Posted on 01/03/2006 8:14:34 AM PST by NYer
January 2, 2006: The Church of the SubGenius has announced that the end of the world will take place on Wednesday, July 5, 2006. In preparation for the fulfillment of this doomsday prophecy, the Church is requesting that all of its members participate in a bizarre religious ceremony taking place in upstate New York, during the final weekend before the arrival of the apocalypse.
Since its inception in 1953, Church founder J.R. "Bob" Dobbs has predicted that a fleet of flying saucers will arrive at the beginning of July to destroy the worldwide Conspiracy against the Church of the SubGenius, while all ordained SubGenius ministers will be rescued by escape vessels piloted by the Alien Sex Goddesses, also known as the Xists.
The Church is inviting all of its members worldwide to gather together for the final hours in Sherman, New York from Thursday, June 29 to July 5, at a clothing-optional outdoor campground called Brushwood Folklore Center. The first gathering at this compound took place in 1996, and the event has increased in size and participants each following year. 1998 was designated the first true "X-Day," and each successive year has added one to the total. This year's celebration in 2006 is X-Day 9, or X-Day IX.
The Church has been engaged in a massive recruitment campaign to increase the numbers of its membership before the arrival of the Xists. According to Church records, the organization currently has approximately 100,000 members worldwide. SubGenius recruitment has been especially dedicated among the ranks of people who refuse to conform to the norms of society, including disbelievers, blasphemers, pranksters, rebels, hackers, pornographers, geeks, and outcasts.
The Church is seeking performers and producers from the adult entertainment industry in particular, because sexual freedom has been an important part of Church doctrine from the start. X-Day will be a celebration of pornography and adult entertainment, and certain parts of the event will be restricted to adults only. Only ordained ministers of the Church of the SubGenius are allowed at the event, but the Church is accepting memberships at its standard rate of $30 up until the final hours of July 4.
The Church of the SubGenius has been no stranger to controversy since its foundation, and the upcoming X-Day celebration promises to be no different. In the late 1980s, members of the Church were accused of spreading a virus in Macintosh computers known as the "Peace Virus." Numerous articles have been written on the Church in such noteworthy publications as the New York Times, Washington Post, Wired Online, Boston Globe, U.S. News and World Report; and broadcast reports have been produced by CNN and NPR. In April 1999, officials of the city of Cambridge, Massachusetts shut down an official SubGenius Devival gathering in the belief that the Church was affiliated with the Trenchcoat Mafia ( the organization blamed for the Columbine high school shootings ), though authorities later realized the association was mistaken. In its January 1, 2000 issue, a Time magazine poll declared J.R. "Bob" Dobbs the biggest fraud of the 20th century.
Detailed information about X-Day can be found on the World Wide Web at the X-Day Web site:
http://www.modemac.com/x-day
The official home page of the Church of the SubGenius can be found at:
http://www.subgenius.com
Photographers, entertainers, production companies, radio broadcasters, and all media producers are encouraged to contact the Church at its Cleveland, Ohio headquarters at ( 216 ) 320-9528.
Contact: The SubGenius Foundation, Inc.
Phone/Fax: ( 216 ) 320-9528
stang@subgenius.com, jesus@subgenius.com
*The* Bruce Dickinson.....;]
I can confirm this "apocalypse" and the location. It will occur at NYS Republican Headquarters in Albany.
We can lob potatos at him...
Would that translate to, Exits or Exists?
Stopped reading right there.
Ask any Mac snob: Macs just don't get virii. /sarc
I would be my luck it turned out they were Xists Wifeists.
Planet X. Hyperdimensional Aliens. Space bankers and mobsters.
Is it too late to get ordained and save myself?
Nope. Eternal Salvation or Triple your money back!
LOL!
find later bump
NO CHANCE TO SURVIVE, MAKE YOUR TIME!!!
Which is largely the reason the Church of the SubGenius was created in the first place - by declaring themselves "ordained ministers", they gain tax exempt status for various pornographic activities.
Why am I not surprised that this group of nutcases is located in Cleveland? We get all the weirdos here.
Bwahahahah
Xists = "exists"
That virus was passed through exchanges of software. On the internet MACs do not get viruses since there aren't enough MACs out there to get the virus going.
So on the day after the ships don't come will they be offering a refund?
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