Posted on 11/25/2005 10:42:22 AM PST by Congressman Billybob
My wife, Kemberly, has left. That’s ordinary enough. It happens a few million times a year, assuming that half of all American divorces are the wife’s idea. But this is about the why, not the what, of that decision.
The why is unique, and extraordinary. If I were she, and she were I, I would do the same thing. (Work on it. That sentence is grammatically correct.)
My wife has been offered the job of Head Chef of a new restaurant out of town, to be built and run to her specifications. To that you say, well, some commuter marriages work. Not this time. The restaurant is a few miles outside Pago Pago in American Samoa. And that is 8,000 miles from my home in the Blue Ridge Mountains.
Our situation raises an interesting philosophical question. Would you, should you, leave your husband/wife if the chance of a lifetime – the chance of several lifetimes – came along?
Here’s our story. The Internet recounted its beginning, so it’s appropriate it should recount its end. We began with serendipity, a Newsweek recommendation of my column that brought me together with a lady from Indiana who read it. We end with serendipity, also.
Anyone with skills as a chef, and manager, and caterer, would jump at the opportunity to run a brand-new, four-star restaurant, if such an opening came to his/her attention. A fair number of you are closet chefs. You watch the Food Network. You think maybe you could chuck your humdrum day job and build a satisfying future with a special food product, or a brand-new restaurant. You know who you are. I saw you smile.
But opportunities like that aren’t advertised in the paper. Like much else which appears in the newspapers, things aren’t what they claim. You can rest assured that a help wanted ad that says it offers the “Opportunity of a Lifetime,” doesn’t.
Here’s the story behind this story. Back in June, Kem made a business trip to American Samoa. The population is about 67,000, but of those the ones who come from mainland US or other nations are a smaller group and everyone knows everybody. When anyone new shows up, the residents get to know him/her promptly. It’s the equivalent of waiting for the stage in the American West a century ago.
Anyway, it turns out that a group of businessmen were interested in creating a new, four-star restaurant near Pago Pago. They knew what they wanted, but not who would do it. Enter a talented woman from North Carolina. Everybody invites each other in that group home for dinner. (There ain’t a lot of nighttime entertainment in Samoa.)
So, the folks on the island found out that Kem is a fine cook. They also found out that she knows her way around commercial equipment and management for kitchens, and multiple styles of cooking from many nations. To make a long story short, she had an opportunity to become Head Chef, and partner, with full creative control.
She looked at three possible locations for the restaurant, two for new construction and one a mansion with wrap-around porches overlooking the Pacific. Think of the architecture and environment described in Somerset Maugham’s famous short story, “Rain.” He was living on Samoa when he wrote that.
Kem has not described to me how long it took her to consider this offer that came out of the blue. Maybe she didn’t want to hurt my feelings worse by telling me that her delay was measured in nanoseconds rather than days or weeks. In any event, she returned to North Carolina, and immediately told me the good news (or bad news, depending on your viewpoint).
I understood right away how incredible this opportunity was for her, and why she wanted to accept it. So, instead of getting hysterical, I’ve worked with her on such details as getting a long-term, no-cut contract, and possible copyright issues with the name of the restaurant. So there you have it; probably the most extraordinary reason for the end of a marriage that you’ve ever heard.
Will I miss Kem? You bet. Do I wish her well? Absolutely. Since many readers of my columns are friends of both of us, drop her a line care of my address and I’ll get it to her. And if you’re in Pago Pago in about 14 months, look her up at the club, have “a Thanksgiving dinner that can’t be beat,” and say hello.
About the Author: John Armor is a First Amendment attorney and author who lives in the Blue Ridge Mountains of North Carolina. John_Armor@aya.yale.edu
Congratulations on an amicable parting. I hope you remain good friends, while you both go on to other wonderful things.
I do not agree with her choice. As the husband, you are to make the decisions, with her Spirit-led counsel. She is forgetting that this life is short. Decisions made now will be rewarded or punished in eternity.
Do I know what would have happened if she gave up the job in AS to follow your leadership? No.
I do know that God blesses decisions that cause us to sacrifice our own dreams in obediance to His laws.
I have heard countless testimonies where someone has put off their own dream to do God's will, only to find that the blessing God goves is beyond their wildest dream.
BUt, you are not off the hook. If your obstinance (not accusing you as I do not personally know you) basically said, I like it here and refuse to go to AS, even though God wanted you to, then you will have to answer to God. No one can tell you what you were supposed to do. That is only in your own heart.
I know divorce is tough. I know it can feel like half your body is ripped away.
I have read of marriages that were seperated by thousands of miles. You can read the biographies of missionaries who left their wife home while they went to the mission field, and the marriage was completely godly. Inthose biographies you do read how it is difficult, but has been done, when both spouses were focussed on serving God.
Let's try not to get too emotional here, this is business! (Or, alternatively, a dark day for western culture.)
It's foreign to me how anyone can dissolve a marriage based upon career choices. Good luck.
I am sorry to hear about the loss of your marriage. Prayers for you.
Thank you for the ping, trussell.
Billybob Sir,
I respect what you have written in the past on many subjects, but on this one you are all messed up. If this is a real marriage and you two love each other, then this is incredibly selfish on both of your parts. There are so many things to attempt before divorce (again if this is a true marriage).
I don't know what you expected from posting this column, I can only imagine that you are writing "her" position, and expecting us to supply what "your" position should be.
I hope that you both come to your senses and find a way to work this out. Unless of course, the marriage was breaking up anyway.
I am sorry I clicked on this thread. And that is a grammatically correct sentence too.
Regards,
Rob
Since we Samoans prefer to eat taro rather than yams, I don't know..you tell me. As for roasted pig, it's not like we would eat that everyday. We have stoves and ovens and the like. Yes! Modern technology does come to the islands every now and again.
Hehe!
"But IMHO, it's a shame that you didn't share her dream enough to sacrifice your career, pack your bags and go along with her. That's the kind of love marriages are made of."
I seldom agree with Willie, but he as absolutely on the mark here. If you really loved your wife, you'd go to Somoa.
You and I have now agreed on two things in the past month, I think the Earth must have stopped spinning. :-)
Rob
I don't really know what to say, except that this is really sad.
I don't see why you could not go with her.
You have your opinion and I have mine.
"It's our obligation as friends to tell him what a cowardly act this really is."
And now you have.
The more I think about this, the more I'm convinced this is like the time Rush said he supported Bill Clinton. He wanted to see what the reaction would be. So, let us in on it. Is this just a hoax to see if FReepers really believe in marriage? Because, if not, you need to seriously examine your life and the foundations of your principles
>>Would you, should you, leave your husband/wife if the chance of a lifetime – the chance of several lifetimes – came along?
No.<<
I second that.
My dream is with the man who gave me everything with no strings attached when no one else would put up with my a$$.
You are a good and fine man, BB. She will regret it.
Either it's a real opportunity or she's found another man!
Island life is wonderful as long as you've never been to America. I was born here and raised as a youngster on the Islands. Coming back to America pretty much killed my ideas of loving Island life again. Then to live in Guam among Chamorros reaffirmed my dislike of island life.
The Polynesian culture, like the Micronesian culture, is a dying one. There aren't that many of us around. The majority of Polynesian population is found in America or among her territories. So? Naturally, the Islanders blame us for the lack of interest in keeping the culture alive.
I wouldn't even consider it.
I spent a month in Singapore away from ym and children.
Longest month of my life.
Best of wishes to you both. I hope that, in hindsight, this will prove to be the right decision for both of you. Having enjoyed your posts and columns for several years now, and the intellect that obviously shines through, I can only trust that you know what you are doing.
Away from my wife and children.
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