Posted on 02/15/2006 5:51:53 PM PST by qam1
By the time Donna Peterson's three children are grown, her estate will be worth $5 million.
The kids -- now 5, 8 and 16 -- can cash in on the family assets when they turn 30. But there is a catch -- each must sign a prenuptial agreement before saying "I do."
No prenup means no money until their 55th birthdays, says the Chelmsford resident.
"I'm not saying they're going to make a bad choice, but it happens," explains the 45-year-old, who has been happily married for 17 years without a prenup. "At 21, with puppy love, who knows how you're going to feel about the person 10 years down the road? We have to protect what we've earned."
Demands like Peterson's are climbing in the Massachusetts Probate and Family Court, where Middlesex County Register John Buonomo estimates 5 percent of all newlyweds in the Bay State are signing prenups before exchanging vows.
Figures from the register's office show the number of divorces declining by more than 2,600 since 2001, and prenuptial agreements steadily increasing by nearly 13 percent.
Reasons for prenups vary, but Buonomo believes two trends are driving the demand: age and women's professions.
"In the five years I've been register, I've noticed a considerable increase in prenuptial agreements," Buonomo says. "People are living longer, and they want to protect their assets. And more women are bringing up the discussion.
"Women have moved up the socio-economic ladder. They're partners in law firms, doctors and professors, and they want to secure their investments."
Boston lawyer Marty Kane, who represents residents in Greater Lowell, says 25 percent of all his clients' prenups stem from Generation X -- those ages 30 to 40 -- compared to less than 5 percent for older generations.
Generation X, adds Kane, is a guiding force in the rising tide of financial pacts.
"There are a lot of people in this age group that made a ton of money during the peak of the dot-com era," Kane says. "It's this generation that's putting prenups together."
Another push is coming from Generation Xers' baby-boomer parents.
"There's more acceptance of prenups today in general," Kane says. "Parents work very hard to leave a cushion for kids to fall back on. Sometimes you find the push for the prenup isn't necessarily the party getting married, but from the parents who forked over the dough."
That's where the Donna Peterson comes in.
Her oldest son, who is 16, is destined to become the first beneficiary of the family fortune.
There is a Catch-22. Peterson's son has no idea that a prenuptial agreement is in his future if he wants to collect his inheritance.
"He can use his parents as a scapegoat if he has to," says Peterson. "If he's really in love, it shouldn't matter. If it sours the relationship, he can move onward and upward."
Kane says mentioning the word prenup can lead to "one of the most difficult conversations two people can have."
He recalled a personal friend who waited to "drop the bomb" the day before his wedding.
"He was nervous, thinking his bride-to-be might call the wedding off," Kane says. "I wouldn't recommend leaving the discussion for the last minute like he did. But she still agreed to marry him."
Buonomo suspects prenups are increasing because younger people marrying are staying together for shorter periods of time. If a person has valuable assets going into a marriage -- a house, a car, jewelry or cash savings -- he wants to be sure to keep them in case married life is no longer blissful.
"Last week, I saw a woman in her late 30s who was going through her third divorce," says Buonomo. "People fall in love, love is bliss, then all of a sudden, it's not working out, and it's let's get out fast."
His theory?
"Short engagements lead to short marriages," Buonomo says. "There is an important part of marriage and it's called engagement. If people put more time into that, we'd see less divorces, and maybe less prenups."
I don't think I could sign a prenup on this principle:
Marriage, to me, is about love and companionship. It's about wanting to grow old with someone, and sharing everything good bad or indifferent.
It's also about taking a chance. There ain't a damn thing practical, logical or rational about love; to introduce a prenup is just flawed logic in my humble opinion.
That said - I am a young woman with ambition and drive, and I pay my own way when it comes to myself and the things I want/need. I also have a very chivalrous boyfriend, and I rather like it when he opens the door for me and gives me his sweater when I'm cold (in other words, I'm not an ultra-liberated feminist). If we decide to take our relationship to the highest level, well I still intend to be me... financially independent so that I can still go out and do the things I like to. But more than that, I would like to contribute to the costs of living.
If something were to happen, and we parted ways... well I would just leave. I wouldn't want his money or his things, I would just like to move on.
I know... in this day and age, prenups are the product of gold digging women who married money just for the divorce settlement, but that ain't me.
Yes, that is the key. I am fortunate to see reality ahead of time.
I don't disagree with your statement about the "Life extension Industry", however there is a new industry that is just as bad. "Forced Exit", which also has to do with money.
It is a very sad state of affairs, these days : (
How true, seems to be a double edge sword....
You aren't alone. I haven't been married long (this time), but I am happy, generally think a lot of men and women are good people... and this is despite a NASTY divorce and ex-husband (I have been told on FR before is my fault that he was an abusive cheater!) It didn't sour me on marriage, though. I went in without a pre-nup this time (despite making more and having more assets), because I trust my husband and that I made a better choice this time.
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