My Choice (moral relativism gone mad)

Hartford Courant ^ | 2/19/2006 | Rev. Donna Shaper

[Neville72]

My Choice

Minister's abortion two decades ago was a difficult decision that still resonates with a sense of loss - but it was a mature choice and the right one

By The Rev. Donna Schaper

I am a 58-year-old white woman. I had an abortion 19 years ago. I am not bragging, nor am I apologizing.

I am a mother of three children in their 20s, and I am an ordained Christian minister. I had one child and then twins. Having twins the second time caused me my great good fortune of having three children in diapers. While nursing the twins, I did not think I needed birth control. I was wrong.

When I got pregnant with the child I call "Alma," which means soul, I was not interested in a fourth child. I chose, with some searching, to exercise my constitutional right and ended her birth.

Why do I tell my story now? Because I fear that abortion rights may become even more restricted than they already are. I also find the very intimidation that I experience in telling my story to be the reason I must speak. Why would I be afraid? Because anti-abortion people like to punish people into their version of morality. Plus my editor warned me to expect a lot of heat. Should that fear replace free speech? I think not.

I did what was right for me, for my family, for my work, for my husband and for my three children. I happen to agree that abortion is a form of murder. I think the quarrel about when life begins is disrespectful to the fetus. I know I murdered the life within me. I could have loved that life but chose not to.

I did what I think men do all the time when they take us to war: They choose violence because, although they believe it is bad, it is still better than the alternatives. The "just war" theory assumes that human beings get caught in terrible choices all the time. This freedom is not just for men; it is for women also.

When I made my choice to end one life on behalf of other life, I was terribly troubled. I was in a double bind. I prayed and anguished. Then I made a choice. Adults make choices.

I have long thought that the drama of the abortion battle was not about unborn babies at all. Instead, it is about women and sex and about women and maturity. We are considered babies, sub-adults, in need of supervision over our sexuality. Otherwise we are dangerous. The virgin/whore debates come to mind.

When I made my choice to end life, I was behaving as an adult. I did not shrink from the responsibility of making a choice. I did not ask someone else to make it for me. And I certainly did not request my government's help in my bedroom. Instead, I behaved as an adult who is also a sexual being. Things happen sexually between people that are not always controllable. The unprotected sex I had with my husband while nursing our twins had a consequence that neither of us desired. It was a human life. That's why we named her, wept for her, wanted her but also knew we did not want her enough.

Because women are mature sexual beings who make choices, birth control and abortion are positive moral forces in history. They allow sex to be both procreational and recreational, for men and for women. That is good news, even though most of the world doesn't know it yet. In Africa, for example, too many men assume the freedom to have unprotected sex with women, giving them AIDS and heartbreak. What does our so-called pro-life government recommend? Abstinence! Such a recommendation is immoral to its core.

Obviously, protected sex is the most moral thing of all. Unprotected sex is adolescent, immature, sometimes life-threatening and always stupid. Women are mature enough to handle that. We are not babies. Sometimes, in the battle over killing our babies, I hear the echo of people wanting to kill women's maturity and sexuality. I don't like it. That's why I am breaking my silence about who I am.

I am a 58-year-old sexual, mature woman. That's who I am. I had an abortion. I am not bragging and I am not apologizing.

Abortion that is legal, safe and rare is the best policy conceivable for men and women and for mature, moral sexuality.

The Rev. Donna Schaper is senior minister of Judson Memorial Church in Manhattan.

[twin2]

A similar thing happened to my mother. She had a newborn and one-year old twins. She got pregnant again....and had another set of twins. Try five kids (all in diapers) in 27 months.

Never once did she think that killing us was an option. God Bless her.

[oldbrowser]

Because women are mature sexual beings who make choices, birth control and abortion are positive moral forces in history. They allow sex to be both procreational and recreational, for men and for women. .......snip....................................................... What does our so-called pro-life government recommend? Abstinence! Such a recommendation is immoral to its core.

This reverend is throwing this word "morality" around rather loosely.

[PigRigger]

My friend has checked into organizations such as those you suggest but he says that his wife's sense of shame is so great that she can't bring herself to discuss it with anyone except those very few closest to her.....

This may seem naive, but I'll ask anyway...Has anyone explained to this women that she is forgiven?

As a Christian we believe there is no sin that cannot be forgiven if we beseech God with an open, humble and repentant heart.

Every sin is an abomination in God's eyes, not one of us is worthy of salvation relying upon our own merits. Forgiveness through Christ washes all our sins away, no matter the heinous nature of each act.

What your friend holds on to is the guilt; I pray she accepts the peace and forgiveness that is hers through Christ.

[little jeremiah]

"I did what was right for me, for my family, for my work, for my husband and for my three children."

Moral relativism leads to slaughter. There it is, in black and white.

What about "Alma"? Was killing her right for her?

[AppyPappy]

"but also knew we did not want her enough"

Let's hope your kids don't feel that way when you get old.

"Well, we really didn't want mom anymore so we had the doctor kill her. Boy, she really put up a fight. I guess we should have waited until after her bridge game was over but I had to get to the gym".

[Frank_2001]

Exactly!

[conservatrice]

Basically, it's a leftist activist organization that calls itself a "church" and twists the gospel message to fit their agenda.

I have a difficult time not being angry with God for giving babies to people like her when I have a lot of trouble getting and staying pregnant. This world is sick.

[cgk]

Pro-Life/Pro-Baby ping!

Please FReepmail me if you would like to be added to, or removed from, the Pro-Life/Pro-Baby ping list...

[cgk]

Thanks for the ping... though it is the stories like this one that make me ask God's forgiveness for all of us. I haven't read the whole thread but I imagine the usual suspects are here using this soulless woman's statement as proof that all the studies showing women are hurt by abortion are false.

[cgk]

While nursing the twins, I did not think I needed birth control. I was wrong.

(snip)

The unprotected sex I had with my husband while nursing our twins had a consequence that neither of us desired. It was a human life.

She holds up the woman's badge of nursing her children as the cause of her "choice." .. "See... I was NURSING so it was okay that I had to CHOOSE to murder my child."

That's why we named her, wept for her, wanted her but also knew we did not want her enough.

"I want a baby... just not now"... falls under "mental health" according to most abortionists who actually tell why their patients abort their babies.

[RBroadfoot]

"Why do I tell my story now? "

I think the real reason is that she wants attention.

Her comrades at Judson Memorial Church will applaud her "bravery" in coming out. The murder confession probably won't be well received by some because it doesn't conform to the polite language used to discuss abortion. But, now that is known that she, too, has celebrated the highest sacrament of their faith, voluntary abortion, they will readily forgive her for impolitic use of language.

She'll relish the attention from the anti-abortion crowd as well. The article is appalling to anyone with a modicum of decency, and some misguided souls will certainly feel compelled to send her hate mail. That's too bad because she will then feel entitled to victimhood status, which I am sure she will treasure. The responses to this outrageous article are probably going to be source material for months of sermons.

Personally, I'm not in either camp; I just read the incoherent ramblings of a pathetic reprobate who is incapable of discerning between good and evil. It is a sad day for organized religion, however, that an ordained minister confesses to murder, admits no shame, and argues that it is ethical choice.

[gogeo]

Great find.

I did what was right for me, for my family, for my work, for my husband and for my three children. I happen to agree that abortion is a form of murder. I think the quarrel about when life begins is disrespectful to the fetus.

All that confusion, distilled into three sentences. Bless the poor innocent congregants who accidentally stumble into this Lucifer's pit.

[gogeo]

Minister's abortion two decades ago was a difficult decision that still resonates with a sense of loss - but it was a mature choice and the right one...

I tend to discount self-serving statements.

[Irene Adler]

"... it's a UCC church..."

Believe it's an American Baptist Church USA per its WEBpage. I know there are several Baptist associations in the U.S. and the world. Not being a Baptist, I don't know enough to discern the differences among them.

[Irene Adler]

"I just read the incoherent ramblings of a pathetic reprobate who is incapable of discerning between good and evil. It is a sad day for organized religion, however, that an ordained minister confesses to murder, admits no shame, and argues that it is ethical choice."

Thank you Peter Singer and Princeton University (that's who hired him, isnt' it?), among others, of course.

[Lorianne]

When I got pregnant with the child I call "Alma," which means soul, I was not interested in a fourth child. She was not legally required to keep Alma. She could have given her up for adoption and still had the family size she wanted. Do not let this lie go unchallenged. The lie repeated over and over again is that the mother (or parents) did not want a child at that time. But they are not required to keep an raise the child! This line of argument is a blatant lie.

[gogeo]

This is a looney church.

[Prov3456]

As I read and re-read your post, I weep for her. May God direct her to someone who can help her deal with her pain.

[RichInOC]

Mmmm...ya think?

:-D )))

[Godzilla]

I chose, with some searching, to exercise my constitutional right and ended her birth.

Although the constitution is a wonderful document, she fail (and failed miserably) to consult the proper document - the Bible.