Posted on 01/15/2006 4:55:00 AM PST by Excuse_My_Bellicosity
She mops up spilled juice with your favorite T-shirt, and then she makes you go shopping in the pouring rain. Let's face it, she's the wife from hell--but you still love her.
Sound familiar?
It should. This "mean wife, happy marriage" scenario has become a fad. When one man in a similar relationship began writing a blog about his experiences with his nasty wife, his account struck such a chord with readers that it's now been turned into a book and a TV drama series. He and his wife, it seems, are far from the only ones whose relationship thrives on the wife's selfishness--as 34-year-old Mina would no doubt agree.
Mina (not her real name) does Internet-related work at home and has been married to her 42-year-old husband for 12 years. "Why don't you ever wave goodbye to me anymore? Why don't we ever talk anymore?" she asked him one day.
"Actually, I'm the one who stopped waving goodbye," she admits with a laugh. And the reason they've stopped talking is because Mina's become deeply involved with her daughter's extracurricular activities.
But Mina was the one who began feeling angry. To let out her frustrations she began to use her hubby as a metaphorical punching bag. "When I take it out on my husband, I feel much better and forget what I got so wound up about," she says.
As Mina became busier, the house got messy and she cut down on the time she spent cooking. But her husband never complains. "He knows I would just tell him off if he did," she says.
After patiently letting Mina get things off her chest, the husband once said: "Pretend you've been tricked into cleaning the house. You'll calm down a bit." She did. When she cleaned the house and saw how nice it looked, her frustrations went away.
"He actually analyzes me very objectively," Mina says.
For all her flaws, the two behave like a couple in love. On weekends, they shop together or watch their son's baseball games. On birthdays, they buy each other presents.
Masanori (not his real name) is another man happy with his wife, even though he says his friends think she's mean. The 34-year-old Tokyo-based designer has been married for three years. When he told his 32-year-old wife, who works with him, that he wanted to buy a new computer for work, she insisted they buy a refrigerator at a later date and they ended up saving money for that instead.
His wife has a mug that cost 3,000 yen. Masanori's cost 1,000 yen. "Mine is more expensive," she brags. But her husband has no problem with her attitude. "I get really angry when it comes to work matters, but at home, things don't really bother me," he says.
In fact, the wife is very protective of her slim, quiet husband. "If someone picks a fight with you, just keep your distance," she often says. "If something happens to you, I'll go fight your battles."
Masanori is more than willing to do as she says. "My wife is a very determined woman," he says. "I have no complaints."
The blog that triggered the phenomenon is titled "Oni-yome Nikki" (The true story of my devil wife) and was started four years ago by a 33-year-old company employee from Fukuoka who calls himself "Kazuma."
Readers don't need to look far to find examples of the kind of behavior that inspired him. "When I had a cold, she made me sleep under the kotatsu (heated table) because she didn't want to catch my cold," he writes of his 33-year-old wife. "When I came home soaking wet, she made me strip naked by the front door because she didn't want me to get the floor wet."
These online entries received so many hits and attracted so much attention that the contents were published in a book last July. The blog was also made into a TV sitcom with the same title last fall.
"Times have really changed, I think, for this kind of relationship to be featured in a drama series," says Kazuma. "If men in similar situations feel better thinking that at least they're better off than me, I'm happy with that."
People often wonder why he doesn't just break up with this "devil" woman. "I would much rather see my wife happy than make her angry and create a hostile environment," he says.
While the drama series was aired from October to December, its official Web site often received e-mail from people in similar situations.
"I'm a devil wife myself," writes a woman in her 20s. "I say whatever I want to my kind husband and live a happy life. Of course, we are totally in love."
"I do all the cooking, cleaning and laundry," runs a message from a man in his 30s. "(My wife) was kind to me before we got married, but now she is quite the devil."
"My mother acts like the female lead," writes a teenage girl. "She forces my father to exchange her favorite ramen ingredients with his, and takes his money and blows 80,000 yen in one shopping spree."
Nonfiction writer Yuki Ishikawa expects the number of tyrannical women to increase. "There are more and more wives who brag about giving their husbands instant food instead of home-cooked meals, justifying their actions as giving their husbands what the husbands want," she says. "I feel like devil wives are innocent in a way, but immature. In the past, there were more women who wanted their husbands to give them attention. But now, many women look for husbands who let them get away with doing little around the house, getting together with friends or going for beauty treatments. I think this change in mindset will increase in the future."
Freelance writer Chihiro Fujiwara, 38, interviewed almost 100 self-described selfish wives and their husbands, and published a book on her findings in early November through Ameba Books Ltd.
When a friend of hers who was making an effort to be a good wife was suddenly served with divorce papers, Fujiwara wondered why that happened at a time when selfish wives were doing whatever they wanted and yet were loved and happy.
As she began interviewing people, she noticed a pattern. "There are no hard feelings because the women immediately tell their husbands whatever is bothering them," she says. "And when their wives demand money from their husbands, the men seem to feel glad that they're needed and are making their wives happy."
Fujiwara herself has been married for seven years. She used to keep her frustrations to herself. But she began telling her husband how she felt. "My husband was surprised at first because he had no idea what I was thinking, but he became kind. When I hinted that I wanted a pair of boots, he bought me a pair and was very happy about it."
"Society as a whole is still dominated by men, so if men ruled at home as well, it would be nasty," says comic book writer Mayumi Kurata. "I think it brings balance to society when women have control in the home.
"Devil wives who can spontaneously be selfish and ask for whatever they want are talented, in a way. Some husbands are happy being ordered around because it's easier to be told what to do. They also love getting all that attention from their wives. But this relationship style is different from the so-called weekend-only marriages and separated couples. I think married couples just need to find a relationship style that suits them."(IHT/Asahi: January 14,2006)
So you are all against interracial dating???
If you read my posts I never had anything against interracial dating. I hope that you are joking. If you are not I hope that you get to finish highschool someday or at least obtain your G.E.D.
There ARE great women in America. Just look at FR!
If I could have the PERFECT woman, she'd be:
-a curvy brunette, 5'0 to 5'4, not fat, not skinny
-total 80s metalhead
-South Park Republican
-Can go camping tonight and to a formal party tomorrow
-sense of humor that's a little dry, a little goofy, a little raunchy
-can shoot a gun
Since I'm fantasizing...might as well go all-out!! Really I'm not THAT picky, I just don't have that good of luck meeting good women...
You just described me! However, I think I am a little too old for you. Don't worry and don't settle. You will meet your dream girl eventually.
www.onehanesplace.com (Hanes) delivers to APO addresses. As does www.drugstore.com and Amazon and a wealth of other online shopping sites - thank goodness! 10 to 14 days and "stuff" is at your doorstep. I have a close relationship with these companies.
I am SO glad Al Gore invented this internet thingie.
Did you get my e-mail last week? I'm working on seeing that you have every bit as much fun as I'm having! ;-)
Yeah, I'll be fine. Just venting a bit since I got dumped on Dec. 23.
BTW aren't you married anyway? Or am I in error about that?
I'm in a little late, but here goes.
Though I'm not an authority on marriage, the best I've seen involve complementary relationships -- one partner is slightly oppposite the other in personality. Someone more shy and reticent does better with someone outgoing, and vice versa. Passive and aggressive -- IN MODERATION.
I emphasize that last part, because I find that the extremes in personality types & temperaments always seem to lead to problems. Unfortunately, someone with a difficult or abusive personality will seek out a submissive or immature type. The dynamics are very unhealthy.
Not only men do this. As this article implies, there are plenty of "devil wives" around. I knew a woman who was paranoid & volatile; she married someone extremely nebby & effeminate. Maybe their marriage works, as long as the husband doesn't grow. He may reach a point where he can't take his wife's mood changes or domineering manner.
Also, I worry for their kids. I lost touch with this woman; I don't know if she's even still married. But I wondered if she is ever violent to her children. I've seen that pattern, too -- one abusive parent, the other detached & ineffectual.
Hey! I love women.
'Think I got the last one 36 years ago. You might find another one if you look in rural Maine like I did.
I agree with what you said about the GenXers - both sides are sort of morphing into a male/female. Some men are getting - really getting in touch with their feminine side and the women are trying their best to grow b@@ls. AND I believe, like you said, that there are exceptions (on both sides) but you would have to look hard to find them. I would hate to be in the "market" for a spouse today.
BTW aren't you married anyway? Or am I in error about that?
No. I'm not married. I have been divorced for several years. Marriage is scary stuff if you're not with the right person.
Yup, which is why I am still single at 28! Even though that's not that old, all my same-aged close male friends (well ranging from 24-32) are married but one.
The ones in Northeastern Ohio tend to overflow, then explode spontaneously.
;-)
Easy
Women shop for diamonds (alexandrite for those in the know)...rare, one of a kind, worth waiting for the perfect one. And just anyone won't be the right one.
Men shop for refrigerators....gobs of them out there, anyone will do, they just buy the first one that fits the spot in the kitchen.
PS,
And as we get older (and this is just my observations)....many women get more independent and happy in their circle of friends....many men start frantically searching for a nurse with a purse for their pills and bills. ;)
Seriously...of all the old widder wimmen I've known around here, few if any dated, much less wanted to get married again. And it wasn't as much grief for a lost spouse as embracing a new life that they really enjoyed.
I sure did, and had a total hell week - anything I can be doing on this end?
Gotta love the women of FR!
Too bad there isn't a single (as in unmarried, and unattached) one, 21-35, living in NE Ohio...
Thanks for sharing. It is amazing how many of think alike! And if we kept quiet about it. No one would know...;) LOL!
You're right, I think it is Monday.??? And....
It is amazing how many of US! think alike! LOL!
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