Understandin Engineers (HUMOR)

Dec 9, 2005

[SandRat]

Thought you might enjoy this.

Engineers - Take One:

To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Engineers - Take Two:

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!" The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him." "Hi George! Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?" The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime." The group was silent for a moment. The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight." The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them." The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"

Engineers - Take Three:

What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers? Mechanical Engineers build weapons and Civil Engineers build targets.

Engineers - Take Four:

The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?" The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?" The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?" The graduate with an Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

Engineers - Take Five:

"Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it." Engineers believe that "if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet"

Engineers - Take Six:

An engineer was crossing a road one-day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week." The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want." Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, and that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."

[firebrand]

Oh thank you. I couldn't remember the details. Hilarious!

[Aquinasfan]

Liked the targets joke 8-)

More than a little truth there.

[bert]

.....The engineer says, "well, you can get close enough!" ....

Slide Rule Accuracy....

[reagan_fanatic]

There are three engineers in a car; an electrical engineer, a chemical engineer and a Microsoft engineer.

Suddenly the car just stops by the side of the road, and the three engineers look at each other wondering what could be wrong. The electrical engineer suggests stripping down the electronics of the car and trying to trace where a fault might have occurred.

The chemical engineeer, not knowing much about cars, suggests that maybe the fuel is becoming emulsified and getting blocked somewhere.

Then, the Microsoft engineer, not knowing much about anything, comes up with a suggestion, "Why don`t we close all the windows, get out, get back in, open the windows again, and maybe it`ll work !?"

[SaveTheChief]

LOL. I like the last one!

[lmailbvmbipfwedu]

An engineer is someone who can do with $1 what any damn fool can do with $2

[MortMan]

I do Software QA.

My condolences. I do software QA and certification in the aerospace industry. ;-P

[thackney]

ping

[phantomworker]

And, Aerospace Engineers (rocket and plane designers) are the matchmakers for the MechEng and CivEngs.

As a female AE, I design military weapons for a living. And I'm told I'm quite attractive. Match-maker, match-maker, why do you suppose I can't get any dates? Are they afraid I might use my weapons against them someday???? LOL!

[Lakeshark]

Are they afraid I might use my weapons against them someday???

In a word....yes.

It's the google skills.......hey....you're sposed to be too bizzy!

:-)

[phantomworker]

The Knack is really funny. Do you have it? ;)

[Lakeshark]

"and utter social ineptitude"

Need I remind you about your "hot" date?

Heh heh heh........

[bert]

Last week I found my K&E log log decitrig in the drawer and it had somehow acquired a scummy red coating. I can't imagine what would have done that.

I carefully wiped it clean with isopropyl alcohol.

Real engineers carry the slide rule in their hip pocket. EE's attach them to their belts.

[phantomworker]

I google, therefore I am. Or is it, I am, therefore I google. LOL! It's the Knack!

Very bizzy!!!! Never too busy to put myself down and to laugh out loud. ;)

[Fierce Allegiance]

Civil Engineers ping.

Late, again.

[phantomworker]

"and utter social ineptitude"

You are too sweet. Why do Chem E's like ballet?

What's the difference between a geek and a nerd?

[Lakeshark]

Glad you did....be a good girl now.....

No flasks!

[Lakeshark]

That was a quote from the link about "the knack".

I can search too........

:-)

[Lx]

Isn't that a comptrometer? My mom used to run for one for Santa Fe. I've still got one somewhere. I was to dense to be able to use it.

[ßuddaßudd]

Im sure all the Engineerds where I work will enjoy these, thanks!