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For Mohammad, Heaven A Lonely Place
Point Five ^
| 2/9/06
Posted on 02/10/2006 6:01:01 PM PST by StoneGiant
For Mohammad, Heaven A Lonely Place
By a4g
Point Five Staff Writer @ 3:08 pm
Despite throngs of followers, few willing to join him in paradise.
Mohammad stands alone in paradise. An ill-advised prohibition against idolatry has left faithful followers unable to recognize his face.
A Point Five special report:
Part seven in the Conversations series.
HEAVEN - Theres a large sign above the gates of heaven that says, All who seek comfort are welcome here. But for Mohammad, heaven is a lonely place.
I look at Jesus, and hes surrounded with followers. A rock star. Oh Allah, what a fool I am!
Despite a population of billions of faithful, heaven has never really panned out for Mohammad.
On Thursdays, we all wait at the gate for the new arrivals. Me and Jesus and Buddha and Elijah and Vishnu the whole gang. You can always tell my followers coming up the escalator, theyre usually holding a nice little cardboard box containing their limbs, imshallah. And I say Here! Come to me my beloved children! Your Prophet awaits you! At last behold my face!
And they look at me like theyve never seen me before. And then I remember, Oh crap the idolatry thing! Oh Allah, why did I have to come up with the idolatry thing? Everybody knows what Jesus looks like.
And they say, If you are the Prophet, why do you
stand alongside these kafirs? You cannot be him. We see
another gate, where one who calls himself Prophet stands alone.
Sure enough, they see that other gate over there the one with the guy whos promising them good food and tons of sex and every earthly pleasure, and all I can say is Dont do it! Come to me and live in peace with all the souls of the world. Come see the face of the Creator! Seventy-two sweet raisins of heavenly enlightenment await you! And what do they say to me?
They say, Do not try to fool us, Shaitan. Our Mohammad was a warrior you speak of nothing but peace. Our Mohammad crushed the infidels you stand with them. Our Mohammad promised virgins you offer none.
And Im like, Who am I? Vishnu?
Vishnu, who is sitting nearby during this interview, doesnt react. He continues waiting patiently for his followers go through eons of death and rebirth on their slow climb to Brahman.
Sure enough, continues Mohammad, they always go to the other gate. Oh, sure, a few stragglers wander in the blind Imams
but, then, theyre not allowed in here anyway.
Frankly, this is getting pretty embarrassing. Buddha and Elijah just snicker whenever I walk by. Jesus offered to loan me a few of His until I could build up a bigger crowd loan
me the final Prophet a few of
His??? Even Odin is getting more traffic than me, and hes been retired for years!
Odin sniggers at this, stopping his feasting on a large lamb leg for long enough to give a large grin and greasy thumbs-up.
Did you know that L. Ron Hubbard is pulling in twice the bodies I am? says Mohammad. Excuse me? L.-F***ing-Ron Hubbard?
Why dont you just pop down and give them a few new rules? yells out Elijah, laughing and high-fiving Buddha.
Mohammad shoots back an icy glare. Like that joke hasnt gotten old during the ETERNITY Ive had to hear it. Oh, Allah why did I have to say final revealed truth?
TOPICS: Culture/Society; Foreign Affairs; Philosophy; Political Humor/Cartoons; War on Terror
KEYWORDS: heaven; islam; jihad; mohammed
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To: StoneGiant
21
posted on
02/10/2006 6:37:33 PM PST
by
Uri’el-2012
(Trust in YHvH forever, for the LORD, YHvH is the Rock eternal. (Isaiah 26:4))
To: StoneGiant
22
posted on
02/10/2006 6:38:41 PM PST
by
kokonut
To: MillerCreek
Well, Buddha doesn't believe in God and Heaven is not a destination he was familiar with, either I dunno about that...
Nirvana soumds alot like heaven to me.
23
posted on
02/10/2006 6:43:34 PM PST
by
bikepacker67
(Islam was born of Hagar the whore.)
To: calex59
Because He is Holy, the God of the universe that He created would no more let a liar in his presence than a murderer. He can not have sin in his presence. But the god that you have carved lacks the qualities of grace and forgiveness that the Holy God possesses.
Thank God that he has forgiven my sin through the completed work of Jesus Christ and that I am secure - knowing that my name is written in the book of life.
If you would like more information, feel free to post mail.
24
posted on
02/10/2006 6:48:10 PM PST
by
kinsman redeemer
(the real enemy seeks to devour what is good)
To: bikepacker67
Nirvana is not Heaven. Thus, I repeat, Buddha did not believe in Heaven. He also did not believe in God.
One true God, one Heaven. No admittance for those who do not believe, and that's what God has to say about Himself and His home.
Buddha advanced the concept of some perfect human, as in an elaborate form of humanism. Become ever so perfect as "being" (a human) and become Buddha, find oneself by losing oneself in Nirvana, a state of humanism.
There is no room here for "moral equivalency." Nirvana is not a moral nor theological, nor faith principle equivalent of Heaven.
To: MillerCreek
Oh, lighten up. It's a gag for all the syncretists who think 'all religions are true' (and moderately amusing even for those of us who know Christ is the Way, who said 'no one comes to the Father except through Me'.)
26
posted on
02/10/2006 6:48:38 PM PST
by
The_Reader_David
(And when they behead your own people in the wars which are to come, then you will know. . .)
To: XeniaSt
"Salvation in Islam" means a one way trip to Hell.
To: StoneGiant
Nice little fairy tale, but I suspect heaven is not as PC as you would suggest.
Why would the people who worship the devil, such as the Muslims, get anywhere near Heaven?
When Jesus promised eternal life to those who repented and followed him, was that optional? Are you suggesting that you could hate others, blow up women and babies, rape and destroy and STILL get eternal life? That's absurd...
Mohamed was the exact opposite of Jesus. Every thing he taught. If Jesus represents God, then the "heaven" for the Muslims would probably be what we refer to as Hell.
28
posted on
02/10/2006 6:52:06 PM PST
by
babygene
(Viable after 87 trimesters)
To: The_Reader_David
Oh, I'm light enough already. Have a nice day.
To: MillerCreek
Buddha advanced the concept of some perfect human No he didn't.
He advanced the concept of the perfect soul that wouldn't have to be imprisoned by the corporal.
In other words, an angel.
30
posted on
02/10/2006 6:55:40 PM PST
by
bikepacker67
(Islam was born of Hagar the whore.)
To: The_Reader_David
The issues are profound. Even written "lightly," they are what they are. I suppose someone could attach a Schwarzenegger sound file saying, 'I'll be back' to the comments, but, well...I don't think it'd improve the truths involved.
To: bikepacker67
Fine, believe what you will. If you ever want to save your soul, please seek Christ.
You just exhausted your own connundrum, however, given that you're writing "in other words, an angel."
Because that reveals a number of profound issues: there's no concept of Heaven to Buddha, you require "in other words" and a Judeo-Christian concept to elaborate as to what Buddha opined, and, an "angel" even in Judeo-Christian theology is not Heaven, nor is God.
Please read these words carefully and slowly: to Buddha, there was no Heaven, there was no God. His concepts are entirely humanistic. And they do not conclude in either God, nor Heaven, two concepts refuted by Buddha.
To: calex59
"G-D will not recognize people that kill other people, no matter the reason, into heaven, period"
I am not deliberately misreading your post."no matter the reason" precludes even self-defense.If you mean murder,say murder.Words have meanings. Unless you are the Mad Hatter you should use the correct word. One cannot order a burger and then become angry when it is not the fish sandwich one desires.Nor anywhere have I condoned anyone killing the innocent.
33
posted on
02/10/2006 7:00:12 PM PST
by
hoosierham
(Waddaya mean Freedom isn't free ?;will you take a creditcard?)
To: hoosierham
I did say murder. Whose post are you reading? I think you are trying to justify killing in the name of MO. Islam is a murderous cult, one that MURDERS innocent people every day. If you don't like that, tough sh**.
34
posted on
02/10/2006 7:11:27 PM PST
by
calex59
(seeing the light shouldn't make you go blind)
To: babygene
Nice little fairy tale, but I suspect heaven is not as PC as you would suggest. Why would the people who worship the devil, such as the Muslims, get anywhere near Heaven? When Jesus promised eternal life to those who repented and followed him, was that optional? Are you suggesting that you could hate others, blow up women and babies, rape and destroy and STILL get eternal life? That's absurd... Mohamed was the exact opposite of Jesus. Every thing he taught. If Jesus represents God, then the "heaven" for the Muslims would probably be what we refer to as Hell.Good one babygene! Remember that Christ also said..."I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me." John 14:6. I don't see mohammad mentioned as an alternate route.
35
posted on
02/10/2006 7:12:39 PM PST
by
yama85
To: hoosierham
Bingo on that stuff. Translators have added and subtracted from the Bible with liberty over the years.
The biggest inconsistency is where Jesus talks about rendering unto Caesar what is his. Paul has a big thing about "gummints" being ordained of God. HORSE MANURE! That stuff was added later by kings and churchmen who wanted to keep the masses subdued, and neither quite jive, to put it mildly, with Jesus beating the moneychangers' backsides out of the Temple.
36
posted on
02/10/2006 7:14:01 PM PST
by
308MBR
(If fools were objective in their viewpoints, they wouldn't be fools.)
To: StoneGiant
"Heaven? Whatever gave you the idea you were in heaven, Mr. Mohammad? This is the other place! Hahahahahahaha..."
37
posted on
02/10/2006 7:35:59 PM PST
by
RichInOC
(...Sebastian Cabot, R.I.P.)
To: 308MBR
Which parts of Rom 13 were added? Evidence?
38
posted on
02/10/2006 7:40:25 PM PST
by
kinsman redeemer
(the real enemy seeks to devour what is good)
To: calex59
I quoted YOUR post #2 ;you are the one with a problem comprehending the language.
I've shown your misuse of words,now you show me any post where I condone Muslims murdering anyone.
I will let them worship a dead rock as long as they don't force anyone else to. God allows us freewill to reject Him.
39
posted on
02/10/2006 7:43:47 PM PST
by
hoosierham
(Waddaya mean Freedom isn't free ?;will you take a creditcard?)
To: kinsman redeemer
The evidence is the inconsistency with Jesus' life. He rebelled against Jewish law. He physically assaulted people who were sinning in the temple. Furthermore, if Paul was such a law and order person, why was he constantly in the jailhouse? Jesus, the disciples and the apostles were ALL law breakers. That's why not many died of old age.
In an answer to your question, I would say Paul's beginning of the chapter starts at verse eight. The style of writing seems to change as well.
40
posted on
02/10/2006 7:48:54 PM PST
by
308MBR
(If fools were objective in their viewpoints, they wouldn't be fools.)
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