Rich and dying.
Posted on 01/15/2006 4:55:00 AM PST by Excuse_My_Bellicosity
She mops up spilled juice with your favorite T-shirt, and then she makes you go shopping in the pouring rain. Let's face it, she's the wife from hell--but you still love her.
Sound familiar?
It should. This "mean wife, happy marriage" scenario has become a fad. When one man in a similar relationship began writing a blog about his experiences with his nasty wife, his account struck such a chord with readers that it's now been turned into a book and a TV drama series. He and his wife, it seems, are far from the only ones whose relationship thrives on the wife's selfishness--as 34-year-old Mina would no doubt agree.
Mina (not her real name) does Internet-related work at home and has been married to her 42-year-old husband for 12 years. "Why don't you ever wave goodbye to me anymore? Why don't we ever talk anymore?" she asked him one day.
"Actually, I'm the one who stopped waving goodbye," she admits with a laugh. And the reason they've stopped talking is because Mina's become deeply involved with her daughter's extracurricular activities.
But Mina was the one who began feeling angry. To let out her frustrations she began to use her hubby as a metaphorical punching bag. "When I take it out on my husband, I feel much better and forget what I got so wound up about," she says.
As Mina became busier, the house got messy and she cut down on the time she spent cooking. But her husband never complains. "He knows I would just tell him off if he did," she says.
After patiently letting Mina get things off her chest, the husband once said: "Pretend you've been tricked into cleaning the house. You'll calm down a bit." She did. When she cleaned the house and saw how nice it looked, her frustrations went away.
"He actually analyzes me very objectively," Mina says.
For all her flaws, the two behave like a couple in love. On weekends, they shop together or watch their son's baseball games. On birthdays, they buy each other presents.
Masanori (not his real name) is another man happy with his wife, even though he says his friends think she's mean. The 34-year-old Tokyo-based designer has been married for three years. When he told his 32-year-old wife, who works with him, that he wanted to buy a new computer for work, she insisted they buy a refrigerator at a later date and they ended up saving money for that instead.
His wife has a mug that cost 3,000 yen. Masanori's cost 1,000 yen. "Mine is more expensive," she brags. But her husband has no problem with her attitude. "I get really angry when it comes to work matters, but at home, things don't really bother me," he says.
In fact, the wife is very protective of her slim, quiet husband. "If someone picks a fight with you, just keep your distance," she often says. "If something happens to you, I'll go fight your battles."
Masanori is more than willing to do as she says. "My wife is a very determined woman," he says. "I have no complaints."
The blog that triggered the phenomenon is titled "Oni-yome Nikki" (The true story of my devil wife) and was started four years ago by a 33-year-old company employee from Fukuoka who calls himself "Kazuma."
Readers don't need to look far to find examples of the kind of behavior that inspired him. "When I had a cold, she made me sleep under the kotatsu (heated table) because she didn't want to catch my cold," he writes of his 33-year-old wife. "When I came home soaking wet, she made me strip naked by the front door because she didn't want me to get the floor wet."
These online entries received so many hits and attracted so much attention that the contents were published in a book last July. The blog was also made into a TV sitcom with the same title last fall.
"Times have really changed, I think, for this kind of relationship to be featured in a drama series," says Kazuma. "If men in similar situations feel better thinking that at least they're better off than me, I'm happy with that."
People often wonder why he doesn't just break up with this "devil" woman. "I would much rather see my wife happy than make her angry and create a hostile environment," he says.
While the drama series was aired from October to December, its official Web site often received e-mail from people in similar situations.
"I'm a devil wife myself," writes a woman in her 20s. "I say whatever I want to my kind husband and live a happy life. Of course, we are totally in love."
"I do all the cooking, cleaning and laundry," runs a message from a man in his 30s. "(My wife) was kind to me before we got married, but now she is quite the devil."
"My mother acts like the female lead," writes a teenage girl. "She forces my father to exchange her favorite ramen ingredients with his, and takes his money and blows 80,000 yen in one shopping spree."
Nonfiction writer Yuki Ishikawa expects the number of tyrannical women to increase. "There are more and more wives who brag about giving their husbands instant food instead of home-cooked meals, justifying their actions as giving their husbands what the husbands want," she says. "I feel like devil wives are innocent in a way, but immature. In the past, there were more women who wanted their husbands to give them attention. But now, many women look for husbands who let them get away with doing little around the house, getting together with friends or going for beauty treatments. I think this change in mindset will increase in the future."
Freelance writer Chihiro Fujiwara, 38, interviewed almost 100 self-described selfish wives and their husbands, and published a book on her findings in early November through Ameba Books Ltd.
When a friend of hers who was making an effort to be a good wife was suddenly served with divorce papers, Fujiwara wondered why that happened at a time when selfish wives were doing whatever they wanted and yet were loved and happy.
As she began interviewing people, she noticed a pattern. "There are no hard feelings because the women immediately tell their husbands whatever is bothering them," she says. "And when their wives demand money from their husbands, the men seem to feel glad that they're needed and are making their wives happy."
Fujiwara herself has been married for seven years. She used to keep her frustrations to herself. But she began telling her husband how she felt. "My husband was surprised at first because he had no idea what I was thinking, but he became kind. When I hinted that I wanted a pair of boots, he bought me a pair and was very happy about it."
"Society as a whole is still dominated by men, so if men ruled at home as well, it would be nasty," says comic book writer Mayumi Kurata. "I think it brings balance to society when women have control in the home.
"Devil wives who can spontaneously be selfish and ask for whatever they want are talented, in a way. Some husbands are happy being ordered around because it's easier to be told what to do. They also love getting all that attention from their wives. But this relationship style is different from the so-called weekend-only marriages and separated couples. I think married couples just need to find a relationship style that suits them."(IHT/Asahi: January 14,2006)
Oh my goodness, how sweet she is! Very nice!
There seems to be a class of guys out there who want to be a rich woman's cabana boy. Sakes, who'd want to be treated like that? And this guy is too dumb to realize that he'll be dropped like a hot rock when a better looking pool boy comes around.
Perfect wife: 3 feet tall, no teeth, and a flat head to set your drink on.
You forgot 'Big Ears'!
I believe that it is something that is decided between two people before they get married. If they want to have children and have one of them stay home with the kids - that's fine. But, it's a contract that should be made before the walk down the aisle.
IMHO.
Bare feet and my Uggs.
LOVE THEM!!!
Hang in there and don't let those State Dept/INS pencil pushers push you around. That's about all I have to offer.
If I may say so... and it's a safe bet given the rancor on the thread, this is the kind of article that only creates strife and flame wars on this forum. It's good sport to watch, maybe, but detrimental to the cause of actually improving communication between men and women. There's a lot of people that have an axe to grind against the opposite sex. Don't buy into it!
I sense bitterness....LOL
'Big Ears'
That's a given for the cigarette butts.
"Try living with a Appalachian mountain woman. They kill their husbands."
I once had me an Irish/Welsh Tennessee Hill Woman and she tried but the cylinder was empty. Man, was that woman ferocious!
Rich and dying.
Is the gift a cremation urn ?
The proper wedding gift, a case of vodka, viagra and a cremation urn.
Actually, vast amusement
I'll soon be celebrating my 22nd year with my American wife. She works at keeping me happy, and I try to keep her happy. I think this is the key to a working marriage: when one party is content to accept what the other party gives, without thinking there's any need to work at keeping the other person happy, then there's trouble
I'm in the software biz. Over the last few years, we've had to adjust to the fact of competition from Indian software developers. I don't like it, but not liking it doesn't change the fact that India has some good people, and if I want a job I just have to ensure that my customer(employer) gets a better deal by sticking with me, than he would by buying overseas
Similarly, American women who think that they can offer guys a worse deal than they can get elsewhere (in terms of what is delivered to make the other person happy, versus what is demanded) should be prepared for some long evenings alone with their cats
Isn't that rich! (A pun!) Is that Anna Nicole?
Yeah, but...
http://community.seattletimes.nwsource.com/weather/
Just got back from grocery shopping for my kids and am toasty warm now! Ever hear of that beer from China: Tsing Tao!! I think the Chinese are starting to invade that market, too! LOL!
You know you are right. Some of us never thought to talk about stuff like that before we got married. Then some of us ended up stuck with someone we didn't know or like. But all that said, I am supporting my two sons through college and I don't regret it at all.
LOL! An urn! Is he a 'sugar daddy'?
BTW, I KNOW many women and not a single one like the ones you describe. Most are homemakers who put their families (including their husband), first.
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