Posted on 01/15/2006 4:55:00 AM PST by Excuse_My_Bellicosity
She mops up spilled juice with your favorite T-shirt, and then she makes you go shopping in the pouring rain. Let's face it, she's the wife from hell--but you still love her.
Sound familiar?
It should. This "mean wife, happy marriage" scenario has become a fad. When one man in a similar relationship began writing a blog about his experiences with his nasty wife, his account struck such a chord with readers that it's now been turned into a book and a TV drama series. He and his wife, it seems, are far from the only ones whose relationship thrives on the wife's selfishness--as 34-year-old Mina would no doubt agree.
Mina (not her real name) does Internet-related work at home and has been married to her 42-year-old husband for 12 years. "Why don't you ever wave goodbye to me anymore? Why don't we ever talk anymore?" she asked him one day.
"Actually, I'm the one who stopped waving goodbye," she admits with a laugh. And the reason they've stopped talking is because Mina's become deeply involved with her daughter's extracurricular activities.
But Mina was the one who began feeling angry. To let out her frustrations she began to use her hubby as a metaphorical punching bag. "When I take it out on my husband, I feel much better and forget what I got so wound up about," she says.
As Mina became busier, the house got messy and she cut down on the time she spent cooking. But her husband never complains. "He knows I would just tell him off if he did," she says.
After patiently letting Mina get things off her chest, the husband once said: "Pretend you've been tricked into cleaning the house. You'll calm down a bit." She did. When she cleaned the house and saw how nice it looked, her frustrations went away.
"He actually analyzes me very objectively," Mina says.
For all her flaws, the two behave like a couple in love. On weekends, they shop together or watch their son's baseball games. On birthdays, they buy each other presents.
Masanori (not his real name) is another man happy with his wife, even though he says his friends think she's mean. The 34-year-old Tokyo-based designer has been married for three years. When he told his 32-year-old wife, who works with him, that he wanted to buy a new computer for work, she insisted they buy a refrigerator at a later date and they ended up saving money for that instead.
His wife has a mug that cost 3,000 yen. Masanori's cost 1,000 yen. "Mine is more expensive," she brags. But her husband has no problem with her attitude. "I get really angry when it comes to work matters, but at home, things don't really bother me," he says.
In fact, the wife is very protective of her slim, quiet husband. "If someone picks a fight with you, just keep your distance," she often says. "If something happens to you, I'll go fight your battles."
Masanori is more than willing to do as she says. "My wife is a very determined woman," he says. "I have no complaints."
The blog that triggered the phenomenon is titled "Oni-yome Nikki" (The true story of my devil wife) and was started four years ago by a 33-year-old company employee from Fukuoka who calls himself "Kazuma."
Readers don't need to look far to find examples of the kind of behavior that inspired him. "When I had a cold, she made me sleep under the kotatsu (heated table) because she didn't want to catch my cold," he writes of his 33-year-old wife. "When I came home soaking wet, she made me strip naked by the front door because she didn't want me to get the floor wet."
These online entries received so many hits and attracted so much attention that the contents were published in a book last July. The blog was also made into a TV sitcom with the same title last fall.
"Times have really changed, I think, for this kind of relationship to be featured in a drama series," says Kazuma. "If men in similar situations feel better thinking that at least they're better off than me, I'm happy with that."
People often wonder why he doesn't just break up with this "devil" woman. "I would much rather see my wife happy than make her angry and create a hostile environment," he says.
While the drama series was aired from October to December, its official Web site often received e-mail from people in similar situations.
"I'm a devil wife myself," writes a woman in her 20s. "I say whatever I want to my kind husband and live a happy life. Of course, we are totally in love."
"I do all the cooking, cleaning and laundry," runs a message from a man in his 30s. "(My wife) was kind to me before we got married, but now she is quite the devil."
"My mother acts like the female lead," writes a teenage girl. "She forces my father to exchange her favorite ramen ingredients with his, and takes his money and blows 80,000 yen in one shopping spree."
Nonfiction writer Yuki Ishikawa expects the number of tyrannical women to increase. "There are more and more wives who brag about giving their husbands instant food instead of home-cooked meals, justifying their actions as giving their husbands what the husbands want," she says. "I feel like devil wives are innocent in a way, but immature. In the past, there were more women who wanted their husbands to give them attention. But now, many women look for husbands who let them get away with doing little around the house, getting together with friends or going for beauty treatments. I think this change in mindset will increase in the future."
Freelance writer Chihiro Fujiwara, 38, interviewed almost 100 self-described selfish wives and their husbands, and published a book on her findings in early November through Ameba Books Ltd.
When a friend of hers who was making an effort to be a good wife was suddenly served with divorce papers, Fujiwara wondered why that happened at a time when selfish wives were doing whatever they wanted and yet were loved and happy.
As she began interviewing people, she noticed a pattern. "There are no hard feelings because the women immediately tell their husbands whatever is bothering them," she says. "And when their wives demand money from their husbands, the men seem to feel glad that they're needed and are making their wives happy."
Fujiwara herself has been married for seven years. She used to keep her frustrations to herself. But she began telling her husband how she felt. "My husband was surprised at first because he had no idea what I was thinking, but he became kind. When I hinted that I wanted a pair of boots, he bought me a pair and was very happy about it."
"Society as a whole is still dominated by men, so if men ruled at home as well, it would be nasty," says comic book writer Mayumi Kurata. "I think it brings balance to society when women have control in the home.
"Devil wives who can spontaneously be selfish and ask for whatever they want are talented, in a way. Some husbands are happy being ordered around because it's easier to be told what to do. They also love getting all that attention from their wives. But this relationship style is different from the so-called weekend-only marriages and separated couples. I think married couples just need to find a relationship style that suits them."(IHT/Asahi: January 14,2006)
JAPs in Japan??
Indeed. Who cares what they think?
LOL!
If you are around today and need some light reading....
Ping...
Good one. I'll have to remember that the next time I make a wrong decision. :-)
'I'm not going to argue with you.'
Best approach. That person should be in the kitchen cooking naked anyway.
"Guess you haven't read many of the threads posted here on FR."
I certainly haven't read every thread since 1998. However, I have read enough threads on this subject to know that there are a number of people who closed-mindedly insist that any American man who marries a foreign woman is a "loser" who "couldn't get" an American woman, and the women they marry are "subservient" gold-digging whores who just want a green card.
That kind of crap belongs over on DU.
I'm not here to bash anyone myself...i love my american mom so i would be foolish ;)
...but it is funny to pop in a room and look at the face on women when they meet my wife's husband...."You SOB, you're a nice guy, why didn't you marry a white woman"???!!!!!!! Happens all the time....i just smile....no arguments from me.
hehe
ROFL!
"That person should be in the kitchen cooking naked anyway."
When I'm alone in the house, I often cook naked.
I don't think my wife ever does that.
You don't fry eggs or bacon naked do you?????
ouch!
I didn't get that at all from that post.
What I did get is how many men freepers do go on and on about American women and how foreign women are so much better because they are more (insert adjective).
I think it is Gen-Xers both men and women that have problems with marriage. My theory is this demographic did not have to walk 6 miles uphill to school. They want instant gratification. This group does not have patience or want to sacrifice for long term goals. A marriage should be for a life time and thus the plans should reflect that.
A co-worker's husband walked out on her and the two kids (3yr & 3mo old) becuase it wasn't working out for him. He did not his own time and it is to hard having two kids to take care of.
Another co-worker wants to get divorced and leave the kids with the husband so she can pursue her career. Basically, the kids are preventing her from flying all over the world for work.
I guess my point is to find someone that is dedicated to a long term marriage and understands that it will be filled with work and a lifetime of responsibilities.
{suppressing laughter} It's OK. I think he meant you should be doing the naked cooking.
Ahhh...let it be our perogative for once. Line 6 Pods are great - but for ultimate portability for electric or acoustic - you can't beat the Korg Toneworks PX4. Here in Shanghai, I can go out the door with my Takamini and head down to the Irish bar to yuk it up with a clean open air mic sound, or...change my mind and head down to the tourist zone to jam with a hot Brazilian band - using chorus, delay and a touch of overdrive - all with a push of a button on my strap mounted effects unit - going straight into the PA.
Why is there no American Husband in there? I guess we all know where it belongs...
You were married in the Ukraine, just a few months ago?
Well, congratulations, Petty Officer Drew. May your marriage be a long and happy one.
I can't even begin to count the number of American men I met like that in the past 20 years. THAT works BOTH ways. If you were honest you would admit it.
Actually, in some remote farming villages in Japan, men who want to continue the family farm but can't find a Japanese female companion (not many want the un-glamorous farming life these days) sometimes advertise and marry "mail order brides" from other (SE) Asian countries.
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