a lot. I only have one sister, but I married into a family of 12 siblings. Their kids range in age from 19 down to a 1 year old.
Never a dull moment, always a Birthday Party or a Christening or First Communion or Piano Recital or a High School Graduation to attend. In a few more years the older ones will be wanting to marry so there are many, many wedding dances ahead of me. I am truly blessed. :)
And amazingly, every parent can manage to feed, clothe and house these children with no help from the Government. Go figure. *Rolleyes*
She won't live that long if I have to work with her much longer! ;)
Bump for later read.
May I quote you, that is a beautiful statement, I would love to share it.
Ping
The best is yet to come---being a Grandma is the greatest!
Awww, what a cutie with his blue-button eyes! < :D
I had only one sibling, too. But my father was from a family of 8 kids, and my mother from a family of 6 kids, and with all the aunts and uncles and cousins, we had a very large extended family that was very close growing up.
thanks Moog...same to ya
I think you hit the nail on the head. I come from a big family and know they are a wonderful thing. I also know from experience how unbelievably rude and busybodyish people can be about things that are none of their business (such as the size of someone else's family).
On the other hand, I have found myself having to bite my own tongue when told by someone they want to have 10 kids when they have depended on public help to pay the healthcare costs of their family since before they had their first child. It is one thing to have a misfortune happen that throws you, big family or not, onto public assistance for a time. It is quite another to expect others to subsidize the family you want to have. When you expect others to pay your way, you make it their business. I think we are now in such a sad state of affairs that perfect strangers just assume that all large families are dependent on public assistance.
I have also seen other cases where couples seriously jeopardize the mother's physical and mental health in pursuit of a large family. I think such instances unfortunately add to the stigma many people feel toward large families.
Certainly; thanks.
Read his point again please. I think you may have misunderstood.
Looking at Western birth rates for the year 2001, the United States averaged only 14.2 births for every thousand Americans, and the birthrate among white Americans is so low that the United States will soon lose its white majority. Indeed, one can go for days in Manhattan without encountering a single pregnant woman.Hence the high birth rates of extremely poor African nations like Uganda, at 47.52 births per 1,000, or Niger with 50.68 births per 1,000, are deemed to be prime causes and indicators of their penury. The abundant fertility of these countries confirms the unspoken Western view of these country’s inhabitants as being just one step above savages. Contraception becomes a synonym for civilization.
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