Posted on 12/22/2005 8:37:43 AM PST by Sonny M
DEAR ABBY: Several of my friends and I were bemoaning our status as single women in our late 20s/early 30s, and discussing an article we had read in The New York Times about how smart women are less likely to get married. We'd all like to find Mr. Wonderful and be married. But if we have to curtail our professional success, financial wherewithal and IQ to do it, how can a person even begin to do such a thing?
I have a feeling you'll say to be ourselves and it will all work out, but thus far it has NOT worked out, and we're starting to worry. Personally, I think we'd be better off to take jobs as "administrators" in a large company somewhere and hope for the best.
Help, Abby! What's the answer for smart, fun women who have their acts together? How can we best poise ourselves to find true love while being true to ourselves? -- LOSING FAITH IN FINDING MR. RIGHT
DEAR LOSING FAITH: The truth is, there are no guarantees that ANYONE (male or female) will land a mate. It isn't easy these days because people are commitment-phobic. And this applies to individuals at all economic and educational levels, not just you at the top. Pairing off is often a matter of luck and timing -- being in the right place at the right time.
Eligible members of both sexes can be found in places of common interest -- places that are intellectually rewarding, culturally stimulating, athletically challenging or financially advantageous. As to whether you should downgrade your job level in order to appear less "threatening," I guarantee that if you don't take financial care of yourselves while you can, you will regret it later. To paraphrase Abraham Lincoln, you could fool some of the bachelors some of the time, but you couldn't fool all of them all of the time.
There are worse things than not finding Prince Charming, and one of them is spending your life pretending to be something you're not. So my advice is to stop reading defeatist newspaper and magazine articles. They'll only make you desperate, clingy and depressed -- and none of those traits is attractive to either sex.
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I recently had a baby. We chose a mature, Christian couple to be our child's godparents. However, my brother-in-law is infuriated over the fact that he's not the godparent. He has disowned my husband and wants nothing to do with us. Behavior such as this in the past is part of the reason he wasn't chosen. However, I need to know this: Did we have an obligation to choose him as a godparent? How should we handle his immaturity and controlling behavior? -- NEEDS TO KNOW IN OHIO
DEAR NEEDS TO KNOW: A godparent can either be a relative or a close friend, and you were not obligated to choose one over the other. Your brother-in-law may be hurt that he wasn't chosen, but his subsequent behavior has been so childish that it's apparent you made the right decision. The way to handle his immature and controlling behavior is to forgive him for it, and go on with your lives.
CONFIDENTIAL TO EDWARD PHILLIPS IN MINNEAPOLIS: Happy Birthday, baby brother! I hope you're enjoying your special day.
"FWIT, Ms. Dowd was on TV last night plugging her book referring to her belief that women who are intelligent are not able to get married"
I guess it depends on how one defines "intelligent".
I can't stop chuckling at your comment. So true!
First of all, stop having premarital sex. Guys have little incentive to marry if a woman gives herself to him..
>>how smart women are less likely to get married. We'd all like to find Mr. Wonderful and be married.
No, you want Mr. abolutely-frigging-perfect. Must be 6'5 (even though you may only be 5'2), a certain age, nice build, dark, full set of hair, handsome, your own race/ethnicity and so forth -- even though you may look like Helen Thomas..
Women are single simply because they are holding out for Mr. Perfect, who does not exist. And then age catches up and they get desparate. Guess who the guys are looking at? Younger women who are open to mr. average...
This problem exists across career and religious lines. When I was married I regularly attended a Church group (married and singles) where plenty of single 30 somethings attended. People in this group didn't date each other. Why? See above. There were plenty of eligible men, but the women simply weren't interested in them. They weren't a bad looking bunch of men, but they weren't perfect -- and hence undatable.
(Men have their own problems as well, such as the concern over bust and waist sizes, but since this is focused on women, I focused on that.)
Want to marry? Open your mind and consider men that are less than perfect matches -- you'll be surprised at how they are better matches than you think.
My $10..
I like that.
Is it original?
But if we have to curtail our professional success, financial wherewithal and IQ "me first", egotistical attitudes to do it, how can a person even begin to do such a thing?
"Start with curtailing your being a self-absorbed bitch."
ding ding ding ... we have a winner.
" The irony is we're vaguely aware enough about the difference to feel good when we see a movie like 'Cinderella Man'."
Was that movie popular among libs?
So if all these women are so smart, why aren't they mopping up all the Nobel Prizes in physics, chemistry and hard sciences?
Looks like a Klingon.
No, because we are heterosexual, Maureen.
Can you imagine having to write a book to tell the world why you're sooo much smarter than young married women, yet you can't get a real man to save your life....
What is weird,
Is I see this more in the over 50 set these days.
It's so in their mindset to 'have someone in the house' (to quote one widower). Which makes me wonder about their first marriages.
A woman who is not so self-absorbed in her own little emotional enviro-world has a better chance. As a man I find women who are relatively smart and have an easy friendly down to earth positive personality appealing. Ultra liberal women are turn off's to me and not mate material IMO. You conservative, God-friendly babes just look better too and made of the right stuff for the long term.
Priceless!
Women are single simply because they are holding out for Mr. Perfect, who does not exist. And then age catches up and they get desparate. Guess who the guys are looking at? Younger women who are open to mr. average...
This is a bunch of malarky. I hate sweeping generalizations, but I don't think you'll find it's women who are overly focused on perfect looks, and that's what's ~"forcing"~ you to settle for looking at 'younger women'.
That's the thing. There's nothing wrong with a single woman having a good job and saving up some money, but if her career comes first, she'll be a spinster.
Smart single? BS- they are more likely dumb and dower.
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