51st Way to Leave Your Lover

Special to FreeRepublic ^ | 26 November 2005 | John Armor (Congressman Billybob)

[Congressman Billybob]

My wife, Kemberly, has left. That’s ordinary enough. It happens a few million times a year, assuming that half of all American divorces are the wife’s idea. But this is about the why, not the what, of that decision.

The why is unique, and extraordinary. If I were she, and she were I, I would do the same thing. (Work on it. That sentence is grammatically correct.)

My wife has been offered the job of Head Chef of a new restaurant out of town, to be built and run to her specifications. To that you say, well, some commuter marriages work. Not this time. The restaurant is a few miles outside Pago Pago in American Samoa. And that is 8,000 miles from my home in the Blue Ridge Mountains.

Our situation raises an interesting philosophical question. Would you, should you, leave your husband/wife if the chance of a lifetime – the chance of several lifetimes – came along?

Here’s our story. The Internet recounted its beginning, so it’s appropriate it should recount its end. We began with serendipity, a Newsweek recommendation of my column that brought me together with a lady from Indiana who read it. We end with serendipity, also.

Anyone with skills as a chef, and manager, and caterer, would jump at the opportunity to run a brand-new, four-star restaurant, if such an opening came to his/her attention. A fair number of you are closet chefs. You watch the Food Network. You think maybe you could chuck your humdrum day job and build a satisfying future with a special food product, or a brand-new restaurant. You know who you are. I saw you smile.

But opportunities like that aren’t advertised in the paper. Like much else which appears in the newspapers, things aren’t what they claim. You can rest assured that a help wanted ad that says it offers the “Opportunity of a Lifetime,” doesn’t.

Here’s the story behind this story. Back in June, Kem made a business trip to American Samoa. The population is about 67,000, but of those the ones who come from mainland US or other nations are a smaller group and everyone knows everybody. When anyone new shows up, the residents get to know him/her promptly. It’s the equivalent of waiting for the stage in the American West a century ago.

Anyway, it turns out that a group of businessmen were interested in creating a new, four-star restaurant near Pago Pago. They knew what they wanted, but not who would do it. Enter a talented woman from North Carolina. Everybody invites each other in that group home for dinner. (There ain’t a lot of nighttime entertainment in Samoa.)

So, the folks on the island found out that Kem is a fine cook. They also found out that she knows her way around commercial equipment and management for kitchens, and multiple styles of cooking from many nations. To make a long story short, she had an opportunity to become Head Chef, and partner, with full creative control.

She looked at three possible locations for the restaurant, two for new construction and one a mansion with wrap-around porches overlooking the Pacific. Think of the architecture and environment described in Somerset Maugham’s famous short story, “Rain.” He was living on Samoa when he wrote that.

Kem has not described to me how long it took her to consider this offer that came out of the blue. Maybe she didn’t want to hurt my feelings worse by telling me that her delay was measured in nanoseconds rather than days or weeks. In any event, she returned to North Carolina, and immediately told me the good news (or bad news, depending on your viewpoint).

I understood right away how incredible this opportunity was for her, and why she wanted to accept it. So, instead of getting hysterical, I’ve worked with her on such details as getting a long-term, no-cut contract, and possible copyright issues with the name of the restaurant. So there you have it; probably the most extraordinary reason for the end of a marriage that you’ve ever heard.

Will I miss Kem? You bet. Do I wish her well? Absolutely. Since many readers of my columns are friends of both of us, drop her a line care of my address and I’ll get it to her. And if you’re in Pago Pago in about 14 months, look her up at the club, have “a Thanksgiving dinner that can’t be beat,” and say hello.

About the Author: John Armor is a First Amendment attorney and author who lives in the Blue Ridge Mountains of North Carolina. John_Armor@aya.yale.edu

[deadhead]

My prayers are with both of you. I am sorry that things didn't work out like you may have planned.

Wishing you both much success and happiness in the future.

[Bigg Red]

About once every two years I get a call from a large east-coast law firm who find me and want to find out what it would take for me to come and train their entire staff: a month or two in NYC or Boston.

**
Yikes! Considering your screen name, I'm glad I don't live in either of those cities. I thought the lawyers in MD were blood thirsty. I wouldn't want to cross those NY or Boston attorneys!

[Congressman Billybob]

No, we do not have children. And I agree with the implied concern that the presence of children would have, and should have, changed all the concerns. I agree with that. But, it did not apply.

John / Billybob

[Salamander]

*shrug*

I'm part Danish on my mother's side.
Maybe it's a "genetic quirk".....;-D

[DugwayDuke]

Wish you well, my friend.

[Bigg Red]

I'm pinging...for your responses.

***
Without marriage -- real marriage -- civilization is lost.

[Congressman Billybob]

Interesting question. My roots are deep into the soil of North Carolina. I live in a house that belonged to my grandparents, and in due time should go to my grandchildren. Plus, the people I still work with, and the issues I still handle, are all located here.

I could not see me spending the rest of my life on a beach drinking drinks with umbrellas in them. That isn't my life.

John / Billybob

[Congressman Billybob]

Thank you. You stated my reasons for writing and publishing this article as well, or better than, I could do so, myself. I am a writer about life and its consequences. By definition, everything is grist for the mill. There are no exceptions.

John / Billybob

[Congressman Billybob]

No, this is not a hoax. It is, sadly, very real.

John / Billybob

[Congressman Billybob]

Thank you. There are no guarantees. I hope you are right. But I have no guarantee of that.

John / Billybob

[Congressman Billybob]

As noted elsewhere, Kem moved first to Tennesse and her mother's home. She leaves for Pago Pago in about two weeks.

John / Billybob

[Congressman Billybob]

I am married to one person, only. That is Kem, and she is leaving for Pago Pago. I don't know where the impression came from that I was married to anyone else at the same time.

John / BB

[trussell]

I am so sorry to see that you could think God could "HATE" anything. The God I serve is a God of love...not hate.

Once you have accepted the gift of salvation that was paid at the cross, you are a child of God and there is NOTHING you can do to make God love you any more than he already does...and NOTHING you can do that will make God love you any less either.

[Congressman Billybob]

Others have raised the same point, but you do so in such detail that I reply to you. I am going on 63. I am both a published writer and an attorney. As a writer, whatever I know from any source is grist for the mill. Truth is sometimes very difficult. But precisely at those times it is most important to face and deal with the truth.

As for your other questions, I do not call new acquaintances by their first names. I do call other people sir and ma'am, even some who are younger than me. I also decry the Oprahfication of America. If I thought what I had written was at that level, I would have discarded it unpublished.

Dignity does not, to my view, include pretending that the truth is not the truth, and that reality is wrong. It may often be troublesome, but it is necessary to deal with it dead on.

No, I wasn't drunk. And there are no residual problems to deal with.

Hope that answers some of the questions you raised.

John / BB

[Congressman Billybob]

Right, I publish on FR before anywhere else. And, it is up to the Editor at ChronWatch to decide to publish my columns as submitted. He carries my (few) personal columns only if he, in his judgment, thinks they have something to offer broader than the merely personal story.

With only one exception in more than 100 columns, that Editor has published all of my articles. Still, it is up to him whether to publish this one. That decision by him has not been made / communicated to me, as yet.

John / BB

[Congressman Billybob]

I was away from home and my computer for 10 hours. As the end of the thread shows, I have spent several hours catching up with the very interesting and challenging posts made on this thread.

John / BB