Posted on 12/22/2005 8:37:43 AM PST by Sonny M
DEAR ABBY: Several of my friends and I were bemoaning our status as single women in our late 20s/early 30s, and discussing an article we had read in The New York Times about how smart women are less likely to get married. We'd all like to find Mr. Wonderful and be married. But if we have to curtail our professional success, financial wherewithal and IQ to do it, how can a person even begin to do such a thing?
I have a feeling you'll say to be ourselves and it will all work out, but thus far it has NOT worked out, and we're starting to worry. Personally, I think we'd be better off to take jobs as "administrators" in a large company somewhere and hope for the best.
Help, Abby! What's the answer for smart, fun women who have their acts together? How can we best poise ourselves to find true love while being true to ourselves? -- LOSING FAITH IN FINDING MR. RIGHT
DEAR LOSING FAITH: The truth is, there are no guarantees that ANYONE (male or female) will land a mate. It isn't easy these days because people are commitment-phobic. And this applies to individuals at all economic and educational levels, not just you at the top. Pairing off is often a matter of luck and timing -- being in the right place at the right time.
Eligible members of both sexes can be found in places of common interest -- places that are intellectually rewarding, culturally stimulating, athletically challenging or financially advantageous. As to whether you should downgrade your job level in order to appear less "threatening," I guarantee that if you don't take financial care of yourselves while you can, you will regret it later. To paraphrase Abraham Lincoln, you could fool some of the bachelors some of the time, but you couldn't fool all of them all of the time.
There are worse things than not finding Prince Charming, and one of them is spending your life pretending to be something you're not. So my advice is to stop reading defeatist newspaper and magazine articles. They'll only make you desperate, clingy and depressed -- and none of those traits is attractive to either sex.
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I recently had a baby. We chose a mature, Christian couple to be our child's godparents. However, my brother-in-law is infuriated over the fact that he's not the godparent. He has disowned my husband and wants nothing to do with us. Behavior such as this in the past is part of the reason he wasn't chosen. However, I need to know this: Did we have an obligation to choose him as a godparent? How should we handle his immaturity and controlling behavior? -- NEEDS TO KNOW IN OHIO
DEAR NEEDS TO KNOW: A godparent can either be a relative or a close friend, and you were not obligated to choose one over the other. Your brother-in-law may be hurt that he wasn't chosen, but his subsequent behavior has been so childish that it's apparent you made the right decision. The way to handle his immature and controlling behavior is to forgive him for it, and go on with your lives.
CONFIDENTIAL TO EDWARD PHILLIPS IN MINNEAPOLIS: Happy Birthday, baby brother! I hope you're enjoying your special day.
I like intelligent women, myself! Intelligent, and NOT liberal!
Same here!! I'm just a tad younger than you, same thing. Unless I meet the girl of my dreams tomorrow, I probably won't be married by 30.
Try looking at your personalities and attitudes toward men. Most guys won't think about buying a diamond ring for someone who hates everything about masculinity. And maybe you're just plain boring on a date.
Amen to that.
If they are intelligent, they won't be liberal. ;)
Yes, that was my point!!
Clingy and desperate. When your biological clock is ticking away as it is with Ms. Dowd, you are bound to get clingy and desperate. Ms. Dowd excuse that men don't want to commit to her and women like her because they're intelligent is ridiculous. That's akin to women rejected by men who in retaliation label the men gay. Face it. Men don't like you, especially, someone as whiny, unattractive, and jaded as Maureen Dowd. She is like one of those women on 'Sex in the City' except you can see on her face that she's been around. No man wants a woman who's been all over the place.
We have 5 sons and 2 daughters.
We got married when I was 23 and she was 19. (in 1962)
My observation is that the available mates start declining in the early twenties, and just like the oranges in the supermarket, the best go first. Sooner or later, all that are left are leftovers.
A girl in her early thirties made the observation that Guys are just like toilets. They are either taken or they are full of it. Our kids married in their early twenties, and all are married to great mates.
My opinion is that a marriage in the early to mid twenties is the best, because then they develop together.
Two girlfriends I had since high school and into college seemed to have a habit of constantly denigrating men--all men--in general. It seemed pathological. I frankly concluded, after watching "Shogun," that only foreign women retained the memory of remembering how to BE feminine--no squared-off shoulder pads while wearing "power red" trying desperately to be "one of the guys" (and then whining when the going gets too rough), etc.
My pastor said something that I thought was rather profound: He pointed out the results of a study that indicated that women need LOVE, but men need RESPECT. Think about it--it's true. Men actually don't (generally) know what to do with love, what we seek is respect--for our decisions, for our quiet daily sacrifices, etc. It doesn't need to be spoken, but merely through routine, small-scale, daily support. Women, OTOH, need to be hugged, told they are loved, etc. Basically, verbally groomed.
That's when he pointed out that the study merely echoed what was written 3,000 years ago in the Old Testament. (Men need respect, women need love.)
When a woman is flattered, she enjoys hearing it.
When a man is flattered, he grows uneasy, suspicious that the flatterer is seeking something unspoken.
Mars, Venus, and all that. It's true.
Sauron
Two girlfriends I had since high school and into college seemed to have a habit of constantly denigrating men--all men--in general. It seemed pathological. I frankly concluded, after watching "Shogun," that only foreign women retained the memory of remembering how to BE feminine--no squared-off shoulder pads while wearing "power red" trying desperately to be "one of the guys" (and then whining when the going gets too rough), etc.
My pastor said something that I thought was rather profound: He pointed out the results of a study that indicated that women need LOVE, but men need RESPECT. Think about it--it's true. Men actually don't (generally) know what to do with love, what we seek is respect--for our decisions, for our quiet daily sacrifices, etc. It doesn't need to be spoken, but merely through routine, small-scale, daily support. Women, OTOH, need to be hugged, told they are loved, etc. Basically, verbally groomed.
That's when he pointed out that the study merely echoed what was written 3,000 years ago in the Old Testament. (Men need respect, women need love.)
When a woman is flattered, she enjoys hearing it.
When a man is flattered, he grows uneasy, suspicious that the flatterer is seeking something unspoken.
Mars, Venus, and all that. It's true.
Sauron
I hear women say such things on occassion and in an instant I believe they are 1/3 as smart as they believe themselves to be.
In fact in my personal opinion, women who think and feel that way in general are pretty darn idiotic.
I say let them suffer until they learn correct principles. I am not going to date them, nor marry them, and I am one of the prime guys they are complaining about.
You are so right. I couldn't have said it better myself.
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