Tookie Williams' Execution Coincides Nicely With Need for New Plasma TV

Ridiculopathy ^

[Sir Gawain]

>>Tuesday December 13, 2005

Tookie Williams' Execution Coincides Nicely With Need for New Plasma TV

SACRAMENTO, CA- When California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger denied clemency for condemned prisoner Stanley Tookie Williams on Monday, he re-opened deep, painful racial wounds. Unless leaders in the African American community can somehow find a way to maintain peace in the aftermath of Tuesday's execution, law enforcement sources say widespread violence is a very likely outcome. In just a matter of hours, low-income neighborhoods will burn to the ground, and dozens of young men will die needlessly in clashes with police.

On the bright side, however, the whole mess may turn out to be a bit of fortunate timing since many of the appliances obtained during the last large-scale riot have begun to wear out.

On the corner of Florence and Normandie, several dozen would-be rioters have already begun gathering, spending their time stretching and preparing for the upcoming spree. "I am here for justice, peace, and a new flat screen," said early bird Lou Terr. "I got a plasma back in '92 and the damn thing had a wicked burn-in problem. I'm also looking for a food processor and a pre-paid flip phone. My wife gave me a list so I won't forget."

Just like the Black Friday post-Thanksgiving sales, making the most of a riot is all about timing. It's not enough just to show up early. If you want the really good deals, you need to have a plan. Looting experts say that it is important to move quickly from store to store bearing in mind the ratio of street value to weight. One large item may sound like a great score but not compared to three dozen iPods that can be fenced for far more.

In spite of this advice, some people insist on hunting for big ticket items on riot day.

"Actually, I don't even remember how we got this damn upright refrigerator/freezer in here," said South Central resident Althea Thoon. "All I know is that it doesn't make ice anymore. The more I look at the thing, the madder I get about Tookie's execution. In fact, my outrage can only be satisfied with one of those nice LG models with the TV in the door."

Contrary to the impressions given by the cable news outlets, the street-level unrest about to ensue in the state's urban areas is as much a celebration of the life of Tookie Williams as it is a shoplifting escapade.

"The racist media wants to make this out like it's all about stealing stuff, but it isn't," said Terr. "We will also be viciously beating some white people later on. Nothing special, you know, just some folks who wander through, maybe a truck driver or two."

No one can yet say how long it will take before the raw emotions exposed by the execution will subside. The underlying anger is still growing along with the fear that institutionalized racism is still a major factor in the administration of capital punishment.

"Arnold Schwarzenegger doesn't care about black people," said Tookie supporter Snoop Dogg, "especially ones who happen to have murdered a few people and founded a notorious street gang. I mean, God, if he's going to put Tookie to death just for that, who's next?"

In the end, the denial of clemency may be remembered as the shrewdest gambit of Schwarzenegger's political career. Not only does the tough stand on violent crime ingratiate him with his conservative base, but also African American constituents will probably be grateful for all the new stuff.

Some folks, of course, will take a far less practical view of the matter and insist on blaming the struggling first term Governor for the riots and resulting damage, but as Schwarzenegger's aides point out, that's really not a legitimate issue since those people tend not to vote.

[Sir Gawain]

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[E. Pluribus Unum]

That's blobber-gobber.

[Jaded]

Yipes! Probably postpone it for that next shipment of X-box 360s.

[Mr. K]

That's nearly as good as Scrappleface

[cchandler]

You can't talk about looting without a reference to the greatest looter of all time - the Heineken looter from Katrina-struck New Oleans:

If you liked him in this picture, you'll love him in these: http://www.looterguy.com/images/gallery/galleryone/index.htm

[USS Alaska]

"The racist media wants to make this out like it's all about stealing stuff, but it isn't," said Terr. "We will also be viciously beating some white people later on. Nothing special, you know, just some folks who wander through, maybe a truck driver or two."

Hehehehehehe, I know it's satire and it's funny as heck but it is so true. Save the hypocritical "You're a racist" rants.

[processing please hold]

Did I miss the riots they were predicting would destroy L.A.?

[joesnuffy]

This should schnizzle a few ma nizzles

[Bon mots]

Tookie cried, whined and fussed like a little baby before he got what he had coming. More than his victims got to do. He wet his pants too.

[Bon mots]

Did I miss the riots they were predicting would destroy L.A.?

No, run out and grab yourself a new plasma t.v. and some Heineken!

[wizr]

Right oan, right oan, brutha!!!! Thanks

[JLAGRAYFOX]

New Orleans finest, a Blanco, Landrieu, Nagin robbing Democrat. He later went to Texas, and trashed hotel rooms, apartments and rental cars. Then, when the free handout money ran out, he robbed a local 7/11 and got himself a piece of trim via you know how. Yes, my friends, the face and heart of the New Orleans Democrat Party.

[IronJack]

Experienced looters know how hard it can be on your back lugging those purloined goods around town. Not to mention, it slows your getaway should some of LA's finest hazard an appearance.

Pyle O'Booty from Compton, a veteran of Watts and Rodney King, chuckles when he sees some of the footage from New Orleans. "Amateurs," he says, shaking his head. "Now see this foo?" He points to a scrawny crack addict hustling an ottoman through chest-deep flood waters. "Fust thang he shoulda looted was a boat! Ya need transpo'tation 'fo anythang else."

Wanda Rippum of South Central agrees. "Dese foo's is jist foo's. Durint' the Rodney King sales, I got 17 pairs of new stiletto heels. Problem was, they was all size 6. As you can see, I's a big, beautiful woman, so I needet a 16! Problem was, by time I got all dem shoes home, I wa'nt in any shape to make a return visit to Payless. I wisht then that I'da had the sense to jack me one of them two-wheel hand carts."

[Victoria Delsoul]

Just like the Black Friday post-Thanksgiving sales, making the most of a riot is all about timing. It's not enough just to show up early. If you want the really good deals, you need to have a plan. Looting experts say that it is important to move quickly from store to store bearing in mind the ratio of street value to weight. One large item may sound like a great score but not compared to three dozen iPods that can be fenced for far more.

If done well, looting can become a lucrative business for some people. ;-)

[glock rocks]

Hmmm. Gotta upgrade the bait. Heck, I remember when a couple 8-tracks could keep things hoppin all night.

[Cathryn Crawford]

:)

[Howlin]

You are B A D. Just plain B A D.

[Sloth]

"I got a plasma back in '92 and the damn thing had a wicked burn-in problem.

Funny, but nobody got a plasma in '92.

[lovecraft]

Art imitating life....LOL