Together in Death: Funeral of Parents Murdered by Daughter's Boyfriend

Lancaster on line Sunday News ^ | 11/19/05 | Helen Colwell Adams

[daybreakcoming]

Doorslamming must be a girl thing.

LOL I slammed my door a couple of times and my Dad was coming through it just as fast. Doubled my grounding time.

[HungarianGypsy]

My dad died 11 years and a week from tomorrow. I remember my one thought was getting things done right. My other thought was I was not going to be one of those people the media shows crying on the news. I was called "unusually in control". My mom accused me of having no feelings because I didn't want to sit around crying and watching the news. I had to keep doing things.
As for clothing... my in-laws bought me a black dress because I had requested it. But no one in our church really wears black to a funeral (unless you count suits). Years later when my husband's grandma died I wore a pretty, white floral dress to that funeral.

[Gondring]

I don't doubt that kara (Lizzie) Borden mentioned to her boyfriend at some point or another how much she hated her parents.

"Will no one rid me of this troublesome priest?" was the first thing to go through my mind upon hearing about the incident.

[bonfire]

LOL! I got smart after a while and only slammed when he wasn't home! But smart off to him at the dinner table?? Couldn't run fast enough!

[Ditter]

Yes you are right. It could very well be shock or sedatives prescribed by the doctor but I'll bet on shock. When my son died I was in shock for several weeks and could barely function and I cried very little, then after the shock passed I preferred to grieve in private. I had thoughtless people ask me how I could be so calm. It was very hurtful because I had no idea how I appeared to others, my self image was gone, I was just trying to go thru the motions of my previous life, knowing that my previous life was gone.

This girl may very well have been an accomplice to her parents murderer but the idea I am trying to get across is that a lack of emotion at a time like this does not necessarily indicate guilt.

[hershey]

Kara Borden had better make something very special out of her life. Whatever her degree of guilt, she'll need therapy, as will all her siblings, for a long time. The family will resent her, perhaps even blame her...naturally. Still, she's only a kid and that explains everything. Adolescents' brains don't fire the way adults' do. Terrible tragedy, for the shooter's family, too.

[twigs]

I have appreciated your comments. I personally think that people here are being too hard on Kara. Yes, I've read her blog and yes, she was obviously a handful for her parents. But a lot of kids are before they mature. Fortunately, most of them do not have murderous boyfriends. What if your young boyfriend had been a David Ludwig? I expect Kara's siblings and family to surround her with a lot of love and try to help her through this horrible situation.

[twigs]

Yes, there are consequences to sin and they can be devastating, as Kara is learning at a tender age. But depending on what they turn up about her and her relationship with Ludwig, I don't think she bears responsibility for their murder per se. But that may not be much solace to her, though. They're still gone.

[cyn]

Hi, there, CindyDawg -- good to see you!

Yeah, I figured that. But considering what we know at this point, it doesn't make sense -- even if it did serve his purpose to comfort. As if he's also in denial, or in shock, or putting a bandaid on it ... who knows.

Yes, healing and comfort are needed for all concerned, incl. the community at large -- but they (and we ALL) must also examine themselves as responsible people and come to grips with and learn some difficult lessons.

From all I know at this point, it was a longer term process -- a train wreck in the making. How could no one be aware if there was such sneaking around going on? It goes against all I know of sisters, and little brothers! How can a mother not know what's up with her daughter to this extent? Was she truly so very disengaged?

It is as if they'd impotently wrung their hands over Kara: we know, for example, that her mother wondered in emails to friends "what she should do about Kara". Then when Kara was out all night, & caught in an obvious lie, they said to themselves and to Kara, "That's it, young lady! Now you've done it! Things are going to change around here!"

Anyway ... this is truly a cautionary tale. My husband & I will continue to say "No.", "NO!!", "No, sorry, you can't, that's not a good idea." We pray for wisdom, discernment, and honesty before God, as we are accountable to Him.

[cyn]

Hi, Ditter -- thank you for your post. Best to you -- years later as you continue to heal from that difficult loss.

[bonfire]

First lesson: if your underage CHILD is out all night with a "MAN", call the police.

[Ditter]

Thank you.

[bonfire]

Will be thinking about you during the holidays, Ditter. God Bless.

[cyn]

Thanks for your posts. Glad you made it through all that!

What a wonderful story that is of a father's concern and protectiveness toward his precious daughter! What a special memory to treasure ... and what a good example and encouragement to dads and moms to stay involved, and to keep saying "NO, I love you too much."

[Ditter]

May God Bless you too, my freeper friend.

[cyn]

yep!

and (this is a 'hindsight is 20-20' thing) not to confront right then. Where were his parents in all this -- esp. if he'd exhibited (ahem) "poor choices" in the past, as with that other girl? Did Kara's parents ever talk to his parents? Being it's a community / church / homeschool group thing?

[bonfire]

(this is a 'hindsight is 20-20' thing)

They were just waaaaaaaaay more tolerant and nice than I would have been. Wonder if they called his parents first?

[CindyDawg]

It's very hard for gentle people that prefer to reason to deal with head strong teenagers. My mom couldn't handle me but my grandmother knew my tricks and took no garbage.

[andysandmikesmom]

I am not sure if many people anymore wear black at funerals...at my sons funeral, I wore a purple jumper, with a white blouse...because my son loved me in that outfit, that is what I wore to his funeral...

As for his clothing...he knew he was dying soon..so he told me what he wanted to be buried in...his favorite jeans, his favorite shoes, a new shirt he had just bought one of the last times we were out together, and his hat, that he always wore, to cover his 'balding' head, which was balding because of all the chemo...and so I brought those items to the funeral home, and my son was buried in what he wanted to be buried in...he said, he rarely wore a suit in life, and he did not want to wear one in death...so I followed his last wishes...

[CindyDawg]

If she wasn't involved in her parents murder and survives this I she may do good things when she grows up. She may even be able to help other girls. Only time will tell and there are a lot of ifs.