Free Republic
Browse · Search
News/Activism
Topics · Post Article

Skip to comments.

Wife 1.0 (Rush Limbaugh Funny E-mail Back By Popular Demand Alert)
Rush Limbaugh.com ^ | 12/01/05 | Rush Limbaugh

Posted on 12/01/2005 4:19:21 PM PST by goldstategop

Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity: applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Hunting and Fishing 7.5, and Racing 3.6. I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0. Please help!

Thanks, A Troubled User.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Troubled User:

This is a very common problem that men complain about. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0. It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony-Child Support. I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation.

The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway. Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2. However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0 ! WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

Best of luck, Tech Support


TOPICS: Culture/Society; Miscellaneous; Political Humor/Cartoons
KEYWORDS: email; humor; men; populardemand; relationships; rushlimbaugh; wife1; women
HAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHA BWAHAHAHAHAHA BWAHAHAHAHAHA
1 posted on 12/01/2005 4:19:22 PM PST by goldstategop
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | View Replies]

To: goldstategop
This was a funny break from listening to him talk about chocolate vaginas.
2 posted on 12/01/2005 4:22:13 PM PST by baystaterebel (http://omphalosgazer.blogspot.com/)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: goldstategop

funny


3 posted on 12/01/2005 4:23:00 PM PST by vigilante2 (proud parent of a soldier)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: goldstategop

Sorry but very lame and stale


4 posted on 12/01/2005 4:23:23 PM PST by dennisw (You shouldn't let other people get your kicks for you - Bob Dylan)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: baystaterebel

I got tired of the chocolate vagina talk as soon as he said it.....but man he sure has been hot the last few days....


5 posted on 12/01/2005 4:26:17 PM PST by Kimmers
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 2 | View Replies]

To: goldstategop

The best I can suggest is to install patches from time to time, but not over do it. If all else fails and Wife 1.0 is really slowing the system down and interfering too much with other applications, take the extreme step and reformat your hard drive completely. Its a messy procedure but then be very careful about the next version ( Girfriend 8.0 ) you install. Rush has had to format his 3 times already.


6 posted on 12/01/2005 4:29:43 PM PST by HarmlessLovableFuzzball
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: goldstategop

I was cryin'!


7 posted on 12/01/2005 4:38:18 PM PST by facedown (Armed in the Heartland)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: goldstategop

Hey! Where's your Denny Crane red tagline?


8 posted on 12/01/2005 4:51:30 PM PST by SierraWasp (The only thing that can save CA is making eastern CA the 51st state called Sierra Republic!!!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: HarmlessLovableFuzzball

Luckily, if your running a Mac with the automator program you won't have to continually say Yes Dear and I'm sorry repeatedly.


9 posted on 12/01/2005 4:53:37 PM PST by Mr. Blonde (You know, Happy Time Harry, just being around you kinda makes me want to die.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 6 | View Replies]

To: SierraWasp
I was laughing so loud I forgot my tagline. Wife 1.0 is a lot for men to put with. They dread the inevitable moment the Girlfriend demands an upgrade.

(Denny Crane: "I Don't Want To Socialize With A Pinko Liberal Democrat Commie.Say What You Like About Republicans. We Stick To Our Convictions. Even When We Know We're Dead Wrong.")

10 posted on 12/01/2005 4:54:21 PM PST by goldstategop (In Memory Of A Dearly Beloved Friend Who Lives On In My Heart Forever)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 8 | View Replies]

To: baystaterebel

"This was a funny break from listening to him talk about chocolate vaginas."

No kidding. That was getting too weird for me.

And since I upgraded from Serious Boyfriend 3.0 to Husband 1.0, life has been pretty good...full of lots of shiney, sparkly gifts and trips to exotic lands, and I got a really great MIL in the bargain, too! :)


11 posted on 12/01/2005 4:56:53 PM PST by Diana in Wisconsin (Save The Earth. It's The Only Planet With Chocolate.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 2 | View Replies]

To: goldstategop
I don't want to hear anyone advocating the purchase of a second computer with girlfriend 8.0 installed (you know, a newer one with all the upgrades, for fun and games).

Anyway. Another problem with wife 1.0 is that it comes bundled with mother-in-law 1.0. This has been known to cause child-processing issues. And the annoying am-I-fat popups from girlfriend 7.0 don't go away either - you have to keep clicking no, pretty irritating (clicking yes seems to cause many more problems as well). Another funny thing about wife 1.0 is that it cannot utilize as much RAM as girlfriend 7.0. You can also expect some graphics settings to decrease. Oh and the speaker volume settings don't seem to be working as well as before (not that they work too great under girlfriend 7.0 either).

12 posted on 12/01/2005 5:20:15 PM PST by M203M4
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: goldstategop

For the ladies





FROM: Jane
TO: Tech Support
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed that the new program began making unexpected changes to the accounting software; severely limiting access to wardrobe, flower and jewelry applications that operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure. In addition, Husband 1.0 un-installs many other valuable programs such as Dinner Dancing 7.5, Cruise Ship 2.3, and Opera Night 6.1. It also installs new, undesirable programs such as Poker Night 1.3, Saturday Football 5.0, Golf 2.4 and Clutter Everywhere 4.5. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs. When I click on it, the system crashes. Under no circumstances will it run Diaper Changing 14.1 or House Cleaning 2.6.

I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix Husband 1.0, but this all purpose utility is of limited effectiveness. Can you help, please!!!!





FROM: Tech Support
TO: Jane
Subject: Upgrade Dangers

Yours is a common problem women complain about and is mostly due to a misconception. Many people upgrade from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 with no idea that Boyfriend 5.0 is merely an ENTERTAINMENT package. However, Husband 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and was designed by its creator to run as few applications as possible. Further, you cannot purge Husband 1.0 and return to Boyfriend 5.0, because Husband 1.0 is not designed to do this. Hidden operating files within your system would cause Boyfriend 5.0 to emulate Husband 1.0, so nothing is gained. It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program files from the system, once installed. Any new program files can only be installed once per year, as Husband 1.0 has severely limited memory. Error messages are common, and a normal part of Husband 1.0.

In desperation to play some of their "old time" favorite applications, or to get new applications to work, some women have tried to install Boyfriend 6.0, or Husband 2.0. However, these women end up with more problems than encountered with Husband 1.0. Look in your manual under "Warnings: Divorce/Child Support". You will notice that this program runs very poorly, and comes bundled with Heart Break 1.3. I recommend you keep Husband 1.0, and just learn the quirks of this strange and illogical system. Having Husband 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding General Partnership Faults [GPFs]. This is a wonderful feature of Husband 1.0, secretly installed by the parent company as an integral part of the operating system. Husband 1.0 must assume ALL responsibility for ALL faults and problems, regardless of root cause. To activate this great feature enter the command "C:\ I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME". Sometimes Tears 6.2 must be run simultaneously while entering the command. Husband 1.0 should then run the applications Apologize 12.3 and Flowers/Chocolates 7.8.

TECH TIP! Avoid excessive use of this feature. Overuse can create additional and more serious GPFs, and ultimately YOU may have to give a C:\ I APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal operations. Overuse can also cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, or worse yet, to Beer 6.0. Beer 6.0 is a very bad program that causes Husband 1.0 to create Fat Belly files and Snoring Loudly wave files that are very hard to delete. Save yourself some trouble by following this tech tip! Just remember! The system will run smoothly, and take the blame for all GPFs, but because of this fine feature it can only intermittently run all the applications Boyfriend 5.0 ran.

Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. Consider buying additional software to improve performance. I personally recommend Hot Food 3.0, Lingerie 5.3 and Patience 10.1. Used in conjunction, these utilities can really help keep Husband 1.0 running smoothly. After several years of use, Husband 1.0 will become familiar and you will find many valuable embedded features such as Fix Broken Things 2.1, Snuggling 4.2 and Best Friend 7.6.

A final word of caution! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Mother in Law 1.0. This is not a supported application, and will cause selective shutdown of the operating system. Husband 1.0 will run only Fishing 9.4 and Hunting 5.2 until Mother In Law 1.0 is uninstalled.

I hope these notes have helped. Thank you for choosing to install Husband 1.0 and we here at Tech Support wish you the best of luck in coming years We trust you will learn to fully enjoy this product!


13 posted on 12/01/2005 5:26:52 PM PST by smith288 (Peace at all cost makes for tyranny free of charge...)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: goldstategop

Kind of explains why he's been married three times.


14 posted on 12/01/2005 5:27:54 PM PST by Non-Sequitur
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.

Free Republic
Browse · Search
News/Activism
Topics · Post Article

FreeRepublic, LLC, PO BOX 9771, FRESNO, CA 93794
FreeRepublic.com is powered by software copyright 2000-2008 John Robinson