You talkin' to me?
Posted on 11/01/2005 6:50:26 AM PST by Phantom Lord
From Neal Boortz's "Redneck Scrapbook" today...
25 ways to tell if you're a Redneck
1. The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.
2. You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.
3. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
4. You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.
5. Jack Daniel's makes your list of "most admired people."
6. You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.
7. Anyone in your family ever died right after saying, "Hey y'all watch this."
8. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
9. Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.
10. Your junior prom had a daycare.
11. You think the last words of the Star Spangled Banner are, "Gentlemen start your engines."
12. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.
13. The bluebook value of your truck goes up and down, depending on how much gas is in it.
14. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.
15. One of your kids was born on a pool table.
16. You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.
17. You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.
18. You think loading a dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.
19. Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.
20. Somebody hollers "Hoe Down" and your girlfriend hits the floor.
21. You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say "Cool Whip" on the side.
22. The biggest city you've ever been to is Wal-Mart.
23. Your working T.V. sits on top of your non-working T.V.
24. Your neighbors think you're a detective because a cop always brings you home.
25. You missed 5th grade graduation because you had jury duty.
Does 12 out of 25 make me a redneck? LOL
Humor? Humor heck.
I think he was talking about me.
Call out the ACLU!
This has to offend someone. LOL
Thanks a bunch for posting -- I needed that good laugh today.
I always liked the "You Might Be a Redneck Jedi If..."
...You have ever used the force to get a beer from the fridge without having to get up off the couch, or...
...If the land-speeder is covered more than 30% with primer...
I think Jeff Foxworthy created this.
in addition...
Your mother in law comes out of the bathroom and says "Hey, y'all gotta come take a look at this!"
Directions to your house include the words "Turn off the paved road"
You are mowing your lawn and you find a car!
I'm gettin' a little misty eyed here....first time I ever got a perfect score on anything!
LOL - Congratulations!
I thought the Koran did have page numbers on it?
18. You think loading a dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.
What's wrong with that?
gross
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"Enuf redneck jokes. I'm calling the ACLU!"
"Call out the ACLU!
This has to offend someone. LOL "
Naw, if it is directed at white people of European ancestory, it can't possibly be offensive. That's the only group that it's fair game on.
Printing this out to take over to Grumpy Batchelor Brother.
Thinks he meets all the ones that don't require marriage.
Your mother does not remove the Marlboro from between her lips before telling the state trooper to "kiss my a$$".
snicker
You might be a redneck, if yer mama'nems ever told a state trooper to kiss her @ss, without taking the Marlboro out of her mouth.
"This has to offend someone. LOL "
no kidding, replace redneck with sambo and see how far this would go ;)
Dang. Beat me to it.
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