A Few of FR's Finest...Every Day...02-16-06...VP Guns Down Moderate Republican (Satire)

Chris Davis | February 16, 2006 | Chris Davis, Writer33; DollyCali

[DollyCali]

A Few of FR's Finest....Every Day

Free Republic made its debut in September, 1996, and the forum was added in early 1997.   Over 100,000 people have registered for posting privileges on Free Republic, and the forum is read daily by tens of thousands of concerned citizens and patriots from all around the country and the world.

A Few of FR's Finest....Every Day was introduced on June 24, 2002. It's only a small room in JimRob's house where we can get to know one another a little better; salute and support our military and our leaders; pray for those in need; and congratulate those deserving. We strive to keep our threads entertaining, fun, and pleasing to look at, and often have guest writers contribute an essay, or a profile of another FReeper.

On Mondays please visit us to see photos of A FEW OF FR'S VETERANS AND ACTIVE MILITARY

If you have a suggestion, or an idea, or if there's a FReeper you would like to see featured, please drop one of us a note in FR mail.

We're having fun and hope you are!
~ Billie, dutchess, dollycali; godblessusa ~

Vice President Guns Down
Moderate Republican (Satire)
by Writer33

Washington—In what is sure to bring the White House crumbling down, Vice President Dick Cheney shot a fellow hunter—a moderate Republican and lawyer—claiming it to be a hunting accident and hiding the atrocity for 24 hours before press secretary, Scott McClellan held a press conference.

The accident happened about 5:30 p.m. on a private ranch about 200 miles south of San Antonio, where the vice president has hunted previously. Whittington was treated incognito on the scene by Cheney’s traveling medical detail before being taken by helicopter to the hospital. This allowed Vice President Cheney more time in coming up with a story, as well as prepare President Bush for a possible response.

The responses from the White House were slow in coming, considering President Bush knew what happened the night of the accident and failed to report it to the White House press corps. The egregious error has put the spotlight on Vice President Cheney, President Bush and the lack of any disseminating of information.

The public perception of Cheney’s secretiveness and high and mighty attitude has been heightened by these recent episodes. The hunting accident also has exposed certain disarray and utter incompetence within the Bush administration. The mainstream media—in their efforts to save the world—are calling for Vice President Cheney’s resignation and impeachment of President Bush, leaving the frail Whittington to waste away in the hospital.

The poor, moderate victim, Harry Whittington, 78, reportedly took pellets in his cheek, neck and chest during Vice President Cheney’s vicious attack while claiming he aimed for a bird during a hunt in southern Texas on Saturday. Mr. Whittington was pronounced in stable condition at a Corpus Christi hospital, surviving the onslaught of the merciless shooting, but recently suffered a heart attack after one of Cheney’s pellets moved to his heart.

All seemed well on the surface, but Mr. Whittington claimed that conversations came up involving tax increases to pay for Bush’s war as well as finding no weapons of mass destruction or any links to al-Qaeda in Iraq. Some of the other topics, he noted, were issues on Bush’s illegal wire tapping of innocent civilians, including an adamant stand on moderate behavior and a need for a move to the center for the Republican Party.

Mr. Harry Whittington

“I went to the bathroom and came back,” whimpered Harry Whittington, a Republican lawyer. “The next thing you know I see Vice President Cheney blasting away with an evil glare in his eye. It was horrific! All I could do was yell ‘help, extremist!’ America needs more moderation. Just look at what we have now!”

Whittington was moved out of intensive care on Monday afternoon but Peter Banko, administrator of Christus Spohn Hospital, indicated that he didn’t know when he would be discharged, especially considering recent events and that “Mr. Whittington was lucky to have come back from the hunting trip alive with the party of Genghis Khan.”

“I’ve never seen anything like this,” claimed Peter Banko. “This is just one of the most extreme, brutal attacks I’ve ever seen in all my years as a hospital administrator. It’s just like a hardcore, conservative animal to unleash his wrath on an innocent moderate like Mr. Whittington. I want charges filed now! We’ve got to bring down the terror in the White House!”

“You can’t tell me, an experienced hunter,” noted Sen. John Kerry,” D-MA, “that Vice President Cheney couldn’t see the man while wearing the blaze orange cap and vest. It’s absurd to believe anything otherwise. If they’re not wire tapping your phone, then they’re shooting members of their own party to keep them quiet. I think it’s time for hearings.”

“I’m in agreement with Senator Kerry,” stated Sen. Ted Kennedy, D-MA. “This accident could’ve cost the man the loss of his sight, or even worse, the loss of his life. I think it’s a bit hypocritical of this administration to say that they want to protect Americans and then go around shooting them.”

“I am so ashamed of this party,” cried Sen. Susan Collins, R-ME. “I just wish they could learn to use a little moderation once in a while. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it!”

“I am sick and tired of those that say that disagreeing with this administration is wrong,” shouted Sen. Hillary Clinton, D-NY. “It is our right as Americans to question authority, especially when they shoot moderate Americans and withhold the information for 24 hours. It’s time that we repealed the Second Amendment and ban hunting in America all together!”

“I think the press is just a pack of hyenas out for blood,” quipped Scott McClellan, White House spokesman. “They’re over reacting and completely missing the point. The point is that the Vice President was aiming center mass. It was a great shot!”

` “This administration is the most secretive administration in modern history,” stated Harry Reid, D-NV. “The vice president accidentally shoots someone—albeit a lawyer—and then keeps that a secret for nearly a day. I don’t even recognize America anymore. This White House has got to go now!”

The lack of disseminating information just may be the straw that broke the proverbial White House’s back, ending in shackles for Vice President Cheney and President Bush. There was a time when conservative Americans could always count on a Republican that couldn’t pull the trigger, but by shooting a moderate Republican, Vice President Cheney has staked a claim on the Republican Party, the Second Amendment and gun control.

Chris Davis
Writer33

12-28-05 ~ Hall of Fame #14

THIS WEEK'S THREADS 02-13-06 Military Monday 02-14-06 Valentine's Day at the Finest 02-15-06 Pets and Friends

Opinions by our own 'King of Ping' Every Thursday at the Finest The guy's good, folks!

[Beth528]

I love it!!!LOL!

[demkicker]

That's a hoot!

[DollyCali]

I am experimenting with various ways to save things. For you it would be good to have your basic HTML for frame.. You have the gold & the larger white interior & then the focus color more towards the exterior.

then under a set of lines

Line one the url for pix
Line two the url for the background that is the color in the main frame that you use. It is always complimentary to the colors you have in flowers.. would just save time

I separate my things w/ a @ symbol.

You then would have maybe dozens of combos (could even paste graphic of pix so you remember). Does what I am explaining even make sense? When one knows what they mean it is often hard to explain

Just an idea. You have posted the past few weeks some lovely ones.. could go thru the threads & find them & easily adapt this system.

I have done that with my logos now. Much easier to find in wp document for me

[DollyCali]

When I started doing graphics (before FRee Republic was in my life)..my mentor for pix told me to always sign things..At that point my signature was DolPix... since FR it is DollyPix2006 (or whatever year).. I worked with a friend John & when we collaborated it was JohnDolPix

it is funny that over the years things will come to me from "wherever" ..and my work is there!

[ST.LOUIE1]

Very pretty, ((((Meggsie)))).

I like the table, clean lines. : )

[wagglebee]

Come on Chris, if you're gonna do the crime you've gotta do the time.

He shot a guy and now he needs to be punished!

/sarcasm off

[DollyCali]

"borrowed" from my sweet FReeper buddy Prairie

[DollyCali]

[indcons]

Good morning, Dolly. How are you doing today?

[demkicker]

[MEG33]

LOL..Good morning((((Wolfie)))).

[DollyCali]

I am doing very well considering all going on in my life. Do you have some favorite "incident" graphics or humor?

here is one I found:

@@@

Press Release

The Texas Parks and Wildlife Department issued a statement today saying Vice President Cheney broke no law by shooting a lawyer instead of a quail over the weekend. A spokesman noted that lawyers are not considered game creatures, and are thus not subject to season limitations or bag limit. It was further noted that lawyer hunting was encouraged as the state is overrun with the pesky creatures. A local food critic said contrary to rumor lawyers do not taste like chicken, but rather like bovine dung which is a major component of their composition.

[MEG33]

Perfect..

[DollyCali]

Bill to Regulate the Hunting and Harvesting of Attorneys

370.01 Any person with a valid in-state rodent or snake hunting license may also hunt and harvest attorneys for recreational and sport (non-commercial) purposes.

370.02 Taking of attorneys with traps or deadfalls is permitted. The use of United States currency as bait, however, is prohibited.

370.03 Stuffed or mounted attorneys must have a state health department inspection for rabies, and vermin.

370.04 The willful killing of attorneys with a motor vehicle is prohibited, unless such vehicle is an ambulance being driven in reverse. If an attorney is accidentally struck by a motor vehicle, the dead attorney should be removed to the roadside, and the vehicle should proceed immediately to the nearest car wash.

370.05 It is unlawful to chase, herd or harvest attorneys from a power boat, helicopter or aircraft.

370.06 It is unlawful to shout, "WHIPLASH", "AMBULANCE", or "FREE SCOTCH" for the purposes of trapping attorneys.

370.07 It is unlawful to hunt attorneys within 100 yards of BMW, Mercedes or Porsche dealerships, except on Wednesday afternoon.

370.08 It is unlawful to hunt attorneys within 200 yards of courtrooms, law libraries, health clubs, country clubs, hospitals or brothels.

370.09 If an attorney gains elective office, it is not necessary to have a license to hunt, trap or possess the same.

370.10 It is unlawful for a hunter to wear a disguise as a reporter, drugdealer, pimp, female legal clerk, sheep, accident victim, bookie, physician, chiropractor or tax accountant for the purpose of hunting attorneys.

370.11 Bag and Possession Limits per day:
Yellow-bellied sidewinders, 2;
Two-faced tortfeasors, 1;
Back-stabbing divorce litigators, 3;
Horn-rimmed cut-throats, 2;
Minutiae-advocating dirtbags, 4.
Honest attorneys protected (Endangered Species Act).

[indcons]

Glad to know you are doing well, Dolly.

BTW, that "press release" was just perfect....still laughing here.....LOL.

[DollyCali]

from the Tony Snow Live Thread:

To: maggief

LOL ! If you only read DU, one would think that the VP was having "wild monkey sex", drunk,and firing at any moving object!

138 posted on 02/16/2006 9:39:10 AM EST by tiredoflaundry (I'll admit it , I'm a Snow Flake !(Snoq) The rest of my tagline redacted by court order.)

[tiredoflaundry]

;-)

[DollyCali]

Need to leave in a bit but here is one more. I am having lunch with two Zonta Sisters... then a pooch walk...(guess I will break out w/singing in the rain?)

@@@

Top Ten Dick Cheney Excuses


10. "Heart palpitation caused trigger finger to spasm"

9. "Wanted to get the Iraq mess off the front page"

8. "Not enough Jim Beam"

7. "Trying to stop the spread of bird flu"

6. "I love to shoot people"

5. "Guy was making cracks about my lesbian daughter"

4. "I thought the guy was trying to go 'gay cowboy' on me"

3. "Excuse? I hit him, didn't I?"

2. "Until Democrats approve medicare reform, we have to make some tough choices for the elderly"

1. "Made a bet with Gretzky's wife"

[DollyCali]

give credit where (genius) credit is due.

:-)....backatcha!

[DollyCali]